life is over i think

Wow dude. You're either a better than I, or she must be one remarkable woman when she isn't whacked. I think I'd be cutting my losses.

The only thing I learned from my whacko is that if they don't want help, there's nothing you can do.
A book called "Love and Addiction" by Stanton Peele helped me come to terms with what I was up against. Great read, for anybody, and I've never heard a bad review. If you hunt around you may find a place to download it free. I did.

Now on to something truly important... How about them Packers!

Ps. Change the title of this thread. Worse case scenario (and what may well prove to be the best case scenario)... Life begins again!

Dont mean to be callous, and I hope everything works out for the best for you. But it might be wise to prepare for the worst. I would suggest saving or copying all her medical documents, perscription receipts etc, just in case a custody battle is necessary. Her apparent mental instability will be a big factor. I would also suggest an effort to protect your money. I dont know the laws your country, but in the U.S. the woman is usually favored.

Divorce is a bad thing for most children, but it may be best for them if they are living with a deranged mother, that bit about wanting to be locked up in the mental hospital doesnt sound too good.

It is always prudent to hope and work for the best, but to be prepared for the worst. Good luck to you.

Usually wanting to be locked up in a mental hospital is a form of escapism. What responsibilities does she have? Is she over-stressed? Or I guess I should say, what sort of stressors could be removed?

More than anything I think she just may be clinically depressed and is crying out for help...hence the wanting to be in the hospital. That is not the worst thing that can happen. If she does feel strongly about wanting to be in the hospital for awhile, take her up on it in the most respectful of ways. The time there could well be what she needs to get her medications working and for her to be able to feel more in control of her emotions. And, while your mother in law does have a very strong vested interest in her daughter, I'd tell her to butt out...again, respectfully if you can. She is too emotionally invested to be objective about what is right or wrong for your wife. If you let your wife know that you truly do have her best interests at heart and if she says that going to the hospital might help...give her that and support her every step of the way. In times of emotional upheaval it is better to err on the side of caution and not have to regret it later....

Them Bronco's not only whooped those Raiders....they spanked them on their own home turf! WooHoo!!

Definitely start lining up your ducks, in terms of custody and her medical records. Since you've already made some moves financially, that's good, keep it up.

Let's hope that this medication works and that she takes it, but keep in mind that medications (I'm assuming she's bi-polar, that's what it all sounds like from here) can work for a while and then fail. Then different combinations need to be tried, and in the meantime the patient can continue to have problems. The fact that her mother is denying that medication is needed is not helping matters.

You need to protect your children. Counseling is good and you've got a good idea there, that if she won't go, you should go on your own. My suggestion to you is to work on things with your primary motivation being to protect the kids. If your marriage gets back on track, great, but it might not. In the meantime, the kids need to be fed and clothed (so the money can't all just be squandered), and it won't help if they see Mom in a horrible state (so she's got to take her meds).

Be strong, you can do this. Feel free to vent here, that's why we're here.

Its not yet over...
Well, if I were in your shoes and things can no longer be remedied, I'll
offer the rest of my life to my children.

Pardon me. I'm still single.

ive got a feeling shes only trying to say she did...she said im showing to much passion,im feeling im making a fool of myself and i dont want that i just want us together living a normal life,including laughing ,sex the whole kitr and kaboodle.

She wont put her wedding ring back on and says its not important ,i think it is.Ah well ill hang there until mondays council and see what happens.Am i being obseeive or am in trying to fight the woman i love so much.

Wait till Monday dude. No sense guessing when the expert's on the way. You can make it a few more days without a resolution, can't you?

guess so bill guess so

well its now tuesday....

saturday.
I told her she either commits herself 100% into trying or its over.that evening she had a few drinks and we ended up in bed and it was fantastic.

sunday.
things seem to be improving she seems to trying.

monday.
we go and see councler and i thought things were mending ,but she still is adement that it wont work out but she wants to give it a go.

I forgot to add on my 1st post that the fall out began on the saturday night after my cell phone bleeped a message .We have exactlty same phones and i picked hers up totally 150% by accident and i checked the message from "simon" never thought no more of it until i read that ,"she " was the reason he went to work.I thought wtf and realised it was her phone,so i checked the other 2 .one was a love poem and the other saying sory he hadnt texted her to tuck her in.

however she is 100% adament nothing is going on and looking in her eyes i believe her.

back to the meeting
she was quizzed about this "simon" and she says hes her best mate.the meeting carried on and everything was discussed.
in the car on the way home i asked her if i was not her best friend and she said no simon was but nothing in the love dept just mates .

tuesday
cant get this best friend bullshit out of my head and cant see a way out if she remains as best friends with him ,i dont think anything sexually is going on but its scramling me tho.

well its now tuesday....

saturday.
I told her she either commits herself 100% into trying or its over.that evening she had a few drinks and we ended up in bed and it was fantastic.

sunday.
things seem to be improving she seems to trying.

monday.
we go and see councler and i thought things were mending ,but she still is adement that it wont work out but she wants to give it a go.

I forgot to add on my 1st post that the fall out began on the saturday night after my cell phone bleeped a message .We have exactlty same phones and i picked hers up totally 150% by accident and i checked the message from "simon" never thought no more of it until i read that ,"she " was the reason he went to work.I thought wtf and realised it was her phone,so i checked the other 2 .one was a love poem and the other saying sory he hadnt texted her to tuck her in.

however she is 100% adament nothing is going on and looking in her eyes i believe her.

back to the meeting
she was quizzed about this "simon" and she says hes her best mate.the meeting carried on and everything was discussed.
in the car on the way home i asked her if i was not her best friend and she said no simon was but nothing in the love dept just mates .

tuesday
cant get this best friend bullshit out of my head and cant see a way out if she remains as best friends with him ,i dont think anything sexually is going on but its scramling me tho.

well its now tuesday....

saturday.
I told her she either commits herself 100% into trying or its over.that evening she had a few drinks and we ended up in bed and it was fantastic.

sunday.
things seem to be improving she seems to trying.

monday.
we go and see councler and i thought things were mending ,but she still is adement that it wont work out but she wants to give it a go.

I forgot to add on my 1st post that the fall out began on the saturday night after my cell phone bleeped a message .We have exactlty same phones and i picked hers up totally 150% by accident and i checked the message from "simon" never thought no more of it until i read that ,"she " was the reason he went to work.I thought wtf and realised it was her phone,so i checked the other 2 .one was a love poem and the other saying sory he hadnt texted her to tuck her in.

however she is 100% adament nothing is going on and looking in her eyes i believe her.

back to the meeting
she was quizzed about this "simon" and she says hes her best mate.the meeting carried on and everything was discussed.
in the car on the way home i asked her if i was not her best friend and she said no simon was but nothing in the love dept just mates .

tuesday
cant get this best friend bullshit out of my head and cant see a way out if she remains as best friends with him ,i dont think anything sexually is going on but its scramling me tho.

More rough stuff dude. If your relationship were normal other than Simon, I wouldn't think much of it. As it is; doesn't sound good.

Questions:

1. Have you ever caught your wife in a lie after looking in her eyes and believing her?

2. Does she have the opportunity to see this fellow that you wouldn't know about?

If the answers to these two questions are yes, you might want to move your readiness status to Defcon 2. It might be time to consult an attorney.

As a strategic aside: You "asked her if i was not her best friend"? Did you get teary eyed or angry when she said no (rhetorical question)? Bear with me, I'm not trying to be mean. I don't know you're normal personality but that type of question screams needy, desperate... weak. None of these are attractive features on a man. Strength, confidence and even a touch of arrogance are sexy. A smart fellow once said, "men are at there worst, when it's really important" or something to that effect. My point is; try not to let your misery compound your problems by making you appear to be less of a man than you are.

Sorry my comments are not more positive.

1 & 2
no and no


the answer to the question was a serious straight faceed NO....just best friends ...nothing else.......tonight weve both been to see my sis in hospital who got assulted and needs her nose reconfig...and she was koool considering it was her 1st visit since her pops died.....i know how she felt because im stil the same 4 years down the line,,,,,,,,i thnk i need to give simon a slap or a good hiding because hes in my head and even though i aint met him i hate him.

im taking her out for a romatic meal on saturday so we shall what happens from there but this best friend is still buzzing in my head and she told me to forget about it but i cant.

Dude, that's either a cheating issue or it's not. If it's not; then I'm sorry to report it's a petty issue on your part. I've had the same best friend for 20 years, and no doubt will have forever. That's no slight on whoever I date or marry. Pretend this dude is a chick... or that he's gay... if you're sure there is no cheating here. If you're sure there's no cheating here, try not to poison your already stressed relationship with petty jealousy.

I wonder where all the sensitive people are … Oh well, I guess you'll have to settle for the ramblings of a Packerfan. :wink:

Good luck on Saturday! Try very hard to just set aside your numerous problems and just enjoy her company. Fun, carefree and casual as if you don't have a worry in the world. Force yourself to accept that you'll be fine no matter what happens and relax and just be yourself. That's the man she fell in love with and that's the man who has a shot at turning things around. A petty, insecure, nitpicker has no shot at all. Again, I do wish you the best of luck!

Those text messages from Simon do not sound at all like messages from 'just a friend'. Poems and tucking into bed are not 'just friends' behaviour.

ukman, don't bother about thinking about being mad at Simon. He is not in your marriage. It's you and your wife, and whatever is going on is between the two of you. Your wife needs to decide whether she's going to stay in your marriage and commit herself to you.





hmmmmmm, have you met Simon? Does he know that the two of you are working on your marriage? (not, she says she's told him - have you seen them together when she's told him she's working on her marriage?).

(ehBeth, you have a nifty Avatar waiting for you here :wink: )

Simon is not just a friend. He's dangerous to your relationship. Personally, I have to disagree with O-Bill on this. I think it's as serious as anything. She should think you're her best friend, and you should in fact BE her best friend. This girl is trying to distance herself from you, and is already fantasizing of her next relationship.

i agree scoates in the regards of dangerous but ive promised her to give it a go,but doesnt stop me thinking though,however she knows that if there was something going on between them that there would be serios consequences for him,rightly or wrongly id hurt him big time.


however....we went out for an italian meal on saturday night and kids stayeyed at grans>We had a wonderful evening and it was good at lights out to.
since then things have been kool a bit eggshelly though as you would expect but not to bad .so who knows where go from here who knows.