Wife ended affair

I started out being friends with a man I work with. We were friends for over two years before it became sexual. We are both married. However, I am 13 years older than he is. My kids are grown, I have grandkids and I have been married over 30 years. When we started the affair, it was stipulated that no strings attached. About 3 months into the affair he expressed he loved me, and I loved him also. I had to talk him down a few times to not leave his wife because I knew it would devastate his children who are all in their teens. My husband hasn’t been the kindest throughout out marriage. He is quick to anger and frustration and although he has gotten better since the grandkids arrived, I can’t forget all the times he has been rude and ignorant to me. He had an affair himself and I have also had 2 sexual encounters which he only knows about one, which I told him about. I also have my own issues, so I guess we have stayed with each other because we both have severe flaws and we love our kids and grandkids immensely and don’t want to upset the applecart with them. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I’m not in love with him and haven’t been even before this.

The man I have had an affair with is everything I have ever wanted. We both love each other immensely. He has struggled with his wife because I am everything she’s not. I have a lot of confidence and I’m really outgoing. I am well liked where I work because I generally treat people with respect. I have a lot of friends and people describe me as fun. I am a really hard worker. I am not skinny but not obese but I dress really nice and my appearance is pleasing. He gets frustrated that his wife doesn’t wear makeup and doesn’t have friends. He does things alone a lot because she doesn’t want to go out. I have never spoken disparaging about her and when he has been so angry with her, I’ve calmed him down and told him to be nice to her.

We both knew it wasn’t going to last forever. He was my best friend. He would drive by my house sometimes on the weekend just so he could feel close to me. We wouldn’t communicate on the weekend so we wouldn’t get caught. He would always wish that he could tell everyone at work so they would be jealous of him having the prettiest girl.

Sooo…he forgot to delete a text and his wife found it. I get a text telling me he had to end it because she found out. I didn’t hear from him for over a day. She thinks we had an emotional affair. He’s afraid of losing his family and everything else. I knew it wouldn’t last but I am devasted. He wanted to talk to me about it and I told him no. I found out what I needed to on what she knew and that was it. He didn’t delete me from FB or IG for a week and I couldn’t figure out why. So I deleted him. When he said he still wants to be friends, I told him no. She all but has an ankle bracelet tracking everything he does. He feels horrible because of the way things ended, but I can’t see how I can be friends with someone I love so much and not being able to touch. I told him not to text me again. I cried straight for a week and haven’t seen him until today and I had to walk right past him. With covid, all we can see of each other is our eyes because of the masks. He told me that he never planned and falling in love and he loves me so much it’s unbearable being with out me. But he has his kids to think of. How long is this misery going to last? Do you think he is as miserable as I am? Do you think he’s happy with his wife and has forgotten all about me? Deep inside I want him miserable too. I know that’s wrong.