Married and having an affair with Married Man

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Wondering if anyone is in the same boat as me. Kind of looking for someone to talk to considering I cannot talk to anyone close to me about my affair!

About a year ago I found myself really unhappy in my marriage. My husband seemed to have no interest in me sexually or even emotionally. I had several failed attempts to work on this and fix things with him. Our marriage is/was not a marriage...we were more like roommates, if that makes sense.
I have a friend whom I have been friends with for several years. He also had the same issues with his wife and one day we somehow started discussing it. We had always been good friends and after this conversation with each other, things started to get a little different and we ended up kissing. Kissing lead to texting and eventually lead to sex. We told each other at that time that it was only going to be sex. We continued this way for a few months but feelings began to grow for each other and they were mutual.
Now here we are a year later and we are so much in love with each other. We talk daily, see each other as often as we can, and continue to fall harder for each other. We are both so confused on where we go from here. He is married with children and I am so concerned about hurting the kids and breaking up a family. He is unhappy with his marriage but I know he love his kids dearly and would never want to hurt them. Another issue is I do know his wife and see her quite often...she has no idea.
I know that cheating is never a good idea, and I can't believe I ended up doing it, much less falling in love with someone whom I thought was just going to be casual sex. Where do I go from here? Have any of you ever been in this situation and if so what happened?
We both want to be together...do we take a chance and try it (although we would be hurting so many others?) or do we continue in unhappy marriages that have been through counceling and countless discussions of trying to fix things with no results? Part of me tells me that if we don't take a chance, we will one day regret not being together.

Any advice would be sooo appreciated! I am also not looking for anyone to tell me about how bad of a person I am, etc. I know that what I am doing is so wrong. But I know I am not the only one in this situation.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,611 • Replies: 11

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Why are YOU staying in your marriage?

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@Lvilleqt123,

I would love someone to talk to also.

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@Lvilleqt123,

Hi Lvilleqt
I am also in an unhappy marriage. This sent me to an online chatting site, where I met a man also in the same situation (both in our 40's with older children). We emailed daily, spoke on the phone, and skype and fell in love. We lived on opposite sides of the globe, but managed to meet up after a year. We got along fantastically, and our relationship lasted another 5 months. After a few misunderstandings, he said he was taking a 6 week break from writing to me, as he had some issues with work and his wife. I never heard from him again, so after 2 months I emailed him, to see how he was and if he had sorted things out. He admitted he was avoiding me, as he didn't know what to say to me. His wife was pregnant, and although he was shocked at first, he was now excited about it and didn't want to write to me anymore. He said he would always love me, but some thins are not meant to be. I thoroughly understand where he is coming from, but what hurts so much is that I traveled across the world for him, we shared so much for nearly two years, and I seriously don't think he ever intended to tell me, if I didn't email him. I am trying to believe that what we had was real, but how can someone say they love you and just cut you off like you were never a part of their lives. We were always never going to be together in the normal way, we are both culturally and religiously different, but I thought we had something special and long lasting. Now I think I was played. It is now three weeks since the email, and I am trying to forget, but I can't. I really need help to get over him. I have a full life, work, study, but the minute I'm alone, the tears come.

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@Lvilleqt123,

I say, go for it. I've been seeing my old flame. Twenty some years later and I love him as much or more than before! We've both been married in between and thought of each other all that time. He's still married and working on leaving his marriage!

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@Lvilleqt123,

Regardless of what the other man does, you need to think about why you're staying in a marriage that isn't working out.

Get your own life sorted out.

If you and the other man are both free at the same time and still want to try things then, you'll find out if it's meant to be.

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@Lvilleqt123,

I am in a similar situation, msg me if you'd like to chat. I too have no one to talk to without fear of being judged.

1 Reply

@Lvilleqt123,

yep - similar situation here. Except I will not walk away from my marriage. It's hard not to feel too much when the other person makes you feel so good. married, in love with another, yet feeling alone = Confused

1 Reply

@RedDog84,

Would love to chat and not be judged!! I am not sure how to send a private message on here? My first time on this site.

1 Reply

@saynicethings,

I totally agree!!

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@Lvilleqt123,

It is very refreshing to see how many people in this thread are in the same boat and no one yet jumped to tear you apart.
When I told my story only dead one hadn't spit on me:)
I was torn apart and called every name in a book.
But I found a few people who were just like me and we pmed each other and this is how we kept it private from this forum.
You click on the name of a person you want to talk to and on the right side there is an option to send message.
You can pm me as well, as I think I am a veteran in this LOL
Good Luck and love to everyone. Hugs

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@PUNKEY,

She said it. For kids sake. Also hurting people who aren't having part in the affair is keeping us 'lowly cheaters' from walking away.

Another one is that young people who aren't married are dating for years and breaking up. Here we are adults with screw that got lost and who knows if after just one year we going to be still together and will not go separate ways.
It takes a long time to make sure that breaking up with families is going to be justified on a long run. It is not 'I don't love you anymore, I am leaving' commitment. It is heartbreaking and difficult situation. And we are staying married because we do not hate our spouses and trying to saved them from unnessesary heartaches.

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Married and having an affair with Married Man

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