My wife does not want sex anymore.

Random thought:

Lots of studies and such have shown that women tend (tend) to want to have sex after they feel emotionally intimate with their partner, while men tend (tend) to feel emotionally intimate with their partner after they have sex. This can lead to a feedback loop -- there is some sort of crisis, the woman wants to feel emotionally close and supported, the man wants to have sex to feel more emotionally close, the woman is annoyed that her emotional needs are not being met and is less likely to have sex, the man is annoyed that his sexual needs are not being met and is less likely to be there for her emotionally... and on it goes.

Just an example of how there can be no clear cut right/wrong (amen to what nimh said about the blame game), just slight differences of emphasis that can spiral out of control.

What do you think of counseling, iloveher? Still interested in hearing more from you.

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Quote:

Joahaeyo, your statment freaked me out. No one is obligated to give someone their body. Ever. Under any circumstances. And as a Christian I am embarassed that other people might think that all Christian's believe that.

I'm sure all Christians are embarrassed by other Christians.

This is what I believe, was taught, and what every tape (including Max Lucado and several other famous people) I've listened to say.

I'm offering my suggestions, and the person who made the thread can pick and choose the advice they want to take or parts of...

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

In a related subject Kristie....they say a womans greatest talent is the ability to hold a fart in forever if need be...but her greatest failing is the inability to keep a secret.......so if you want to tell a woman a secret.....whisper in her ass....

man, someone should have told me these things....I am lactose intolerant so there is no holding in. Laughing

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Joahaeyo wrote:

Quote:
Joahaeyo, your statment freaked me out. No one is obligated to give someone their body. Ever. Under any circumstances. And as a Christian I am embarassed that other people might think that all Christian's believe that.

I'm sure all Christians are embarrassed by other Christians.

This is what I believe, was taught, and what every tape (including Max Lucado and several other famous people) I've listened to say.

I'm offering my suggestions, and the person who made the thread can pick and choose the advice they want to take or parts of...

I didn't say I was embarrassed by you. I said I was embarrassed that Christian's get all lumped together with one statement.

I just don't believe that. God would never want that. Never never never never. He created sex for 1) progreation purposes and 2) so that a married couple could be as close as it possible to be and create an intimacy that could not be matched outside of the marriage.

He would not want one of those people to be acting out this incredible, beautiful, intimate act because they felt obligated. He would want them to be doing it because of the love and connection they felt for the other person. That is just my opinion.

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Wife's duty: fill his needs
Man's duty: fill her needs

Man's #1 need: sex
Hers: some say security, some say emotions

If I were to name the top 5 pre-marriage books given out to couples by ministers across the U.S., they would include books such as

His needs, her needs
Fit to be Tied
The Five Love Languages
forgot the name but it's by Max Lucado

....all of them preach this and tell women they NEED to do this even when they don't want to, and unless they're sick or are having a bad day (and this can't be an every day thing), there's no reason to be denying a man of his #1 need when expecting yours to be met as well.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one. Wink

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That. Is. Scary.

No offence Joahaeyo. Just peering into a culture gap the size of an abyss ;-)

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I once thought squinney didn't want sex anymore then I discovered she just didn't want sex with me anymore....

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I think the minister that married us gave my wife a copy of "1001 excuses for not having sex".

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Joahaeyo wrote:

Wife's duty: fill his needs
Man's duty: fill her needs

Man's #1 need: sex
Hers: some say security, some say emotions

If I were to name the top 5 pre-marriage books given out to couples by ministers across the U.S., they would include books such as

His needs, her needs
Fit to be Tied
The Five Love Languages
forgot the name but it's by Max Lucado

....all of them preach this and tell women they NEED to do this even when they don't want to, and unless they're sick or are having a bad day (and this can't be an every day thing), there's no reason to be denying a man of his #1 need when expecting yours to be met as well.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one.

I've read the Five Love Languages and I don't remember there being ANYTHING in there about that. Maybe I choose to ignore it but....I really really don't. My #1 need is to be loved. And I am pretty sure that is my husbands #1 need, followed by security and then physical intimacy. I think he would be rather insulted if you told him his #1 need was sex.

But I think you are probably right on one thing...we will have to agree to disagree. Except for the part where you said that each other's duty is to fulfill the others needs....that I can agree on. :wink:

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I hope I will never bed someone who does it merely because she feels she's obliged to meet my needs ... and if it ever did happen, I apologize.

(And what fun is that? Sex without giving satisfaction?)

Anyway ... different folks different strokes, I guess!

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cjhsa wrote:

I think the minister that married us gave my wife a copy of "1001 excuses for not having sex".

I remember my first wife, instead of saying I do said "I don't....anymore"

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Somehow, putting the words "duty" and "sex" in the same sentence gives me the shivers.....

Ugh. Mad

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Eva wrote:

Somehow, putting the words "duty" and "sex" in the same sentence gives me the shivers.....

Ugh.

could be worse...could be the word "doody"....

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doody is a funny topic

howdy doody is good too.

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did you know that on the last day of the last shooting of Howdy Doody that princess simmerfallwinterspring was married on the set and then decapitated in a car accident leaving the studio?

just a little heartwarming human interest story there.....don't you feel warm and fuzzy?

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Oh my god.

I am going to start with an incredibly UNPOPULAR statement and in all fairness take every bit of bashig that will come to me for this.
Please do understand I am not attacking a single 'person' I am attacking a religion.
To see a woman say she HAS to SUBMIT to her husband when ever he NEEDS to... is the most disgusting thing I think I have ever heard in my life. AND to think that it is because CHRISTIANITY says it is ok just sickens me. Woman have been equal to men for THOUSANDS of years, until this horrid religion came along. Now, not only are we seen as the weaker sex, we are to allow a psudo rape to happen because a religion says so? Good grief. We as women will be so much better off when this religion fades into the background. We wont have to fight or succumb in any way just because of our sex. The day that happens I will be a happy woman.
That is all I am going to say on that.
My opinions are mine and I own them. I am sorry if that is offencive , but it is just that, MY opinion.

But as for the thread topic..
I have a suggestion. To keep it short and sweet and not about me, I just want to say that I have just gone through some what of the samething. Except that the lack of sex wasnt because of the inability to conceive, it was because we moved in with my husbands widowed mom. Awkwardness KILLED all of my sex drive. Still has.
My husband and I talked and talked and talked.. the idea of sex just didnt even make me feel good. What sex we had was always quickies beacuse we didnt want to be heard. For a woman, quickies suck. Sorry. hehe
Our conclusion was this:
Woman agressor. Man semi-aggressor.
Give her the sexual power. Not the sexual frustration. Do things that make HER want you, not the other way around. Remember women are NOT visual to the extreme men are. So you swinging your schlong aint working. Laughing

Love notes. Understanding, talking, hugging, scratching her back, cleaning.. allthose things you SEE her do on a regular basis.. do for her. Give her time to relax. Not bing able to have kids is a damaging thing to a woman who wants one. Give her time to chew on that. She will come around.
I hope that helps. ;-)

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I am the victim of my own joke. Princess summerfallwinterspring was not killed in a car wreck on the last day of shooting of Howdy Doody but on 4th of July weekend 1956 in a car crash along with her husband after finishing work on Jailhouse Rock.

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shewolfnm those of us who can swinging their schlongs around in a circle no hands have actually found that to be helpful at times. :wink:

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thanks for your input shewolfnm. Smile

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My wife does not want sex anymore.

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