What a nasty situation, ukman!
If I were you, I'd free myself immediately of any guilt about the "sex" incident.... and I'm female. It sounds like she just WANTS you to feel guilty/bad.
The fact that she did not recall it afterwards does NOT mean she did not want it at the time.
Dang her!!!! In my mind she is treating you very poorly.
Hope that helps just a little.
I agree with BK. You can't let anyone make you feel guilty about something they did.
Don't you DARE feel any more guilt over having sex with your wife that night!. She got herself hammered (not good with the meds to begin with)
she got horny as hell and came on big time to her HUSBAND!! It seems to be she is trying to use any excuse she can to avoid any accountability on her part for the incident....
She's UP...she's DOWN....she's UP again...whoa....wait...now she's DOWN AGAIN. She taking the emotional roller coaster ride of her life and dragging you along whether you want to go or not.
if there is ANY advice I would offer at this time, it would be right up there with Montana's. You have to be the rational one, set yourself APART from the emotion and prepare YOURSELF to take care of YOURSELF and your KIDS! If you get drug down with her, who are your kids going to have in the end? Really....
well im going to the gym tomm night and the old punch bag is gonna be in for a shock lol.
she says shes going to her mothers and take the boys but i can see them them when i want,told her damn right i will.Her mums is only small and not really big enough but ,she now says i should move and it will be leess hard for my lads ,i say i aint walking out no way...she says im being materilstic..in that im only interested in the house.However the first house she moved in with me was mine and my 1st wifes and i bought her out so as you can se i do have vested interest .If I walk it could also be abandonement so i aint budging.
christ why do i still feel love and worship for her...im must be loco.
just an update....she says she moving out saturday...i did shopping for groceries tonight for myself and it hurt..she did the ironing but mine still there...so it looks like its gonna be a house sale split difference and i think i may go to my mums for 12 months and try to get my head right but now someone at work as grassed me for leaving early on nights and ive had a warning.....and tonight i had to leave 1/2 hour early to pick my car up from the repair man and my buddy rang and said the boss was sat nr my truck just after ...so not only am i losing my wife and kids i could end up losing my job.....LIKE I SAID IVE TURNED INTO A LOSER AND I FEEL AT MY WORST AND FEEL LOWER EVEN THEN WHEN MY DAD DIED ......I COULD DO ANYTHING NOW THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME AND I FEEEL LIKE A ........WELL.
Damn, that sucks. I don't know what to say. I hope some smart person comes by and helps you feel better.
ukman
you may have lost your wife, but you certainly have not lost your kids or your job, but unless you pull yourself together, you will end up losing everything.
Your children are depending on you to be strong, so please don't give up on them by allowing yourself to fall apart.
Just because things didn't work out with you and your wife doesn't mean you're a loser, it just means that things didn't work out.
You need to think about your children and about what you can do to help them through this. You're an adult and if you can't be strong for your kids, how on earth do you expect them to get through it.
I know you're hurting terribly and I'm sorry to hear that, but your kids need you, so be strong for them.
You will get over this pain in time, believe me I know.
I haven't been following this thread thoroughly, so forgive me if I just pipe in with an opinion, but... I'd go talk to your boss, tell him what was going on, and that you mean to do better. And, if he lets you stay, then do better...
kickycan wrote:Damn, that sucks. I don't know what to say. I hope some smart person comes by and helps you feel better.
me too.....my mate mr daniels aka jack
I'm not sure how comforting this will be.... but it might be a little. Basically... as far as the sex thing goes.... been there.... on her side. I mean not full on sex - i'm 17 and a good little girl really :-P
But i suffered with depression and had up days and down days and the boyfriend who got me through the hardest part of the night was generally really good about it... not least cos he was going through the same thing, so we kinda understood one another. But yes there were nights where i got drunk, got horny and regretted it like hell. But i never blamed him for it because i knew that at the time it was what i wanted, and i knew from past experience that if i was actually hammered he wouldn't let me do anything.
My point is that regular people, even when they're fighting problems take responsibility for what they're doing, and she should do. Ok she may regret what you did now - i have no doubt she probably does... but that's her problem not yours.
ukman wrote:kickycan wrote:Damn, that sucks. I don't know what to say. I hope some smart person comes by and helps you feel better.
me too.....my mate mr daniels aka jack
Oh yeah, just hit the bottle and drink all your troubles away. I bet that'll do wonders in helping your kids
Obviously, you're not thinking about your kids in all this, but hey, the only one you should be revolved around is yourself
a tad harsh montana .I was writing sarcastly...THE ONLY THING ABOUT IS MY BOYS...HONESTLY....but a few drinks is kool it helps
Sorry ukman, but I think you need to snap out of it and drinking is not going to help you or your boys.
im kool montana ...honestly ,im not drinking much...anyhows my mum would have a word if i was,ive been in town today getting forms for stopping joint accounts and mortgage stuff ....see im rational.....trust me
Ok ukman, just don't want to see you slip into the world of alcoholism.
Hang in there.
oh man shes filing divorce proceedings on the grounds of SEXUAL ABUSE.....my lawer says not to worry as shes only gone to a lawer and not the police .....im at the end of my tether im trying to be strong but man im hurting.
i asked her why she said i did those things and she said she knows i deliberitly wouldnt do it but thats how it felt!!
I apologised if he id upset her but didnt do anything wrong.
just wonderin g whether this thread should be deleted ...man im angry.
despite everything i still love her bad ...
Gosh Ukman, I'd be angry too, and hurt, and no doubt still in love (for the moment) with a spouse who did this to me! I think Anyone would, and I think your reactions are perfectly normal given the situation. Hopefully it will help a tiny bit to keep that in mind... this is truly a tough situation and any person would have great difficulty dealing with it.
So your wife said she's accusing you of sexual abuse not because you abused her, but because it felt like you abused her??? That's bizarre. No more bizarre, though, than some of the other things she's done.
You may love her, but her head is screwed on backwards right now, and I doubt there's anything you can do to help her, or make her see things differently. She's messed up, and all you can do is accept that, and try to do your best for yourself and your kids.
You will get through this, and things will get better! We're thinking of you and wishing for a happy future for you.
just an update....just had a letter telling me to expect divorce stuff to arrive from the courts due my unreasonable behaviour (no abuse) mentioned so thats a relief.But her solisiter is telling me to quit the home ,mine says stay put.
she wont sell 50/50 she will let me have my boys every other weekend
but i am tryinng for 1 week each swapping on a sunday afternoon.I feel a bit better now but feel totally devastated and broken hearted and hurt......montana i have not had a drink for a week now but am having a bender on saturday.
Stay in the house.
Ask for full custody - she seems to be having more than minor mental health issues - you don't want her having the boys more than is absolutely legally required.
