I'm married but feeling rejected by another man

It's hard to know where to even start but I really need advice from others. First of all, I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids. My husband and I are in love and best friends...but it's sooo complicated the last couple years. We've both been unfaithful in different ways. I have had sexting affairs, 1 of those was with his best friend. His best friend ended the "relationship" with me, my husband knows about it and has forgiven me (but hates his former friend). It gets crazier...I found out that my husband slept with a prostitute about a year ago. He did this knowing nothing (yet) about my sexting affairs. We basically forgave each other and have been trying to move past it.

Now, let me explain a little bit about why I believe we both did what we did. We both have some depression and anxiety issues that we take meds for. Also, we got married very young and he had one previous sexual partner, I had none (he's the only person I've actually had sex with). We went through a lot of discussion and breakthroughs when I found out about the prostitute. It seems like he did it because of his depression and he wanted to "feel something" like be risky and add some thrill to make him feel more alive or something. We discussed my sexting too but to a lesser extent because I didn't "do the deed". My husband said the hooker was a horrible mistake and didn't have the effect he wished it would. We went to counseling and he's seeing a psychiatrist alone to deal with his depression.

I believe I have sexted because I want the sexual thrill. I've been with one man my whole life and while I love him, I want to be ravaged by someone new. I'm a very sexual person and the sex with my husband isn't bad...it used to drive me wild. I also feel very desired by him because he's always arroused by me and wanting sex and very loving and sweet. The hooker thing really shocked me because it's just not like him. Anyway, I desire other men pretty regularly. I feel like I'm missing out by not getting that excitement and thrill from a new partner. I feel like I will regret only having one sexual partner my whole life. Since he slept with the hooker, I've been thinking more and more about actually having an affair. I feel disgusted in myself and guilty and selfish but I crave it. It's like I want a quick affair and I want to be able to justify it because of what he did. Then I want to go on like nothing happened and live happily ever after with my husband. It's screwed up, and I know things don't work like that but that's what I desire. Sorry, I know this is long.

Here's what I really want to know. I have bought weed from a guy a couple times and a few days ago I texted him about meeting up to buy more. (My husband knows all about this and is cool with it). I only smoke weed a few times a week at night, when my kids are in bed and my husbands home. So...I texted my dealer and he said he's not selling anymore BUT he would "**** me if possible". I was shocked because this is a cute, clean cut, college guy in his early 20's and I'm in my mid 30s. I wouldn't have thought he was attracted to me at all. I questioned him about it a bit and he said that he'd always thought I was hot and had fantasizes about me. I told him that I was married but still might be interested. Me being married didn't phase him at the time. He said he wanted to meet in a hotel and that he knew how to take care of older women and blah blah. Said he wished he could have me all to himself. I told him to call me and we talked dirty and I'm pretty sure he was touching himself. He wanted a pic of my ass but I said no. He wanted to plan to meet up and we sorta tentatively decided to meet up under the disguise that I was just going to buy weed. He even said he'd get me weed to keep up the ruse to my husband. I told him I had to go and that I'd text him in a few days.

So...two days later, I'm in bed alone and I text him. He didn't reply, so I sent a text asking if he still wanted to "**** me?" He said, "haha, yes. But I really want an ass pic". Sooo, I sent him one. He said, "wow. Nice. Damn" and I asked if he liked it and he said "haha definitely!" But then he just stops texting. When I texted him again he said "sorry, busy rn" and I said "no prob. If you wanna text me when you're not busy I want to tell you something " and then he texts me telling me that he actually isn't sure we should be doing this because I'm married. I said he didn't have a problem with that the other night and he said that he didn't then but he's "had time to sit on it" and he doesn't want anything coming back on him. He also said he had been getting religious lately and felt like it was immoral intervening in a marriage. I mentioned that he'd just asked for a pic of a married woman's ass and he laughed it off like he knows but he wouldn't feel right if anything came of it. So...that was it.

I feel stupid and rejected. I know I have no right to feel rejected but I was kinda thinking this might be that fling I'd have and was really attracted to him. I was so flattered by his attraction and attention and then just...BAM he blows me off!

Do you think that he blew me off because he really got morals all of a sudden? I just don't understand men. I haven't dated in 15 years and that resulted in marriage. I was basically telling this guy I was willing to meet and have sex and he wanted it, then just changed his mind. Ugh. I know it's wrong for me to want a no strings attached affair and I wish I would stop feeling that way. Also, I'm sorta thinking never feeling rejected again is reason enough to not try anything.

Can someone explain what this guys motives were??