Had an Affair, Can I ask Mistress to move?

Fri 4 Nov, 2022 12:32 am
I (70m) am married to “Sarah” (71f) but have been having an affair with “Haley” (39f) for 8 years--it just ended. I know I’m garbage for this. It started during a time when I was feeling under-valued and unappreciated by my wife and my kids (41f and 35m), which is not an excuse, but it’s part of what happened. The affair did end about a year ago, though, and it was amicable between Haley and me.

My affair started when we worked together on a local project and we found a lot of common ground and had a lot of free time, and, you know what happens sometimes in that environment. Again, I know this is bad. I’ll admit the sex was amazing and that I liked feeling desired by someone so vibrant and so much younger. Over time, we kept stopping and restarting for the whole 8 years until I finally put a stop to it when my wife got too close to finding out. Truthfully, she had gotten quite close a few other times, and she was aware of my “friendly relationship” with Haley for years and she seemed mostly okay with it but then suddenly was very angry about it recently which led to me ending the relationship to protect my marriage.

Haley has been mostly cool about this although she does sometimes seem annoyed with me when I contact her (mostly via email or text message, rarely a phone call). She was understandably caught off guard with me ending our relationship when that happened but took it pretty well.

Recently, one of my kids noticed that Haley lives in our same town and mentioned it to my wife, who was outraged to find this out (Haley used to live a town over). She complained all night about how Haley was in the same town and she never even knew, and I stayed quiet about it even though obviously I’ve known that she has lived here for years. (I don’t know why my wife didn’t realize that she lived here because Haley is a fairly public figure). Anyway, my wife is really upset about this and it’s started bringing up old issues about how she doesn’t like Haley as a person and causing an issue for me at home, so I was thinking about asking her (Haley) to move away, mainly because she can do so much easier than I could since she is a renter and I own a home plus would have to come up with a reason and so on.

So, can I ask my former mistress to move away from town since my wife is upset she’s here?
Fri 4 Nov, 2022 01:15 am

appleguy wrote:

So, can I ask my former mistress to move away from town since my wife is upset she’s here?

Sure you can ask. Try to get back to us with what she tells you.
0 Replies
Fri 4 Nov, 2022 06:41 am
That's a pretty stupid and tone-deaf question, appleguy.
0 Replies
Mon 7 Nov, 2022 10:04 am
You can ask someone anything. But in this case, she will likely laugh hysterically at you.

Two things. First, why are you contacting her at all? You ended it so why keep texting/emailing her? You have no reason to do so unless you are hoping some day to be able to get things going again.

Also, I am confused. You say your wife and kids do not know, but for some reason your wife hates this woman and your kid finds out she lives in your town and mentions it to your wife. How does someone with no connection to your family become a topic of conversation just because she lives in the same town?

Just stop contacting Haley and all will be well.

0 Replies
bobsal u1553115
Thu 10 Nov, 2022 05:38 pm
No fool like an old fool. Stop contacting Hayley. Work to establish trust with your wife. Be prepared for your secret getting out (it probably will), consider coming clean and marriage counseling. Be prepared to lose your wife, your shirt, your kids, your family friends. Nine years is a long time to either believe this wouldn't go bad, or to ignore the fact it would probably go south and hurt everyone who depends on you.

The problem here is you. Your pecker has put your whole situation in jeopardy.

And if you lose your whole life - well, I guess there's always Hayley, right?
(What kind of fast talking did you do to fool her for nine years?)
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