How do you like to be approached by men?

oooh, Joe, sounds lovely. Take pictures!

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littlek wrote:

Oh, Gus, while I am a sucker for a workman's hands and a strong back, I definitely have an issue with spitting on jewelry store floors. So, I'd most likely stare in horror.

Dlowan - yes, that must be it. But, alas, I'm sure it's lost on many men. My sister believes I've lost my window.

LOST YOUR WINDOW???!!!!!

Mine keeps opening - at MY age!!!!!!!

She's out of her mind.

Mind you - it helps to keep it running smoothly on whatever opens it....

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nonononon, not in general, but with this one guy in particular!

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Joe Nation wrote:

Excuse me folks, but I need to interrupt for this important message.

Kicky: Frank and I are meeting for a drink Thursday night 6:30 at The Frying Pan (W. 23rd St and the Hudson River) We'll be the bearded duff and the chunky guy in the plaid shirt. Please join us, we shall share our most salient opening lines.

Anyone else in the New York-New Jersey area is welcome to join us as we watch the sun go down and the lights come up on the Hudson. Tis beautiful and there won't be too many more days before it gets too cold to sit on the top of a fireboat with the best views of the City.

Joe

Thanks for the invite, but I will have to miss the sunset and the lights coming up. I have Italian class every Thursday evening after work until 9:00. This Thursday is the first class of level II. I can't miss it. How late will you be there? Maybe I can get there after class for a little while.

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littlek wrote:

Kicky, I'd smile and look at you funny. And then I'd probably walk away.

As long as there's a smile in there somewhere, I'm happy.

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littlek wrote:

nonononon, not in general, but with this one guy in particular!

Ack.

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I have the same problem as kicky and lil'k - I can never approach a stranger and if anyone is looking at me, I tend to turn away and try and melt in the background.

I guess I have lost my window as well Sad

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Joe Nation wrote:

Excuse me folks, but I need to interrupt for this important message.

Kicky: Frank and I are meeting for a drink Thursday night 6:30 at The Frying Pan (W. 23rd St and the Hudson River) We'll be the bearded duff and the chunky guy in the plaid shirt. Please join us, we shall share our most salient opening lines.

Anyone else in the New York-New Jersey area is welcome to join us as we watch the sun go down and the lights come up on the Hudson. Tis beautiful and there won't be too many more days before it gets too cold to sit on the top of a fireboat with the best views of the City.

Joe

I wanna be there as well !!! <off to check flights to NY>

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Part of this is the fear of being rejected, which I'd bet most guys have to some degree. But this is why that doesn't make sense.

The person you are approaching has never seen you before. They have lived their whole lives without having any clue that you even exist. They don't know you. They can't possibly judge your worth and your value as a person. And what's more, you don't know them. They could be shy, stupid, racist, an incredibly bad judgment of character, and a million other things that would make them shy away from your approach.

So she says "get lost". Big deal. She doesn't know how absolutely f*cking wonderful you are. And it's her loss.

I don't know, it helped me get over that fear...somewhat.

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jogging is a great way to meet the wimmins.

they seem to be a lot more open, make eye contact, even say "hi" to strange men (such as myself)...

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Gautam wrote:

I have the same problem as kicky and lil'k - I can never approach a stranger and if anyone is looking at me, I tend to turn away and try and melt in the background.

I guess I have lost my window as well

Any stranger looks at me, I call the cops. The handcuffs go on and I look them straight in the eye and ask "can I call you next week?" Laughing

I guess the point here is the same one that kicky was getting at. Fear of rejection is nonsense. Dating is like print advertising (man, that's a cold analogy, but bear with me...) You can only expect a 1-2 % return on your investment. So, the more people you hit on, the better your odds.

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quote]

Fear of rejection is nonsense. Dating is like print advertising (man, that's a cold analogy, but bear with me...) You can only expect a 1-2 % return on your investment. So, the more people you hit on, the better your odds.[/quote]

I agree with this, but there is one problem for us wimmins, there isn't a huge selection to pick from. Single woman out number single men. Out of the few men available, (I think I speak for most woman) we have to like the personality as well as be attracted to the outside for it to go anywhere beyond a few dates.
Trying to find the double combination has been a problem for me, I don't even bother trying anymore.

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Girls are a thing that have always mystified me
One thing I'll never understand
There's more of those girls than us boys
But they never seem to be at hand
Well, I decided I was gonna be a real lady killer
I was gonna get more than my share
So I went out hunting and soon found out
It's safer hunting grizzly bear.

--"Lady Killer", by John Entwistle

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paulaj wrote:

quote]

Fear of rejection is nonsense. Dating is like print advertising (man, that's a cold analogy, but bear with me...) You can only expect a 1-2 % return on your investment. So, the more people you hit on, the better your odds.

I agree with this, but there is one problem for us wimmins, there isn't a huge selection to pick from. Single woman out number single men. Out of the few men available, (I think I speak for most woman) we have to like the personality as well as be attracted to the outside for it to go anywhere beyond a few dates.
Trying to find the double combination has been a problem for me, I don't even bother trying anymore.[/quote]

Nah, that is a falsehood borne of woman-thought, basically the tendency to wrap yourself up in a world of enigma and second-guessing. Lie on the couch and tell me if any or all of these thoughts ever entered your mind while considering guys to date:

"He's hot, but stupid."
"He's hot, but unstable."
"He's hot, unstable and stupid, but something about his rugged danger attracts me."
"He's not so hot, but stable. He'll take care of me, but the bedroom will be a problem."
"He's not so hot, but funny. I hope his schlong is gigantic."
"He's not so hot, but rich. That turns me on, even if his schlong isn't gigantic."
"He's kinda cute, decent in bed, makes a good living, treats me well, do I want the middle class dream though?"
"I give up." (already been covered)
"Given the number of people in the world, if I did a little more work, things could work out, or am I just deluding myself?"
"Maybe I should just relax and let things happen, rather than be negative."

Meeting the 'right' person often involves a suspension of your preconceptions. That is what those 'few dates' are for. If you go with your first impression on instinct, you are indeed doomed. :wink: Okay, I'm off of the virtual shrink chair now.

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paulaj wrote:

I agree with this, but there is one problem for us wimmins, there isn't a huge selection to pick from. Single woman out number single men. Out of the few men available, (I think I speak for most woman) we have to like the personality as well as be attracted to the outside for it to go anywhere beyond a few dates.
Trying to find the double combination has been a problem for me, I don't even bother trying anymore.

Aren't you just saying this to justify your non-actions?

You say that you have to like the personality to allow it to go beyond a few dates, but you admit to not even trying. I think your logic is backwards. You have to try in order to find out if you like his personality.

When you go on a date are you the very same person you always are or do you try to be a lttle funnier, a little smarter, a little more interesting? My point is, if you are nervous he probably is too. In order to really find out who a person is you have to invest a little bit of time... not just find faults with the person to justify you running away again.

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Cav

Those scenarios happen to everyone at some point who would want any of them? with the exception of the middle class dream, I have never snubbed my nose at that.

Jpln & Cav, I have given the last three guy's I went out with a chance, multiple dates and hours on the phone talking.

I dated someone a year ago, we agreed to just go out and have fun as neither one of us had been dating much, by the third date he was saying thing's like "I think about you all the time", "want to take a trip to an exotic island I saw on the travel channel", "want to spend a weekend up the mountains" It seemed like he was in a speed boat and I was in a row boat. And when I kissed him there were NO sparks what so ever, none. We went out on 4 occasions and I could not get on the same page as him.

Jpln & Cav, (or anyone) if you were in this situation what would you have done.

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Men are like parking spaces......all the good ones are already taken and the rest are handicapped.

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paulaj wrote:

I have given the last three guy's I went out with a chance, multiple dates and hours on the phone talking.

That is the part I hate the most. The hours on the phone talking. Oh god, it is excruciating.

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kickycan wrote:

paulaj wrote:
I have given the last three guy's I went out with a chance, multiple dates and hours on the phone talking.

That is the part I hate the most. The hours on the phone talking. Oh god, it is excruciating.

Why? It's how you get to know someone.

You can alway's do what my last boyfriend did, get a head-set so you don't have to hold the phone :-)

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kickycan wrote:

paulaj wrote:
I have given the last three guy's I went out with a chance, multiple dates and hours on the phone talking.

That is the part I hate the most. The hours on the phone talking. Oh god, it is excruciating.

Me too me too me too - that must so be a guy/girl thing. I hate the endless phonecalls too. Hate hate hate them. I dont know any guy who likes to be on the phone forever. Unless they're, like, in the acute throes of love. (OK, so I dont know many guys, period, but you know what I mean.)

My sister used to be on the phone for hours on end too - literally ... The same story, told five different times, constantly seeking multiple responses/confirmations to her take on every goddamn thing that happened ... Man.

And you dont really get to know someone on the phone, anyway. Only way to get to know 'em is in real-life interaction, you know - 3D - interaction with you and with, I dunno - the street, the people around you - friends, the neighbourhood grocer. Sometimes, the best way to get to know someone is even just being silent. Going to get an ice-cream together, walk, smile.

I like getting a voicemail message from a loved one ... I like calling for a sweet hello or a goodnight. But I'm serious, the long phone calls thing would be a major reason for me not to want any long-distance relationship anymore ...

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How do you like to be approached by men?

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