What are we doing? Emotional affair no sex yet...

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Hi everyone,

I would just like to start by saying that I'm not here for abuse from anyone. Just opinions and advice. I'm going to try and be straight to the point but my story is complicated.

There's this guy... he's quite a bit older than me, at the risk of sounding cheesy I think he's my soulmate or something... we clicked straight away, I've never been into older men but there's just something about him, we have something special by his own admission.

We tell each other everything, we are completely honest with each other no lies, he says what we have is indescribable, we can't understand it, we shouldn't get on so well because we're so different but we do. He tells me he thinks I'm pretty and he loves my mind, he touches me alot we mess around hold hands, cuddle, he tickles me or strokes my arm.

He's married and he tells me he and his wife don't have sex anymore, he lives for his kids they are his priority. I support him in that and in everything. He supports me through everything too, he's been my rock through so much.

If one of us goes on holiday or we can't see each other for any reason we always have the most intense goodbyes. We tell each other how much we will miss each other he said he would kiss me at one point but he couldn't cos people were around. We buy each other gifts he randomly buys me things I get him gifts too.

We keep our closeness quiet from others. But we do talk about sex alot as well as the sweet talk. He tells me I'm the only one I'm the highlight of his day. I try not to be naive so I didn't believe him but then he made me believe it he shows me his phone and tells me to ask anyone how he is with them.

I didn't mean to fall head over heels for him but I have... and I don't know what's happening with us or how he feels or what to do? I would never want to ruin his family. I love him so much I just want him to be happy. But I can't help how I feel.

What should I do? I don't want to talk to him about my feelings because I don't want to ruin what we have and I don't want to be rejected or upset him by putting him in an awkward position.

There's a lot more to this story but I don't want to bore anyone.

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Older married men very often tell young women that their marriage is dead in bed, their wife does not understand them, etc. They also often progress to having sex with these young women. These things happen often, as I have said. What happens rarely, by contrast, is the man leaving his wife for the young woman. What also happens rarely is the woman getting any lasting happiness. if you tell him about your feelings, he may abruptly terminate the "affair" or he may simply spin you a story about how he can't leave his wife or children or both, bla bla bla, and carry on using you. It's your life. Do what you want.

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"He's married and he tells me he and his wife don't have sex anymore, he lives for his kids they are his priority."

My dear, this is the oldest line in the modern world.

He has already set the boundaries of your relationship. (Things are intolerable at home (no sex) so he has justification to mess around; but his children keep him there so don't expect him to make any moves that hurt them)

Heartache is on the way for you.

Find a younger man who gives you compliments.

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@PUNKEY,

I don't want him to leave or expect him to leave his family. I just want him to be happy. We haven't ever been physical we've never been in a position where that could happen. He seems to try and make me tell him that how I feel but I just can't do that... I'm too scared. If he told me how he felt then I would tell him my feelings but I don't know where he's at with it so i wouldn't risk it. But I wouldn't want to do anything to compromise his family or his happiness x

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@PUNKEY,

I don't understand why is everybody trying to deny that long marriages often
Go sexless? It is happenning in 80 percent of long marriages!
Is it surprising to you?

My married man tells me if he had sex with his wife. So not everyone
Is making up stories. I do have sex with my husband...but it is like I don't
Anyway. I don't get anything out of it. So stop saying same things in
Every post like this. We all got it. Men lie. Except those who dont

1 Reply

Why don't we just ask his wife? There's her side of the story, too.

This guy is quite a bit older than the OP. She's flattered. He knows just the things to say.

She needs to go into this thing with eyes wide open.

I myself would never start up something with a married man. That's just asking for heartache.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

I don't think he's lying about not having sex cos I don't see the point in lying about it. I didn't ask him the question either he just told me.

I didn't mean to feel this way it would be easier if I didn't. But I can't stop the feelings I have for him. I'm not really flattered by it in wouldn't say cos I've had older guys tell me that alot in the past and recently and I just think thanks but no thanks. It's different with him. We were friends first then it's just developed. Well it has for.me anyway maybe he thinks were still just friends. But the conversations have changed and there is alot more flirting and sweet talk than there was when I felt we were just friends.

I don't know I'm just so confused by it.

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@Akitax,

I hope you will see this for what it is:

An older, bored-with-his-marriage, man who is feeling re-spirited from the attention of a much younger girl who is willing to hero worship him.

PS How do you know that the "no sex" in his marriage is HER fault? Yes, this happens in long-term marriages, but it can be a mutually agreed upon happenstance. He does owe you an explanation as to why he is pursuing you instead of working on his marriage.

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@PUNKEY,

I don't know who's fault it is if any ones that they don't have sex. I got the impression they don't have time and children get in the way. He seems quite a sexual person he enjoys talking about it.

If that's the case then I guess we just stay friends or whatever we are.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Sexless marriage is usually women's fault. Except in my case.
There is another forum that has a thread Why married women
hate to have sex with their husbands?
It is known fact everywhere except here.
You keep denying it! And no, no one wants to love a person who
Is not available! It hurts. It's inconvenient. It HURTS!!!
WHY would anyone want that?
Do I want to be walking with my heart in my throat?
Does she want to be having this knowing there is no future and
She is probably wasting her youth on this man???
Open your eyes advisers and stop treating us as if love was a bad
ha but that is easy to quit!

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@Akitax,

Quote:

I don't think he's lying about not having sex cos I don't see the point in lying about it.
Quote:
The point in lying about it is getting you to believe it and feel sorry for him so you will spread your legs for him without feeling guilty about screwing a married man. That is the point.

Quote:
I didn't ask him the question either he just told me.
I cannot fathom how he even brings this up in a conversation. The only reason a married man would even bring this up in conversation with a woman is because he wants to seduce her as I have already said. Otherwise there is not reason to bring it up.

You are headed for heartbreak if you let this continue. But as has been mentioned, it is your life. Do with it what you wish.

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@Eliusa,

Quote:

It is happenning in 80 percent of long marriages!

Do you have any studies you wish to quote that back up this made up number you just threw out there? Of course not. Easier to make things up in order to help you feel better about your situation.

1 Reply

@Akitax,

Quote:

I got the impression they don't have time and children get in the way.

And yet he has time to discuss his supposed lack of sex with you rather than spending that time discussing it with his wife? Wake up. You are being played.

1 Reply

@Akitax,

What do you plan/hope for yourself for your future? are you hoping to be in an exclusive long-term relationship? do you want/hope to have children?

Do you discuss your hopes and dreams for yourself with this man?

Do you go out on public dates? has he introduced you to his friends? have you introduced him to your friends and family?

1 Reply

@CoastalRat,

Hi, Mr.Perfect Husband!

Google and you will see 10 lines of titles. Pick any. And don't forget - not everyone is admitting. I didn't for 10 years!
And you are still insisting on your far from reality opinion that everyone is happily married and if they are not - they can work on it? BWHAHAHA

2 Replies

@CoastalRat,

WIFES with lack of sex DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS IT!
Why are you so dense? I can't tell my husband WHY I don't want to have sex with him (that if he could)...it is always hurtful for men! So you just withdraw
and be quiet.
OR
wives can't forget husband's past sins and becoming just nastier year to year.
Until they have nothing to talk about. What sex if there is anger bottled up?
I admire your stubbornness Rat. Can I borrow your pink eyeglasses?

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@ehBeth,

She said it all in her post! Open your eyes! They are in a flirting stage.
No sex, no kisses, no touching...

Akitax,
NOW you had met a whole gang! Embrace yourself girl!
You will read whole bunch of stamps from now on.
He will never divorce.
You had being played.
If he cheats on his wife he will cheat on you...etc
Booooring!

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

No sex, no kisses, no touching...

did you not read the OP? she said there is a lot of touching/cuddling etc

__

now - adios to you

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@Eliusa,

I have googled it and nowhere that I have looked do I see any study/survey that says 80% of long term marriages are sexless. Again, you make stuff up in order to make yourself feel good about your situation. Doing so does not help others who are seeking honest answers. But if the OP wants to buy into your 80% number that you pulled out of your ass and trust that this guy is telling her the truth, that is her decision.

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@Eliusa,

Oh, I meant to add two other things. First, thank you for recognizing that I am a perfect husband. My wife would tell you the same thing.

Second, of the polls I looked at, the highest percentage of wives claiming to be in a sexless marriage is 22%. Most of the polls came in between 18-20%. Sorry, but that in no way entitles you to assume that another 60% are lying without some type of evidence to back up your claim. Which of course you do not have because you made up your number.

3 Replies

What are we doing? Emotional affair no sex yet...

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