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Mon 23 May, 2016 01:45 pm
Male 20yerars old. I don't know what my sexuality is. From a young age I've noticed girls, I've only ever felt attracted to girls and have only ever had relationships with girls, whenever I've been told a girl likes me or I like a girl, I get butterflies and when I'm with them I get butterflies too and I've only ever had sex with girls and even in this time of questioning, I always get hard when me and my current girlfriend are intimate. Whenever we are intimate I have a burning desire to touch her and just do things with her. I never noticed guys (sexually) at all, one day however, when I was younger I had a same sex experience with a friend, it wasn't something I desired to do, I just did it. I'll admit we did this several times and I always felt like "meh, this is okay but I wish a girl was here" but I never thought for one second I was gay or bi, I'd never even seen actual gay sex at this point till some years after when I got curious one night and watched a gay porn video, I remember thinking "eh, it's just sex but I'd never do that" (actual sex, me and my friend just did oral sex and stuff) I have no desire to be with a man, I never look at a guy and think "I want him". when I saw the two guys in the video do what we did, it had more of a reaction to me. I should say at this point, I've watched all kinds of porn; straight, lesbian, gay, transsexual. I should also say that several times in the past I would turn off a porn video just because there was a man in it. I've also had same sex fantasies but the mans face is never visible, it's more of a penis thing, that's the only thing that is in the fantasy, I've had fantasies of being with people of the opposite sex too and also transsexuals. To be honest, my questioning has purely come around because I've watched many gay porn videos, it's something I'd put on if I were bored of the regular porn I.e lesbian and straight, the same can be said for me watching transsexual porn, but in transsexual porn I don't like watching transexuals have sex with a man. But like I said, after my same sex experimentation, I never questioned myself but I have since I've seen gay porn. Am I bisexual? Bi curious? Bored of porn and seeking more excitement and go to watch something that's considered taboo? Or high sex drive? Or even HOCD? I googled what that is and a lot of how I feel fits into that, such as testing yourself watching straight porn and gay porn to see if I get aroused and I sometimes get aroused by both, sometimes I don't. I do suffer from OCD to a extent but it's not as bad as some peoples OCD. I just don't know what I am.
@Welshy1995,
I don't think you need to label yourself.
Have fun in life. Be kind to people. Protect yourself from diseases and from causing any unwanted pregnancies. Don't use people's feelings like piñatas. Other than that, though, you're young and while you said you have a girlfriend (and I would hope you would be loyal to her), if that ends then, like I said, enjoy yourself with the above caveats.
@jespah,
I would never cheat on her, I love her. I can't imagine my life without her
@jespah,
This is something i alluded to but does the fact that I've watched gay porn make me gay? Like I said in my post I've not felt any attraction to men but gay porn sometimes gets me aroused. Am I just bored of regular porn because I've watched it a lot and I mean a lot. Am I looking for more excitement?
@Welshy1995,
Listen to Auntie Jes. Same sex attractions are not uncommon and do not define your sexuality.
I know this may be difficult, but try not to ruminate over it.
@neologist,
I want to say this, I don't have any same sex attractions, it's just based on the fact that gay porn has aroused me. I deeply regret what I did with my friend, I hardly ever think about it and never think about it during masturbation. Also, sometimes when I fantasise about same sex stuff, it's often the porn I've watched.
@Welshy1995,
I would say you've had a curiosity or two and you've done nothing wrong. Have you told your gf you had this experience? No right or wrong, just curious. Other than that I think you're a normal guy! Take it easy! 🙂