I'm not sure what I am...

note: I'm new to forums so forgive me if my formatting is a bit clunky.

I'm 37 and I've always identified as a straight man. I love the female body, I love sex with women and I have experimented in the past with other men totally open to the idea that , if it was for me, I would be totally down to be bi or even gay if it felt right. It became clear very quickly that I had no attraction to men. However, every close friend I've ever had has been female or LBGTQ+ and I've never been "one of the guys" in my life. I've experimented heavily in CD and kinky play in the past but I never really found a home as it were. Recently I stopped being turned on by women entirely to the point that self love was basically impossible (i've been alone for a long time), and then I saw a beautiful MTF trans girl and it lit a fire inside me. Then I started looking at trans porn and I was brought back to life. Self love, no longer a problem. I don't know any trans people I can be candid with and the whole thing is very confusing. The one person I spoke to said it was fetishism or a kink thing but everything I've read online has different contradictory messages and I'm super messed up about it. And sidebar: I don't just think that a woman with cute female features, a great body and a penis is all there is. You fall in love with a personality not an aesthetic, it's more than that. Not gay, not straight, possibly bi?

If anyone could give me some insight I would really appreciate it. Thanks x