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I am at a dilemma

 
 
Reply Mon 25 May, 2020 06:49 pm
I am 27 f, I fell in love with the father of my two girls while in high school, our love tale has been a long one, I am from a traditional financially very stable Arab family, but my family moved to Britain and gave birth to me in Liverpool. So technically, we still have these Arab/Muslim traditions. I was my parents favorite.

My BF was British Christian, so my family was totally against our being together.. we both were in love, we didn't care what they thought about us. After high school, we went to the same college, and after graduation, we decided to run away because the pressure from family was too much, both mine and his. That was how I left my family and forsook all pleasures for James. We migrated to one of the European countries. We have been here for five years, then he got a new better paying job. Everything seems normal and going well for the first five months, even though he has been showing some form of provocation towards me sometimes. In the sixth month he was posted to another department, then things got worst. He would want to hit me at every given chance, he stays out late, makes some suspicious call and most times when I try to make love to him, he acts like I irritate him. I tried raising my concerns with him, but he is always quick to brush it off.. so I decided to hire a professional to hack his phone after getting into his WhatsApp and got a genuine one after three trials. I discovered my partner is seeing some other lady now, telling her he is not married, Even one time I happened to listen to his call, he told her that I was actually forcing myself on him, and that he is tired of having me around. I kicked him out of the apartment, I regret turning my back on my family, Even when my mum died, I couldn't attend the funeral to show her my last respect because of him. But our daughters still miss their dad, what do I do?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 829 • Replies: 8
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2020 07:09 pm
@Aishaallah,
This man has been hitting you. It's not safe for you or your children to be around him. Talk to a solicitor who specializes in family law and learn what your rights are.

Forget his adultery for the moment. You and your children are in danger. That should take precedence over everything else, full stop.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2020 07:12 pm
@Aishaallah,
Aishaallah wrote:
I regret turning my back on my family

But our daughters still miss their dad, what do I do?



what do you do? you are careful not to get between your children and their father. You are a grownup. You have to deal with the consequences of things you have done. You chose their father - make sure that relationship stays strong while you work on your own life.
Aishaallah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2020 04:10 am
@jespah,
We are not legally married, I thought solicitors can only be useful if we're married
Aishaallah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2020 04:11 am
@ehBeth,
I work in a daycare
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2020 05:47 am
@Aishaallah,
Then just break up with him, change the locks, and block him on social media.

You don't have to take it.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2020 09:28 am
@Aishaallah,
Aishaallah wrote:

We are not legally married, I thought solicitors can only be useful if we're married


Not sure which European country you are living in - laws are different every where - I would still reach out to a lawyer/solicitor or whatever is the equivalent. In some places depending on how long you have been together and considering you have children - could be determined common law marriage - meaning he may have to pay you alimony - now this is taking a big leap because I have no idea where you are living. Many places have laws against domestic abuse (which is your situation) - also this father should have financial responsibility to your children.

So first you need to find a safe place for you as your partner is abusive...you could see if there are any shelters or help for domestic abuse where you are living as well. Then you seek legal advice for both your personal protection, to work out things for your children (custody and financial).
0 Replies
 
evelyn0326
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2020 06:56 pm
@Aishaallah,
Hi Aishallah,

You sacrificed a lot for that love. I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with him and lay down in all honesty what's it going to be. Like you need to assess both of you if you can work out things. If things can't be worked out, then part ways.

Don't chase him Aishallah. The beatings will get worst.

Yours is not even legal. Except that your kids are his and that is the only claim you have on him.

regards
evelyn
0 Replies
 
Teufel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2020 03:50 am
@Aishaallah,
Obviously if there is domestic violence you must ensure your physical/mental safety and that of your children .... Really no matter their age, children know when life has become disturbed.

* Do not stop your children seeing their father unless he is a specific danger to them, in which case it is lawyers and court orders.

* Do not 'bad mouth' their father to them ... That is between you and him, nothing to do with them.

Families? Well, your family is obviously controlling. If you do not do what they like, then you are ostracised. That is not loving or caring is it. Culture is no excuse for it.

Your family appears 'attractive' presently only because one support system has ebbed away, i.e your husband and now you are looking for a replacement, so looking backward to a simpler life.

The third way is the only way .... Stand up for yourself, be yourself, provide as best you can for your children and yourself. It would appear your marriage is failing/failed, so you now have an opportunity for a new life. One where your support cannot be removed .... because you support yourself.

All good fortune to you.
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