i'm surprised at how this thread has been progressing.
i felt from the beginning that the author sounded needy and immature in her actions. therefore, my first post was harsh. i wanted to write something that would possibly show her how trashy and childish she sounds in my view.
you guys are sure going easy on her. i think she got the message though...there is nothing ok about a woman her age kissing a 17 year old.
(sometimes it's hard for me to be nice/polite.)
PamO.- I think that one of the reasons that I didn't come right out and "tell it like it is" in no uncertain terms, is because of this. I don't think that Musiclvr has any conception of the absolute absurdity of her situation.
I believe that this lack of insight is a big part of her problem.
thanks, phoenix...i think you're right.
Well I won't go into all the responses to the bashing. I really don't mind and even welcome it. You are all right of course...but the things we have in common he liked before me. It is irrelevant at this point. I've ended the whole thing. What started out innocently enough didn't end up that way. Granted all we did was kiss. And yes the kiss was a kiss. Not a peck. I have my own issues...as some of you have been kind enough to point out. Thanks to you for not telling what you really felt. I appreciate that.
musiclver--
I expect he'll recover from his heartbreak, but have a glowing memory for the rest of his life.
How will you organize your life now? Hang on.
Quote:I expect he'll recover from his heartbreak, but have a glowing memory for the rest of his life.
You mean bragging rights once when he's drunk and hanging out with his friends.
Jaohaeyo--
Some men--a select few--are poets.
Noddy24 wrote:
Some men--a select few--are poets.
Here's the only piece I can think of written about a December/May relationship...
Quote:
Wake up maggie I think I got something to say to you
It's late september and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used
Oh maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurt
The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But that don't worry me none in my eyes you're everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn't need to coax
Oh, maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without
All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and
Mother what a lover, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
And in the morning kick me in the head
Oh maggie I couldn't have tried anymore
You lured me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone
You stole my heart I couldn't leave you if I tried
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin' hand
Oh maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I'm as blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway
Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back home one of these days
well, far be it for me to presume...
but there is kissing and there is Kissing, isn't there?...
I agreed generally with soz' posts, and most specifically on the one describing possible scenarios for 44-19.
On laws and 18, I see the point of 18 being the selected number, though I at this point think of it as soooo young.
So much happens as people mature from seventeen to early twenties. I hate to see a young person set off on a long term wrong tangent, right when it is a key time to get one's footing in adulthood, or a short term one that sets him or her off keel.
I know we have had a topic or two here on age relative to the woman being the young one, and I'm just as chary for women under eighteen (re a romantic relationship even without sexual contact.)
Still I have to defend some bit of age difference. I met my now-ex husband when he had just turned 22 and I was 33.
He had read as much as I had, more or less, was finishing an mfa in playwriting, understood a lot of history. It worked for us for a long time, a couple of decades.
Maybe we took each other off on a long term tangent, but it was a good marriage until things broke down toward the end. I'm not sorry we married and neither is he.
And I can easily see a fling that satifies both parties of different adult ages. Sure, the power balance is skewed sometimes, but that can be more complex than it seems.
Now that I am a wayyy older woman, I can't imagine actually marrying someone, say, eighteen years younger, though it is unlikely a 44 year old man would ask for my hand. But, hey, I'll listen.
At 17 he is still a kid. If I were his Mom and I found out about this, I would go crazy with worry over this.
Maybe he needs to feel cared for because his parents aren't around to do that. He is getting someone to care for him and that should be it. There should not be any romantic feelings involved here.
He probably likes to come to your house because it a stable home environment and he needs that.
Don' t make the mistake making it into a movie scenerio.
musiclvr ---
You have lost your ever-lovin' mind!
Look in the mirror and GROW UP.
You are 42 years old, you are NOT 17 or 20 or even 25--which would be the shameful outter reaches of said relationship.
He's 17 years old--he's a CHILD! I had my child late--aged 14.
There is a quarter of a century, a 25 year gap between you. You could ONLY be a mentor to him. Commonality would NOT be one of them.
I don't care if he had the physical equipment to please you or that you HOPE will please you. Or just because his skin isn't starting to wrinkle.
I'm 44 years old--and I know just like YOU should know.
If you can't get over this attraction--get thee to a doctor or therapy or something. This is highly UNHEALTHY.
Yes, this type of thing is shameful, and I hope you feel it and take action.
WAKE up and smell the coffee. You AREN'T 20 anymore.
No. And I know there is, that was what my post was about.
Though I admit it rambled.
I do think seventeen is hands off for an older person, though I might have qualms about immediately older being wildly illegal in the US. (Not to argue change, I am just not so sure on it.)
Seventeen is such an age of "becoming".
19 and 28, I can see a fling but that the relationship would be apt to run into long term stresses, should either person be looking to have it work out - but I'm not appalled. More likely for it to work if the older one is the fellow..
If I heard 22 and 33, I'd possibly frown if the older one was a woman, perhaps make an olderwiser speech, but wait, that's me, and it did work for decades.
Interesting, no one at the time gave me an older wiser speech; well, we lived together three years before marrying, and by that time we were well established. I remember the wife of a friend of ours wanted to interview us as an example of relationships that worked, for a grad level paper (forget what course that could have been.) I declined, didn't want to analyze success. We were probably dumb, in that elements of age diversity did have something to do with the eventual breakdown, but the marriage was rich in many ways long enough that I don't think of it as a mistake.
Hi musiclvr, I been reading through like 10 pages of this post and I think I will state my OPINION on this.
I seriously think it is OK between a 44 and a 19. No big deal, both adult and if it consensual, go for it. Yeah, TRUE that he 19 year old kids might get bore or tire later on and go for someone else, well that is the pain of you just have to suffer from the consequence you choosen that 19 yrs old kid.
Honestly, if you really love this 17 yrs old boy that much, I say stop with all the sex and marriage thinking. I say wait till he 18, DO see him, maybe go out with him, to lunch or what ever and get to know him. Time will prove everything, give him like a good 5 years or more for him to know you, and I think by like 5+ years, whether he love you or not, it will show. If he faking this or if this just a crush, it certainly be over by 5 years.
I know if am adding 5+ years to your age, you be 47+ and it just seem long but if you really love the kid, I guess this is the only way to proof if he serious on this. Yeah, he might say nice things, but am telling you this, guys are liars, well majority of them. And plus he 17, it still too early for him to actually know who he loves.
People view, ideas on things change by time, am sure when the kid are like 20+ he would not be liking the same music, think or same way or even attract to the same certain kind of women.
But things like this I see happen though, I know this man whom is 50 and marry a girl that was 21 and they are HAPPILY marry, even till now, they have 2 kids and still live happily. I know it because the 21 yrs old girl is a friend of mine and the guy was also a workers in her job just working at different departments. So yeah, big gap age thing can happen but am implying, IT IS RARE.
OK now let go with the IF. If let say, you give him of 5 years knowing him and he still feel the same way about you 5 years later and you still too, then go for it. IT MIGHT WORK OUT and again IT MIGHT NOT. That is a big chance you have to take. He might left you for another women once you start to age (not to be rude, am just honest) BUT that is just the Pain you have to live through since you CHOOSE HIM.
IF YOU and him are willing to go through all the consequences and risk then take that chance. YOU MUST HAVE THIS IN MIND, IF YOU CHOOSE HIM, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE YOU JUST GOT TO EXCEPT IT AND LIVE WITH IT. IT IS THE CHOICE THAT YOU MAKE AND YOU GOT TO WILLING TO TAKE THE SUFFER. OK, this is imply the kid will be over 18 and you and him have to have at least quiet a couple years to get to know each other.
Very interesting thread.
The salient point here is, as many have stated above (OssO, Phoenix), not the age difference per se, but WHEN this age difference is occuring.
People change more, IMO, between 18 and 30 than during any other time period in their lives. Basically, they grow up.
This young man is still very much child, and extremely vulnerable. If you really care for him, musiclvr, stop the relationship immediately, because he WILL get hurt.
(BTW, regardless of what you have or have not yet done with him, is absolutely IS about sex, definitely for him (uh, he's 17), and I'm thinking, if you're really honest about it, for you as well.)
If this young man were, say, 25-ish, I wouldn't really have a problem. And, apparently, neither does most of society. e.g. Michael Douglas with Catherine Zeta Jones, Hugh Heffner with scores of blonde bunnies, etc.
Of course, those examples are of older MEN with younger women ....
td8181 wrote:Hi musiclvr, I been reading through like 10 pages of this post and I think I will state my OPINION on this.
I seriously think it is OK between a 44 and a 19. No big deal, both adult and if it consensual, go for it. Yeah, TRUE that he 19 year old kids might get bore or tire later on and go for someone else, well that is the pain of you just have to suffer from the consequence you choosen that 19 yrs old kid.
Honestly, if you really love this 17 yrs old boy that much, I say stop with all the sex and marriage thinking. I say wait till he 18, DO see him, maybe go out with him, to lunch or what ever and get to know him. Time will prove everything, give him like a good 5 years or more for him to know you, and I think by like 5+ years, whether he love you or not, it will show. If he faking this or if this just a crush, it certainly be over by 5 years.
I know if am adding 5+ years to your age, you be 47+ and it just seem long but if you really love the kid, I guess this is the only way to proof if he serious on this. Yeah, he might say nice things, but am telling you this, guys are liars, well majority of them. And plus he 17, it still too early for him to actually know who he loves.
People view, ideas on things change by time, am sure when the kid are like 20+ he would not be liking the same music, think or same way or even attract to the same certain kind of women.
But things like this I see happen though, I know this man whom is 50 and marry a girl that was 21 and they are HAPPILY marry, even till now, they have 2 kids and still live happily. I know it because the 21 yrs old girl is a friend of mine and the guy was also a workers in her job just working at different departments. So yeah, big gap age thing can happen but am implying, IT IS RARE.
OK now let go with the IF. If let say, you give him of 5 years knowing him and he still feel the same way about you 5 years later and you still too, then go for it. IT MIGHT WORK OUT and again IT MIGHT NOT. That is a big chance you have to take. He might left you for another women once you start to age (not to be rude, am just honest) BUT that is just the Pain you have to live through since you CHOOSE HIM.
IF YOU and him are willing to go through all the consequences and risk then take that chance. YOU MUST HAVE THIS IN MIND, IF YOU CHOOSE HIM, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE YOU JUST GOT TO EXCEPT IT AND LIVE WITH IT. IT IS THE CHOICE THAT YOU MAKE AND YOU GOT TO WILLING TO TAKE THE SUFFER. OK, this is imply the kid will be over 18 and you and him have to have at least quiet a couple years to get to know each other.
Thank you for not judging me. I appreciate your honesty and just a quick update. I have said almost exactly what you just stated to him. Of course he swears he's going to marry me someday, but I've told him that I'm 99.9% sure that day will never come. He may honestly believe this at thie very moment. But yes...being 42...I know what happens between 17 and say 25. In fact I bet him that by his 18th bday he may in fact already be in love and have a gf. There is nothing going on between us anymore and he has handled it maturely. He doesn't call me or come over constantly although he did cry initially. I'm not going to comment on the rest of the the posts here at this point they are moot points. Some called it unhealthy...and so be it. Everyone is in fact entitled to their opinions
