So how are YOU today?

Good luck, guys.

To add to the general gloom and doom, just got note that I *didn't* get a job I interviewed for 2.5 weeks ago (yeh, timely) and that I was passionately hoping to get. Dammit dammit dammit.

What the hell is wrong with them? Dolts!

Hello Nimh,

Oh, I'm sure too. It'll be my third time there, and there will be lots more I think..

How are you?

I love this temperature we have in Budapest these days.. it's co warm, but not hot..I hope it's the same in Paris.

Sorry about that, soz. I know how that feels. (Incidentally, can you ask for the reasons you weren't successful in the US & get a useful response?)

Sorry 'bout the job, Soz. This is my favorite time of year to enjoy myself. Maybe late October is a better time to take on a job that will absorb your time. Something else will come along.

I was pretty much told in the letter, and they're both acceptable reasons. One was that they gave first preference to promotion from within (I was from without), and two, and more significantly, they wanted someone who could be more "committed" to the program than I was willing to be. (That's not quite how it was phrased, "committed" was used in a way that made the rest clear.) From my current perspective I REALLY wanted the job offer, to accept or turn down, but there were some things about the job itself that made me wary. In the interview, I was interviewing them, too, asking about exactly how many hours per week would be required, etc.

So, I made it clear that while I would do my job well in the time alotted, I had boundaries, and wouldn't be interested if there were too many requirements outside of that time. (While I was talking to the main person about it, the time required kept going up -- just 5 hours a week in the office, then about as much at home. Well, actually more like 10 in the office/as much at home. Well, and that's not counting staff meetings...)

There is definitely an element of relief. And I'm still doing my little freelance projects, which are annoying me a bit (they're all short-term, so I have to keep rustling up new ones which is a job itself), but better than nothing.

Plus at the very least I got to wave a few superlative letters of recommendation in the face of a panel of influential Columbus deaf people, and get to know them. I sent a thank-you saying something about how I look forward to working with them at some point in the future, whether in this position or another, and the letter I got continued that theme; last line was "Again, I am very much hoping we will get a chance to work together in the future and to share our mutual interests." So that's something, itself.

Have fun in Paris, shadowboxer! (Like it can be avoided... I wanna go back!)

Soz- What schmucks. It's their loss!

Hee hee! All of your comments do help a lot, thanks. :-D

Careful, Soz! You sound like me in my 20s. I was so damned competitive at job interviews, I wound up with several jobs I despised. Just because I wanted to "win" the interview.

I know what you mean. I think this went a little in the other direction, though -- I think it was clear in the interview that I would take the job only if certain conditions were met, and I think they wanted someone a little less conditional.

Anyway, my angst has faded already (I was definitely upset when I first got the "no"), and there's plenty else to worry about in the world. Onward.

Yes, onward!

Very pleased with myself, today.
I got up early and arranged for a big load of horse manure & mushroom compost to be delivered for my very needy front garden. So, at around 11 this morning there was this pile of the stuff on the footpath, outside my yard. A couple of hours of hard yakka & many conversations with neighbours & passers-by later, the lot was transferred to my garden. THEN I mowed the lawns, front & back (they're not so big), did a bit of weeding, planted a small tree in spot that needed "something", then sat back & admired my work! That felt good! And I finished the lot just as the rain started! Ah, early spring!

Today, I am free. Feels pretty f*cking good too, I might add...

Well done! Congratulations, kicky. (And go easy on any spending, for any reason, till the next income, OK?) Enjoy your freedom!

Feeling very sad today. Can't seem to recover from the loss of my sons father :-(

So how am I today?

Scared and stressed.
In 27 days I will have no insurance on my car. Cant afford it.
May even have to sell it. It was either that or Jillians health insurance. We dont have the money. I tried to apply for state assistance for Beans insurance and you know what? We make 58.00 OVER the income limit for a 3 family household.. 58 god damn dollars. We are not able to qualify for any assistance.
What pride I had i lost walking into that office, then I was told we make too much. Fifty eight dollars. That is a tank of gas.
After all bills are paid, for 3 people we have 400 for groceries, gas, and baby formula for a MONTH.
Now that Jillian has health insurance, we have no car insurance. SO if something were to happen in the car, we would loose it and have no coverage for our health, car damage.. nothing.
We dont have money for a baby sitter . Second jobs? Sure we can do that. MIL is too drunk now a days to baby sit. And we cant afford to pay anyone. She wont sober up enough to help.
We are sinking in a place that we are supposed to be helping. The money we had saved for a home is gone. We picked at it over time to keep ourselves in basic needs. Not a smart thing, but baby food/diapers/tires etc.. those are expencive.
my burcitus has come back. I can hardly make it up and down the stairs.

I am watching these people in NO die, drown, and fight for life and I feel i can do nothing.I have volunteered for the Burger Center refugee replacement.. If anything, I can help hold babies, give them bathes, hug these people, clean the bathrooms.. something. I have donated almost all of my extra clothing, beans extra clothing and old toys but still feel like I should be able to find something else to give.
Tacky thing to say.. but in watching these people, I dont feel so grim about my situation.
I have a home
I have food
I have my daughter
I have my husband
I have a car
I have a shower
I have a clean bathroom
I am warm, dry, and fed
I have nothing to complain about.

{{{{{Montana}}}}}}

Give yourself some time, Montana. You've held in many feelings for many years. They need to work their way out.

{{{{{Shewolf}}}}}}

And you have people who care. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself with the thought, "I have nothing to complain about." What you're doing is not complaining, you're concerned, worried, getting frantic about meeting the basic needs of your family in the near future. Those thoughts are not synonyms for complaining.

no. you are right. I am not complaining.
I hope it doesnt sound like that.
It feels that way most of the time.
It just seems like a never ending cycle.
Get paid, pay bills, skip bills because there isnt enough pay, get paid, pay bills you skipped last time, on and on.
we are lucky though.MIL only asks for 400 a month to stay here. We couldnt make it with out her. We have no credit card bils or any other unnecessary bills. Just rent, car payment, insurance bills .. but wow.. they are alot!
Just to insure bean , it is almost 200 a month.
You would think kids would be the cheapest to insure . No health problems! Mr wolfs insurane bill is almost that same amount. >sigh<
fret fret fret fret..
I need to crunch some more numbers for a while.

Aw, sorry things financial are so difficult, shewolf. Having been there a few times myself, I can relate to how you feel. Yes, there are many reasons to count your blessings, but I sincerely hope the pressure eases a bit for your family soon. Of all the things to have to worry about constantly: bloody money!!!!!!!

i hate money.
I hate it all.. > wicked laugh<
but there will be an ease sometime in the future..
Its just not here yet ;-)