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Wed 28 Jul, 2004 06:39 pm
I've noticed quite a few threads lately dealing with semen and thought it might be a good idea to put all the semen stories in one place.
Onyxelle was frightened today at work by some semen. Kickycan has a thread going about the porno industry and copious amounts of semen have entered the conversational flow. There are other semen threads out there too -- I believe Occom Bill has one going. So let's put all the semen stories in this one thread, so when people find the interest to read about semen they don't have to do an exhaustive search.
I'll start with a true semen story ....
Years ago I worked at an auto auction for a short time and one of the fellows that worked on the lot was this very dangerous looking biker. He had enormous tattooed covered arms, a permanent scowl etched on his face, and an extremely short temper.
One day I was talking to him and he mentioned this porno movie he had watched.
Trying to distract him from going into any more graphic details about the movie, I told him a story about some high school kids who used to go into porno theaters and sit in the balcony or back row. They would smuggle in a jar of mayonnaise and some spoons and during the movie flick pasty goblets of the stuff randomly around the theater.
Screams would fill the air as patrons were bombarded by this warm, white substance.
The biker started laughing his ass off and told me he was going to try that. He walked away chuckling.
The following week I again encountered him in the parking lot and he said, "Dude! I did that thing with the mayonnaise, dude It was funny as hell. I smuggled in one of those huge friggin' jars of mayonaisse and sat in the back row. I waited until the theater got pretty quiet and then threw the friggin' jar at these two guys in the front row. It was hilarious, dude! The jar shattered right behind these friggin' guys and they must have jumped a foot. I never laughed so hard, dude!"
I stared at him for several seconds, not believing what I had just heard.
"Listen, Eric", I said. "It might have been a good idea not to throw the jar, but rather fling the contents about in small, well-aimed quantities."
He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Dude, try it my way. It's really friggin' funny, dude."
True story.
Now.... let's hear some more semen stories.
gus, this is bizzare, even for you
Well, I quit eating at a Santa Fe Taco Bell for a while because there was a persistant rumor about a guy who gizzed in a burrito.
a speaking bizzare, here's something to think about the next time you have a dental appointment.
Dentist Allegedly Injected Semen Into Patients' Mouths
full story
here
only thing that comes to mind is this
famous cinematic seminal moment...
pueo - 'injected' eh?
RP - That was the first thing I thought of too.
Okay, I have to come clean. er. ah. I want to reveal something about myself that I have never revealed to anyone before... when I was twenty-one it was a very good year and I was diagnosed with a rare disorder - coitus quarttatois-- which simply means that I could, and did, cum in quarts. Not really quarts, more like 12 to 14 ounces at time, but the doctors called it quarts.
I, of course, didn't know that I was different from most men, I thought everybody came in gigantic volumes that left everything and everyone covered in creamy delight. It was only after being pointed at at several of the acid-induced orgies that I was participating in at the time (it was the sixties) that I came to believe that I was some how different, that and MaryLou Genenger screaming "Holy Hot Stuff!! Look at all this cumarama!!" that I decided to check in with one of the military doctors at the base.
She didn't believe me, the doctor didn't. She said I was making it up to get out of the service. She made me stand up and and while she pulled open her blouse to give me inspiration, she ordered me to fulfill myself.
O, I did.
And I quite covered most of the good doctor's best dress blues.
And her shoes too.
Without saying a word to me she called in two more of the staff nurses and told them what had happened. They were both in disbelief so to back up the doctor's story, I did it again. This time the three of them seemed more convinced. They made me an appointment for the following Friday.
For the rest of that week, while I was supposed to be resting, I was restless. I wandered through the local dives and bistros telling my story to any passing charmer and offered to show proof to any doubters. I was really seeking some sense of normalcy for myself, but each time I completed my appointed rounds there was shock and awe and a great need for a lot of Kleenex. A lot of Kleenex. A lot.
One women made me cover her entire, well, you probably don't want to hear all about everything.
What remained was for me to return to the military hospital and submit an additional sample or two for the doctors. When I arrived they were ready for me and hooked me up to a stimulating machine with several alligator clips attached to the sensitive parts of my body. When the power was turned on I was turned on and in a display that went on for several minutes I showered those second lieutenants with more than a gallon of the deep cream yogurt extravaganza.
That was the last time I ever did that.
Now I am normal, thank God, they cured me. Now it takes me twenty to thirty minutes of hard love making before I make, then it is sometimes as much as ten minutes before I can do it again and again and again. All the amounts are normal too, only about an orange juice glassful unless I am either really rested or really excited.
So, now you know.
I feel better.
Joe
From pueo's article...
Quote:Former employees of a dentist claim the man made female patients unwittingly swallow his semen during visits to his office in Cornelius.
Dr. John Hall is accused by the state dental board of violating dentistry's standard of care
Imagine that. Who would have thought injecting semen into patients' mouths would be deemed unacceptable.
I waited for a couple minutes before submitting my last post because I felt confident littlek was going to insert her customary "Ack" after Joe's post.
She must be napping.
Okay, I'll say it for her.
ACK!!!
Well, thank you Gus! I have been thinking to myself for quite some time that something has been lacking on this forum. it took a man of your courage and greatness to realize just what that is; a semen thread. I applaud your creativity and am greatly relieved that I can stop worrying that something was missing. I haven't read the posts, yet, for I thought I should first give credit where credit is due, but now I am going to read it and get my fill of semen.
hah!
Thanks, Eva. I knew you'd come through.
Say, how about a semen story?
And thank you, suzy, for participating in the semen thread. I am quite confident you will be a valuable contributor.
<<nodding>>
suzy does seem highly receptive...
haha! Joe, are you serious? My god! Oddly, I believe the first part of your story more readily than the last, though!
You're a hoot!
Gus, I can't contribute much, or often, because I have a filthy, filthy mind, and haven't "gotten any" in a long long time, so I hate to dwell on it.
I had a poem I posted in another thread. While it wasn't appropriate there, it fits right in.
"My Semen Are Your Tears."
Girl, you are so wicked hot,
I want to bang the snot,
Out of you so hard,
It comes out your eyes and ears,
So it appears,
My semen, are your tears.
Slappy has been pacing the floors for weeks, brow furrowed, angst-filled.
"Where to post my semen poem" he muttered over and over.
Glad to help you out, Slap.
I have to say that that's quite a masterpiece, Slappy.
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