Gelisgesti wrote:Cav Cav Cav quick pull my finger
I'm too busy laughing while pulling my own finger, but thanks for the invitation.
A Honda salesman, a very good salesman, in fact the best Honda Salesman in the United States. He sold 4 or 5 Honda's a day. He could sell anyone. He did so well selling Honda's that he received every salesman award.
One day he was selling the finer points of the car and bends over to show the detail in the tire. As he bends over he lets out the loudest fart, and it sounds just like HONDA, the woman so upset walks out of the show room. The first time he ever had anyone walk out with out buying a Honda.
The problem with his gas continues, the farts are so loud that they can be heard everywhere in the show room and 10 to 20 times an hour.
The owner of the dealership tells him he will have to find out why this is happening, and that he needs to stay away from the dealership till the problem is fixed.
He goes to see a Dr. and all the test are done and the Dr. can't figure it out. He is sent to Hopkins and the fine Staff there can't figure it out either, he visits all the leading Medical Centers in the United States and no one can figure it out.
As a last resort he goes to Japan to see a Dr. there.
In the exam room the Dr. says, "Open your mouth"
Aha, here is the problem, I knew that was the cause.
You have an abscessed tooth.
Gee Dr. how can that cause the problem?
Everyone in Japan knows Abscess makes the Fart go HONDA
An oldie but a goodie, Justthefax, like a really creamy fart that lingers. Ahh...there it goes....too many chickpeas last night...
A woman goes into a car dealership. She wanders around and finally walks up to a model she likes. As she bends over to look at the interior, a small fart escapes. She quickly stands up and turns to see if anyone noticed.
To her horror there is a salesman standing right behind her! To cover her embarassment, she asks the salesman the price of the car.
"Lady", he says, "if just looking at the car makes you fart, then the price will make you **** yourself!"
Who knew we could have so much fun with farts.
Last night I farted and it was so awful the dog got offended......
Whoa!!! That one sounded angry!
I use them as a tool. Keeps people away from my office. Less work that way.
An unexperienced guy went to a house of fun and asked the woman what he could get for $20.00
She said, for 20 you can have 69,
69 what is that,
She said, I will show you.
She had him lie down and then took her position.
She put his head in the right spot and a second latter passed a fart.
He pulled his head back, and she pushed it back in place,
She passed another fart.
He pulled his head back again, and she pushed it back in place,
He said, don't think I can take 67 more of that.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after awhile she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after awhile she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
I've been away from this thread too long...I needed a good laugh today. What a bunk day...
maybe I need to fart....
I just ripped myself a new a--hole and now I have two-tone farts. I sound like a Cadillac.
Thank Goodness no one is home here.
I'm usually a loud farter, but no smell.
Well, every once in a blue moon, I become the silent and deadly.
Ohh man.
And here I sit continuing to eat my 1/2lb potato&bean burrito.
I'm not sure, Cav. I think Slappy is the definitive expert on that.
I farted twenty minutes ago and my pants have been feeling wet ever since, and the smell is lingering....does this mean anything?
