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Thu 14 Oct, 2004 03:04 pm
hi,never let my heart go down on text before but hell here goes.
I was married at 20 and divorced at 21....it was that bad.I vowed only ever to remarry if i thought it was forever.
I met my wife 13 years ago and have been happily married for thirteen...or so i thought.I am totally in love with her and would do anything for her and i mean anything.In june this year she said she was struggling in our relationship ,we vowed to make things right and hand on heart thought we had ,we had 2 wonderful weeks vacation with the boys aged 6 and 8.Who I may add are alls i live for.Then 3 weeks ago totally out the blue she said she hates me and as for the past 3 years she said she only had sex with me to keep things sweet now i feel like a rapist .
Ive tried being nice ,awful ,sweet rudeetc and nothing has worked ,she told me tonight shes leaving at the weekend and taking the boys ,im devastaed big time and have cried all night ...i took a week away last week and no contact and she didnt miss me.
Ive no idea where i go what to do,ive a house to sell ,.Thing is afetr how bad shes been to me i love like i did when we met.......Im an old fashioned guy love my family dont beat her dont gamble and work like a dog for my family.
I wouldnt say its over.. Remember you still have your children.
Have yall ever tried counseling?
she wont go i tried to get her too but she dont wanna know
Did she say why she wont go?
I know your whole world is crumbling but you've got to stay calm and collected. A whole lot depends on it especially your kids. I would make an appointment for a marriage counselor immediately even if you only go. You'll get help and it will show your willingness to work on reapproachment.
she says she dont love me know more and councilling wont work.
panzade ,I cant stay calm im ready to crack up its hurting so much
I know ukman, I know...but this will pass...if you love your kids and I believe you do, you have to keep it together. They need a clear thinking Dad. And they're gonna need you in their life...no matter what goes down. Please take my advice and see a pastor or counselor, somebody to help ease your pain.
will do and for the record i love my kids like no other man can believe and the thought of another man in there life in time to come is making me so angry.....hand on heart i cant handle this.
but ive got eaarly start in the morning so a restless lonely night in bed is calling
Yeah you need to talk to someone other then us about it. Someone you can kind of spill out to and they can help offer some advice.
I wouldn't go to a family member either they can't get give you an objective view.
What is her problem? What led up to this? That is extremely terrible...especially since you are the guy. You sound like a nice and sensitive person, how dare she do that!
I want to say I am so sorry about that. The kids are still half you and half her...they are a part of you. Life isn't over, but you have to find out what made her say that. She couldn't possibly just stay with you for sex. Did you see any warning signs? What do you think happpened?
Good luck with this...
ukman, a lot of us have been through this. you are in the beginning stages...very upsetting and emotional. in time, you'll be able to make solid decisions regarding your two boys. hold on, and try to stay civil...in fact, i would suggest being a complete gentleman to your wife, even tho she may be acting rudely towards you (in front of the kids).
if your wife wants to leave, she will. the two boys now have to see that their Dad is strong. set the example. best wishes!
Your post really broke my heart, and while there is nothing in this world I can say to make you feel any better at this point, just know that there are people who have been in your shoes and who haved lived to tell about it. You will too, and while this may very well be the most painful thing you ever have to endure, you will become stronger, wiser, and a better man for all of it.
Set a good example for your children, and let it go at that. It sounds to me as if you are a good person, and there is someone for everyone. You can't think along those lines right now, but eventually your heart will open again to the thoughts of living, and getting on with your life.
I really wish I could do something for you, but you know you have some folks here in your corner who are willing to listen, offer constructive advice, and to ease the pain you are going through. It sounds as if you have been nothing short of a saint.
UK Man, keep writing, and try to stay focused on the day to day routines. Your children need you, and in time, your children will see who did the best they possibly could in this situation.
When you feel as if you can't handle any more, turn it over to Him.
Paul
cheers people ,for the thoughts ,I will let you know the results of the weekend.
just an update...I got home from work and asked her when she was leaving ,she said tommorow and then broke down in tears saying she was better off dead.I rang her mum and she came round and i took my youngest to the wrestling gym were i help coach.
i came home and she broke down in tears and told me she wants to love me and was going to go the docs on monday to see if medication will help.
She cuddled me but i couldnt respond because it the same "speech" as in june and if she means it then im up for forgiving and startng anew but if shes messing me i wont forgive myself for being dumn,anyhows shes gione to bed and im having a six pack and chilling out watching college footy and trying to get things sorted in my head because im honestly spinning big time.
just an update...I got home from work and asked her when she was leaving ,she said tommorow and then broke down in tears saying she was better off dead.I rang her mum and she came round and i took my youngest to the wrestling gym were i help coach.
i came home and she broke down in tears and told me she wants to love me and was going to go the docs on monday to see if medication will help.
She cuddled me but i couldnt respond because it the same "speech" as in june and if she means it then im up for forgiving and startng anew but if shes messing me i wont forgive myself for being dumn,anyhows shes gione to bed and im having a six pack and chilling out watching college footy and trying to get things sorted in my head because im honestly spinning big time.
It's not dumb to forgive and it's not dumb to start over, but it's dumb to let pride get in the way of rescuing your family. Settle down. Help her get meds...arrange for counseling...keep it together. All my best wishes.
its not pride that i fear its the fear of same as before and her to say in months to come she lied to not hurt me again....im afraid very afraid
If your woman lies don't feel pity for yourself, feel pity for her ... don't be afraid for yourself, be afraid for her.
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