"Bisexual men and femininity"

Reply Sun 23 Aug, 2015 10:32 am

"Here’s the trouble: While femininity can be dangerous for gay men, it is somewhat expected of them—a form of behavior or mode of self-presentation they are “allowed.” For bi guys like me, even a little femininity threatens to erase our entire identity.

Just being bi is already hard enough. Both the straight and LGBTQ community regularly speculate on the veracity of my sexuality. I am told I don’t exist or that I’m going through a phase. Or I just get placed in the gay or straight box against my will. Dating can be especially difficult. I once had a gay guy tell me, during a night out, that I had “vagina cooties”—there wasn’t a second date. This sort of creepy scrutiny is one of the most annoying parts of being bi. But the invalidation of our sexualities only grows when bisexual individuals don’t express their gender identities in conventional ways.

There are spaces for gay men, lesbian women, bisexual women, and trans women to express femininity. There are few, if any, arenas in which bisexual men, queer in our own right, have the space to express femininity without fear of our sexuality being nullified. There is a deeply ingrained misconception that a man can’t be romantically involved with another man and still be interested in women as well. That is because masculinity, or at least the most basic stereotype of it, is meant to be dominant and to attract femininity. Femininity, on the other hand, is weak and attracts masculinity. Male bisexuality, even when it is embodied in a traditionally masculine person, already blurs the lines between those outdated and severely limiting misconceptions. Add femme behavior, and you’ve really got a problem."

lots more, awesome article.
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