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A girl I really like uses the "I want to be friends excuse" but likes someone else :(

 
 
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 09:58 am
I'm just crushed to found out that a girl I liked for a month now and went out on a date with her and found out she's using the I want to be friends excuse so she can date another guy. Why the heck did she do this to me? I feel so used because she was bored and was looking for a guy looking like Tom Cruise. I'm a nerd by the way. Before all this she was really depressed about her past breakups. I was trying to cheer her up and this is what she does to me?
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 10:07 am
@singlesucks13,
Did you enjoy the date?

________


It was one date. She doesn't owe you a relationship or an explanation or anything. One date is not a big deal. To anyone, anywhere.
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 10:14 am
@ehBeth,
I really had fun hanging out with her. I was kinda depressed because she said we can have dates in the near future and I was kinda getting excited that me and her might be in a relationship. A week later she said she wants to hang out but as friends only, nothing romantic Sad
Krumple
 
  0  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 10:14 am
@singlesucks13,
singlesucks13 wrote:

I'm just crushed to found out that a girl I liked for a month now and went out on a date with her and found out she's using the I want to be friends excuse so she can date another guy. Why the heck did she do this to me? I feel so used because she was bored and was looking for a guy looking like Tom Cruise. I'm a nerd by the way. Before all this she was really depressed about her past breakups. I was trying to cheer her up and this is what she does to me?


You behaved in the way that put you into the friend zone. When a girl tells you that she just wants to be your friend, it means you haven't triggered her romantic interest. You are not exhibiting the traits that she is looking for in a guy. Obviously you must have displayed a few initial traits because she went on a date with you, but you failed to continue displaying the right traits so she friend zoned you.

A woman doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with a friend. They don't want another friend. They are looking for a guy that sparks their romantic interest. To do that you must display yourself to her as the kind of male she is looking for.

It is counter intuitive.

Most women want a man who is comfortable being himself. Doing what he wants because he is in control of every situation. A leader of people and what other's think of him are unimportant. A guy who isn't afraid to make decisions and carry them out.

Now, I would not be surprised if people attack what I just said. People don't want to accept that we behave like this because it is built into us from thousands of years of evolution. There are biological and social reasons why women want an alpha male. The reason is found in the past. Strong men who were leaders improved the chances that the women in the tribe would be safe and their needs would be fulfilled. Straight Women are biologically influenced to seek out males that are leaders.

When you behave in a way that is less than that, then you are essentially telling her that you are just another tribe follower who has no influence or ability to protect her from danger. She won't be attracted to that but she won't kick you out of the tribe, she will just make you one of her basket weaving friends.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 01:41 pm
@singlesucks13,
Did she say she planned to date you? or did she talk about hanging out with you again?

Anyway - one date with someone you haven't known that long isn't a basis to consider a relationship. Relationships are more than dating and take time to develop.

I think it's good that she was honest with you and told you that she wanted to be friends. Better than letting you hang on thinking there might be something romantic in the future.

______

Personally I think friendship is important and a good thing. Most humans have more friends than they have romantic partners - and friendships tend to last longer than many romantic relationships.

Even my dad - who had been married to my mother for 54 years when she died - has friendships longer than that primary romantic partnership.
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 03:39 pm
@ehBeth,
She said she just wanted to hang out with me again, i dont think she used the word date.
Krumple
 
  0  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 04:55 pm
@singlesucks13,
singlesucks13 wrote:

She said she just wanted to hang out with me again, i dont think she used the word date.


More than likely if she told you she just wanted to be friends, she wouldn't use the word date.
0 Replies
 
Vernon of Prague
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 04:56 pm
@singlesucks13,
Quote:
I'm just crushed to found out that a girl I liked for a month now and went out on a date with her and found out she's using the I want to be friends excuse so she can date another guy. Why the heck did she do this to me? I feel so used because she was bored and was looking for a guy looking like Tom Cruise. I'm a nerd by the way. Before all this she was really depressed about her past breakups. I was trying to cheer her up and this is what she does to me?


How old is she? Young girls are often self centred, careless or even ignorant to feeling of others. Particularly young boys, because they don't know struggle young males need to overcome if they are not "popular" and "handsome".

To me, this resembles pretty nasty deed. She should be honest to you. It's perfecly normal if somebody is not attracted to someone, but maybe pretending she is or pulling your nose so she can get closer to your friend is just a **** you don't have to deal with.

IF my assumption is true, I would say you have pretty bad taste in women. You like somebody who does that? Really?

My advice: Talk to her. If what you say is true, screw her. She is not worth your time. But maybe something else is in the case? If you don't know, find out. And respect yourself. If she's bad as you say, find somebody who deserves you. Never let anyone treat you like this. You can do much better.

Being "nerd" is no way insult. If you are IT, soon they will come to you. Because IT guys have GREAT future, every single one of you. Market needs you and so they will come to those who are in demand.
gustavratzenhofer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 04:58 pm
@singlesucks13,
What is the approximate net worth of this woman?
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 05:08 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
She is 19 years old
0 Replies
 
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 05:08 pm
@gustavratzenhofer,
the same as a average every day person.
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 05:17 pm
@singlesucks13,
Ahh . . . . she's broke?
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 05:24 pm
@gustavratzenhofer,
No, she is working every day jobs like in a grocery store.
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 05:27 pm
@singlesucks13,
Oh. Would you mind if I asked which grocery story? Cub? Rainbow? Super Valu? Those are the ones in my neighborhood and I thought if she worked in one of those I might know her and say hello the next time I purchase a few items.
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 06:07 pm
@gustavratzenhofer,
The store is in Massachusetts.
Vernon of Prague
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Jun, 2015 06:41 pm
@singlesucks13,
what do you do? And how old are you? If I may ask?
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jun, 2015 07:21 am
@Vernon of Prague,
I'm 20, and work at a gas station which doesnt pay much.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jun, 2015 10:24 am
@singlesucks13,
singlesucks13 wrote:
she's using the I want to be friends excuse


would you rather not have her as a friend?

if that's the case, end any contact with her
singlesucks13
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jun, 2015 11:28 am
@ehBeth,
I dont really know because I still like talking to her.
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Sun 28 Jun, 2015 12:15 pm
@singlesucks13,
It's hard to see what your problem is. Do you feel you've been manipulated in some way? It doesn't appear to be that way.

When did I just want to be your friend become I'm not interested in having sex/a relationship with anyone?

What's wrong with having friends of the opposite sex anyway? One of my closest friends is a lady that I was completely out of sync with relationship wise. When I was single she was in a relationship and vice versa. Now I'm really glad nothing happened because it would have ruined our friendship.
 

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