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I'm about to end my so called relationship..women your thoughts are welcome

 
 
APS779
 
Reply Thu 8 Dec, 2016 03:12 am
In April of this year I was asked out by a woman who I had met a few years ago. I'm 37 she is 44. I liked her a lot and couldn't believe it..and things started off well, we held off on intimacy for awhile. Things went well I'd say until October. She went on a trip overseas with friends for 5 days. I've mentioned a vacation previously but she says yes but has not brought it up since. We both have the same job in different areas though not too far away. She told me about some "hobbies and interests" she likes a lot which I guess are a little dark but nothing horrible. I said sure a new experience! Shortly thereafter she said she was withdrawn from the relationship as I may have noticed.

After a week she would text me asking to bring the dog out when she was gone to an event. I felt bad for the dog so I did but never answered her that I did or the next day via text. (Cell phones suck here at times so text is best) she said later if I had something to say I should be ignoring her. So I told her how I felt and how we weren't intimate anymore and work and financial stress we're not enough to cause this. She said due to what she likes she didn't want to corrupt or change me as I was such a sweetheart but she liked me a lot and would do anything for me.

Things got better but the trust issue is a big one. Yesterday she told me "I won't be able to see you a friends coming to visit." I suddenly realized something's and it gave me time to think...

1. In 9 months I haven't met any of her friends other then conworkers. She had someone over before and would not say who. She says nothing is happening etc but since I'm all over town I figure if I see a second vehicle in the yard I would be curious so it's deflection.

2. She changed her FB status from a relationship to no status to show. When I asked her about it I told her that one of our mutual friends saw it and asked if we broke up. She told me she changed her privacy settings. Well I tried all that and found it not to be the case. She still calls me her feelings but I'm not sure why.

3. Due to our jobs she was trying to find a place to live so her daughter could stay in the school district. Rent is expensive. She cried saying it was better with a "partner" to share and work together. She caught herself and said "I'm not rushing though I don't wanna do that to just do that.

4. The secretiveness is killing me and I wonder if she thinks I'm stupid?

5. She says I'm great with her daughter but she's not in a rush for anything.

6. She had a bad work review last year due to personal life...I'm wondering if I help that image just a bit incase a promotion comes up to show improvement so to speak?

7. We have never or she has never asked for a picture of us together in 9 months. Any relationship I've had that's usually common. Ok sure we delete or burn many later but never saying let's take a picture?

8. She brings up an ex which she said hurt her just previous to me. Yes we've all been hurt but we must move forward.


Am I wrong to call it quits? Should I wait and see? What is going on? Anyone ladies or gentleman who have had experiences or knowledge your input is greatly appreciated.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Dec, 2016 02:22 pm
Right woman, wrong time.

She just doesn't seem to be at the same stage as you are. Perhaps the age difference and the fact that she has a child is what makes it so.

Move on. Sorry, but that's where you will get what you want.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Dec, 2016 02:42 pm
@APS779,
APS779 wrote:

In April of this year I was asked out by a woman who I had met a few years ago. I'm 37 she is 44. I liked her a lot and couldn't believe it..and things started off well, we held off on intimacy for awhile. Things went well I'd say until October. She went on a trip overseas with friends for 5 days. I've mentioned a vacation previously but she says yes but has not brought it up since. We both have the same job in different areas though not too far away. She told me about some "hobbies and interests" she likes a lot which I guess are a little dark but nothing horrible. I said sure a new experience! Shortly thereafter she said she was withdrawn from the relationship as I may have noticed.

After a week she would text me asking to bring the dog out when she was gone to an event. I felt bad for the dog so I did but never answered her that I did or the next day via text. (Cell phones suck here at times so text is best) she said later if I had something to say I should be ignoring her. So I told her how I felt and how we weren't intimate anymore and work and financial stress we're not enough to cause this. She said due to what she likes she didn't want to corrupt or change me as I was such a sweetheart but she liked me a lot and would do anything for me.

Things got better but the trust issue is a big one. Yesterday she told me "I won't be able to see you a friends coming to visit." I suddenly realized something's and it gave me time to think...

1. In 9 months I haven't met any of her friends other then conworkers. She had someone over before and would not say who. She says nothing is happening etc but since I'm all over town I figure if I see a second vehicle in the yard I would be curious so it's deflection.

2. She changed her FB status from a relationship to no status to show. When I asked her about it I told her that one of our mutual friends saw it and asked if we broke up. She told me she changed her privacy settings. Well I tried all that and found it not to be the case. She still calls me her feelings but I'm not sure why.

3. Due to our jobs she was trying to find a place to live so her daughter could stay in the school district. Rent is expensive. She cried saying it was better with a "partner" to share and work together. She caught herself and said "I'm not rushing though I don't wanna do that to just do that.

4. The secretiveness is killing me and I wonder if she thinks I'm stupid?

5. She says I'm great with her daughter but she's not in a rush for anything.

6. She had a bad work review last year due to personal life...I'm wondering if I help that image just a bit incase a promotion comes up to show improvement so to speak?

7. We have never or she has never asked for a picture of us together in 9 months. Any relationship I've had that's usually common. Ok sure we delete or burn many later but never saying let's take a picture?

8. She brings up an ex which she said hurt her just previous to me. Yes we've all been hurt but we must move forward.


Am I wrong to call it quits? Should I wait and see? What is going on? Anyone ladies or gentleman who have had experiences or knowledge your input is greatly appreciated.


I agree with punkey but want to add. A relationship should never be stressful or hectic. It defeats the point if you are. Things should be natural with little effort. People forget this and struggle to make something work but end up miserable or hurt. It's better to move on and find someone you don't have to struggle with. You'll be happier for it.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Dec, 2016 04:20 pm
@APS779,
Hmm. You're problems don't appear to be from not understanding women - they seem to stem from not understanding yourself:
- what you want/need is as important as what she wants/needs
- expect that the 'give & take' goes both ways, not just one way
- learn to stand up for yourself
- Expect respect in a relationship. If it slips, work to restore it. If the other person shows no change, Leave (you're not married. you don't have kids. Leave)

Quite frankly, what you describe is a user. She wants you around for emotional validation/ help / company / somesuch, but doesn't want a relationship in the way you do. She knows this, but she's keeping you around, for (and at) her convenience.
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