I'm married but feeling rejected by another man

"Re: WorriedMommy (Post 6280277)
Well its hard to say if you are getting the full explanation from your husband. Not to say hes lying but Ive seen many cases where a married man having "dirty" desires can no longer get them fullfilled by his wife after she has children because he views her differently. So maybe the prostitute was an attempt to fullfill this for him but it failed? "

Obviously, we know each other well. I do not think this is the case. We already had a 4 year old when the hooker incident ensued. I truly believe he regrets it and did it for the reason he said (to feel alive). He suffers from depression that he says stems from everything except me and the kids.

He also knows me well enough to know about my desire for other men. He wasn't really surprised by the sexting I'd done. I think my desires are carnal, but also stem from my inclination to pursue excitement. My depression issues make my "thrill seeking" even more palpable.

Well Im probably going to be in the minority when I say I think you should pursue this. I know its not traditional and perhaps a marriage councilor would completely dissagree with me. I support the idea but jyst be sure you are willing to accept any possible result from acting on it.

Has your husband asked if you have already had an affair? Just be careful which ever you decide. It mightitot turn out how you want it.

He's asked if I've had an affair and knows I haven't. When I first found out what he did I actually told him how I felt it was unfair that I felt immense guilt over dirty texting with (men I could have actually cheated with) but never actually slept with anyone else. He understood but definitely made it known that he wishes I would stay faithful. I honestly don't believe he will ever cheat on me again.

If I'm being totally honest, I'm only 60% sure I'd have actually hooked up with drug dealer guy. I mean, it stung that he rejected me but when it came down to actually driving to meet him, I could easily have chickened out. Sorry that I keep adding layers to the story. lol It's a damn roller coaster making me crazy! But the anticipation of it and the whole idea was thrilling.

Also, him coming on to me was a fluke I didn't expect. I've thought about such a thing but haven't remotely attempted to actually cheat before. I hadn't even flirted or persued anything after my husband cheated...until now.

Then this guy comes on to me and I suddenly feel all sorts of exciting, thrilling things.

If I did pursue an affair I'm not sure I could seek someone out to have it with. This situation just fell into my lap. So, even if it's what I really want/need...I wouldn't even know how to go about it. Obviously a hooker is out of the question. Lol Plus, I crave someone desiring me and who pursues me.

I'd like to know your ideas of the consequences you mentioned. Do you mean I could fall in love with someone else? Or it could wreck my marriage? I know it sounds ignorant to ask but I'm just wondering if you had other possible results in mind.

Thank you so much for your well put and thought out responses! This kind of dialogue is what I wanted and I greatly appreciate it.

I feel like I'm being selfish too. I love my husband and I want to stay married not just for us but for our kids.

Because you're both on medication for your depression, you've got to have medical professionals. Why not talk to them about what's going on?

Must be one ugly ass! LOL

Thanks asshole....

Eh, dont worry about Eliusa..

So how is your situation? Anything new develope?

Did you see the private message I sent you?

I did. Thanks for the response. Now you are going to make everyone wonder what the message was about.

Haha I'm worried about being judged. 😑

Here goes:

I actually met a man, young but not as young as the other guy. He's in a serious, live in relationship and looking for the same thing as me. Neither of us wants out of our relationships and we're both very sexual. We've been exchanging lots of emails and pictures and will be meeting at a hotel next week. As of right now, it's all very fool proof. Not for nothing, this guy is insanely hot and very turned on by me! I'm actually pretty excited about this.

The part about "fool proof" is the aspect that you cant quite tell how things will unfold. He might fall for you and want to keep seeing you and still stay with his relationship. If you cut him off if hes head over for you what sort if problems can he create chasing you.

Or turn that around, what if you become head over for him? Can you really cut such ties easily to maintain your marriage?

What if both want to continue a side relationship where you meet up for dates or sex? This now becomes more than what you were really planning for.

Have you worked all this out?

I don't think she worried at all.
She is a tough cookie.
And she would dump her husband's ass if it wasn't for kids.
Totally understood.
If my husband cheated I would totally take a blame.
I started it...so sucking up in order! No?

It is kind of weird you saying she should pursue it.
I don't even see what to pursue unless she had mentioned loving the guy.
Did she?

There is an underline aspect to monogamy that gets ignored when a young couple has zero experience outside their marriage.

As I understand it. Her relationship with her husband is the only sexual one shes had. It wasnt a problem until he cheated on her. Now in a way she feels robbed by not have had past experiences.

Also as marriages tend to go. Both people end up losing passion for each other because of being too familiar. There is nothing new to discover. They end up taking the other for granted. No more risk, everything is defined.

For her happiness I say she should pursue it. She can gain a lot by success or failure. This is why I do not support no sex before marriage ideologies. Sure they can work but they are fickle and can lead to problems later.

I just caution her on expecting it to have no drawbacks. I think she is aware but they are fine for now.

There is something about knowing and feeling desired by someone other than your spouse. Its healthy but as a society we shun such thoughts or ideas as bad or immoral. So it forces you to be unhappy to maintain societies ideal relationship.

All the signs are there that it is not the best method for happiness to lock yourself to one person. Nothing else we do is done that way. We change and often these changes are no longer compatible with the same partner.

Thanks for posing some good questions. I guess it's a bit foolish to believe this is fool proof. I think what helps is that we are both in relationships and not looking for love. Also, we haven't (and don't plan to) bond in any way other than sexually. We know the bare minimum needed about each other to keep it casual. I never thought I could have no strings attached sex but I'm really loving the idea now.

I'm meeting him at a hotel in 3 days (eek) and I'm crazy nervous, but only because I've only been with one man. At this point I'm not worried about him falling for me I am worried about being insecure or doing something wrong or him not liking me in person. It's sad that that's all I'm concerned about but it's true. He's a gorgeous 25 year old and I'm scared that I won't add up. Blah. But I feel it's worth the risk. If all goes well we are both interested in making it an ongoing thing. So, if he wants me again that'd be great. Lol

Thanks for sucking up. :p

The funny thing is, he might be feeling the same way. If hes not nervous about it, I would be surprised.

The nervous tension is good though. Its part if it and necessary.

I cant wait for the next episode.

The next episode. LOL God I hope he's nervous too. lol

I actually checked out (stalked) his facebook page. 😬 I used a throw away email account and we didn't give out last names. I saw in his email profile his full name and realized he'd actually given me a fake name. I was curious and searched him on facebook and it was definitely him. Get this...his live in girlfriend is a gorgeous 21 year old model! That intimidated the hell out of me. I also realized from pics that this guy is rich and is even sexier than the pics he sent me. 😳 After we really got to talking about what we wanted and how hot we were for each other it gave me a few clues as to why he is straying. He likes my big lips and breasts and that I'm a little curvy and that I'm older and a MILF. Plus, he's clearly seeking something with someone unlike his girlfriend, who is tall (I'm 5'4"), small breasts, thin lips etc. I guess I'm his fetish type. Lol Which is cool, because I have a fetish for gorgeous, tall 25 year olds. Duh.

Still, I can't help but feel inferior to his gorgeous, model girlfriend!!! I've sent him full nude pics and he goes crazy for them but I can't adjust the angle in a flattering way in person. lol I'm worried bc my boobs sag a bit from breastfeeding and I've got some cellulite on my legs. Grrrr. I'm just gonna jump in with both feet.