Why do men look at their girl's facial expressions during sex?

That is the problem, I don't know if he really want to married me, or he just wear the ring to make me feel secure?
As he knows about my belittle, emotionally abuse childhood. He knows I don't feel condident enough of myself, and I think so little of myself.

I didn't think he was serious about the matching rings, until I see this type of rings he bought:



He wearing this ring on his own left hand finger , everybody will misunderstand that he married.

He did say that he poor, and right now he doesn’t have enough money for a house, or a big wedding, or a nice ring for me.
So if I don’t mind all that, he said we go tomorrow morning to register for marriage liscense.
I don't know should I test him and see IF he really going take me to register for marriage.

You've already talked about this on your other thread and not responded to people's comments and questions.

As far as relaxing your own tension about sex -

This may be against whatever people told you is not moral or is sinful, but countless women and girls have learned about their bodies by having sex with themselves, also known as masturbation, probably learning gradually. This is popular with men as well, for themselves.

When you are reading about things like self esteem - which sounds like a good idea - you can read books like The Joy of Sex, which a lot learned from a while ago and is out in a relatively new edition. (Not me, I thought I knew it all already, though I read a few pages of a friend's book and nodded.) I've not read up on masturbation so I've no links to recommend but maybe others here can recommend some good links. Children do it. It's natural.



edit - I'm not clear on your abuse - was some of that sexual? you don't have to answer, I'm just explaining that I've taken it as not.

You're not a virgin anymore, and you should be able to relax a bit. Maybe a little booze / weed can help?

Do try and blindfold him. Or vice versa... :-) The kinky stuff can work when other things don't. I know someone who comes easier when her mouth is covered by the hand of her partner, as if she was being raped...

In the end, it's about becoming comfortable with stuff that you used to find a bit gross as a youth. You need to find what ticks you on, what gets you wet... Do you desire you partner? What would you like to do to him or him to do to you? Do you dream about sex? These sorts of things... Not asking for a response here, just saying that you have a 'bitch' in you, with whom you may need to connect more.

I have this awful feeling that everyone is being dragged along one hell of a conveyer belt here.

In my opinion, and just tell me to eff off if you wish, I think people here are feeding a 280lb plumber from (pick blue collar area of any of your cities).

It's just going on too long, and quickly expanding into other territories before our eyes.

Done well, I'll give him that.

Off to bed now. Goodnight.


Signed
Cynical of Merry Olde.

NO NO, no weed for us. None of us smoke weed despite we live in the ghetto, lol
We live in the ghetto because the rent is cheap, and we can save up the money faster to pay for a house.
The rent here is like half cheaper than outside rent, so it really does help save up every month. We will get out of here, hopefully soon.

Well I am a girl in his own hood, so he dating a girl in his own neighborhood. His apartment is just few minutes walking away from me.
I find it very AWKWARD that I am dating a guy in such a close distant, I find it to be some kind of “TABOO” or “SIN” or something. Don’t you think so too?

You right, I need to give in to him fully on the "emotional attachment" as I am still 'aloof' in my emotions. I am trying to open up to him emotionally slowly day by day, it just my childhood is not letting me gave in so easily.
Thank you for your advice Olivier5

----------------
Lordyaswas, I don't know what you talking about.
But if anyone here read my other thread before. I was mentally/emotionally abuse, and got physically beaten one time by my mother, which I end up in 'foster home" for couple years.
So this is trauma from my childhood here. It is normal for me to can't find myself open fully to this man, my emotionals walls are still up inside me. Anyways, I need to work on shut it down.

Yeah, but there has been - if no way a rule or even usual - attempts on a2k to answer as if a poster was real here, because someone might be reading who has a similar problem that is real.

People grow up in different situations, but you know that.
People grow up trying to be screenwriters, and some of us know that.

I've known several smart plumbers, one who is a good writer, so your hypothesis is possible that one might work up a scenario like this (but are you kidding).

Try booze then. Great disinhibitor....

This is not my first thread here, I have created threads to asked regarding to childhood past with my abusive mother.
If you read that thread, then this thread will make more sense, lol

I don't know where you live, but I live here in Los Angeles county, California, USA
To be more exact, I live in a city called Compton. Compton is city in southern of Los Angeles county, it little worse due to more poor ghetto area here, and gangs.
You welcome here to tour around my neighborhood if you ever come here, then you know if yourself, LOL!

That is really stupid. I had some sympathy before, but I am beginning to think you are just a "sympathy troll" and possibly you have invented the whole thing.

There's one easy solution to all of this.

Use a different sex position.

Yes, I realize it is stupid to "test" someone, but I really don't have any confident in myself, like I have no self-worth. I do not know why I feel this way, but I just feel this way.
I always think I am not good enough for anyone, and I feel that my childhood past is a 'BURDEN' to those who love me.

You can think I am troll if you want, but this is not the first thread I post in here about my abusive past with my mother.
All my post have the same tone, I am fighting with my internal conflicts about my abusive past.
And in order for me to be a "troll", I must cause or start fighting/argument between posters, who did I provoke? My post are just talking about my situation only.

I didn't invented anything, there are 7 billions people in the world with all different circumstances in life.
You obviously believe threads like: A Christian married woman who cheated on her husband, she cheated with an Online man she meet. LOL!

And why do I need to look for sympathy? Did I ever say I am ashamed to live in the ghetto? I don't cheat, I don't steal, I live on my own worknig money, I have nothing to be ashamed of, lol

And thank you Olivier5, I don't do booze neither. There a lot of girls who smoke "weeds" here, but I don't smoke with it them.
When we go out together in groups, I do buy and pay for their 'drinks", I just don't drink acohol.

I'm from Los Angeles, many years, and miss it. I know south LA through my family but not Compton personally. If you want creds, my xhusband was playing baseball at some age like eleven in Watts, the day the Watts 'riots' started. His family is white. They bought there because it was low cost, both parents being from the Montana/Minnesota areas. His father left school in 4th grade, mother after nursing school. They were thrifty.

The family lived there way past that, getting along. I've no clue as a non welcomed mate of their older son, of all their thoughts, but they were interesting people, the father in particular, who read a lot of history when he could. I noticed he got to like me, well, some. The distaste vapored.
The explosion was not with me, but who the younger son married. Stay tune for soap opera.

If you think I am troll, then don't answer my post. But I have my rights to write out my feelings here, as I don't violate any Forum rules.

It just sometimes I wonder if my abusive childhood past effect me this much in my personal life as an adult? I thought I left all these behind when I walk out of my mother house.

I was belittle, and verbally put down/mentally abuse by my mother throughout my whole childhood, and one time she physically beaten me up, where I end up to 'foster home" for couple years due to mom domestic 'child abuse' me. This was 1 time physical abuse, but the verbally abuse is worst leave me further emotional scars.

From these trauma I build up walls inside myself to protect my emotions from getting hurt. I don't know why I can't seem to shut down those walls yet. I feel that I am a BURDEN to this man.

And if you wonder why I end up in the ghetto? Because I run out of the hell house of my verbally abusive mother at the age of 18, I end up in Homeless Shelter for couple weeks before I can find myself a place.

I did enrolled in college, but then I dropped out of college due to I can't struggle working full time and attending school.
So pardon me for my bad English grammars. I am Asian-American, and English is my third language.
No, I didn't tell this to get any sympathy s-h-i-t, I tell it because I get criticise for my poor English grammars when I write in Forum.

I move around many different places too before I end up in this city (I live here 4 years now)
Here the rent is CHEAP, so why not live here? I won't be here forever, just temporatory.
Your cool with the neighbors, they cool with you. I mind my own business, I close my door and I survive here many years already.

The Watts Riots incident you mentioned must be a long time ago, because eversince I move in here 4 years ago, I don't know about that.
But there are random shooting (gangs related) happening here in the ghetto where I live in. And lots of drug users too, but I learn to mind my own business and close my door, and I survive.

Happy Holiday to you ossobuco,
and my abuse was not sexual.
I was belittle, and verbally put down/mentally abuse by my mother throughout my whole childhood, and one time she physically beaten me up, where I end up to 'foster home" for couple years due to mom domestic 'child abuse' me. I did get return home after few years, the physical abuse did stop, but the belittle verbally continues till I get old enough and left the house.
This was 1 time 'physical' abuse, but the verbally abuse is worst, as it leave me with emotional scars.

The physical abuse, it happened when we first come to USA. My mother said to the court that it was normal, back in my Asia homeland to beaten their kids up with belt, and slap them across their face.
But you know in USA, that is NOT OK!!!
I went to school after the weekend, with bruises on my arms, and redmarks across my face. The school teach called police, and it went to court, and court take me away to 'foster home' for a while.
That was all to my abusive past, maybe it nothing big to other kids, but I guess to me it a big deal, since it still haunts me subconciously.

I'll work an answer, tomorrow.

Our ideas of a long time ago vary, as I'm old. There is quite a history since.

Is fine, you don't have to give me any answer/advice. I didn't come here to get any sympathy. What I write are my true situation.
It might sound odd to you as Americans, but to poor Asian country, it is normal back in my homeland for beaten their kids: such as hit them with a belt, slap them across their face, etc...

And the reason why my mom throw her anger at me is because my dad was always out in business trips, and he cheats on my mom.
My mom know about my dad cheats; but back in our traditional Asian culture, divorce as not an option, as we considered to be "Loose Face"

My dad did make enojugh money to immigrant our whole family to USA though.
When first step foot on USA, my mom was stress out from being in a foreign land, and learning the new language.
I guess all her anger she hold up for all those years, got explode somehow.
So she beaten me that weekend when my dad wasn't home.
And the rest, you know from my 2 posts above.

The past is the past, my boyfriend have his fair share of rough upbringing in the ghetto too, but it didn't effect him 'emotionally".
So I guess being a woman, I'm more on the weaker side when it come to "emotions".
Most of the time, I'm the happy, bright smile kind of girl, my past didn't bother me much.
It just when it get to "personal emotional attachment", I tends to held myself back from some reason, I don't know, but I just feel that way.

Anyways, excuse my bad grammars English. I type it fast, as I am doing multi-task right now. English is my third language.

You write well.

I sort of get all the complications.

Semi kidding.

I get cynical very quickly when someone comes on here and launches into a full flow of many and varied threads, after announcing in their very first post that their English is poor and not their first language.

I'll hold back on my other observations about this one for now, but it would be interesting to establish what his/her first language actually is, because I bet we could rustle up someone here who could converse fluently and help to set minds at rest.

Even our translator George could be called in if need be.