One-night stands and sex buddies

Having sex in a Cavalier? That better not have been my spaniel....

I had a horrid girlfriend in university, who cheated on me constantly. Finally her roommate spilled the beans, and I just left. A couple of days later, I banged my best friend's girlfriend. Yeah...that was sweet. They weren't going out at the time, just so you don't think I'm a total cad.

That is sweet. Sex and revenge at the same time.

Your spaniel?

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, largest of the toy breeds, smallest of the spaniels.

Aaaaah! I always wondered about your screen name.

Doggy style is one thing, but if yer 'dogging it', that is just waaayyy too much Jack Daniels at work.

Here's a bad one-night stand story...the opposite of going "hogging." I went out with a buddy of mine and his girlfriend, who had a bunch of friends down from Canadia, eh? None of them were that great looking...anyway, it's near the end of the night, and one of them, who my first impression was "kind of skinny, kind of a horse face," informs me she wants to fvck me...straight out.
I wasn't really feeling it with this chick. My buddy ends up purposely taking off on me and this chick, so I have to drive her home. Well dammit, I take her back to my place. When she took off her clothes I almost puked: she was an absolute bone rack, 100% had an eating disorder.......

So after banging her, I basically threw her clothes at her, and told her I was driving her home.

What else...I think most of my other one-nighters were pretty normal....one demanded I shove one of my digits up her can while I was down on her. Is that weird, for a one-nighter?

Oh yea, maybe 3 years ago, I was probably 24, I took home this 36 year old at the time who I met through my friend (he was banging her too). The ONLY time in my life I lost my erection was with this chick. Probably because I was hammered, which usually doesn't affect me. Anyway, another one of my friends was going to bang her last year, and HE went limp on her. I think it's hilarious. And it's not that she's bad looking.

Yikes Slappy. You only made one mistake. When throwing her clothes at her you should have included cab fare, and not driven her home.

When I was about 17, it was still easy to get into clubs to see bands. I met a thirty-something chick and said "Nice hat." We ended up talking all night, and we shared a cab home. When we pulled up to my parent's house, which was clearly not an abode I looked like I could afford, she asked "How old are you?" I made the mistake of being honest. Doh! I had a similar situation with another woman, I'm guessing 40-ish, I was 19, and she was flirting like a madwoman. Same problem..."How old are you?" I told her, and was brushed off nicely with the comment "Well, you're very beautiful." It was a nice moment, but no sex. Cougars are becoming more brave these days though. I guess I just missed out.

What else...I think most of my other one-nighters were pretty normal....one demanded I shove one of my digits up her can while I was down on her. Is that weird, for a one-nighter?

I don't know if that's weird for a one-nighter. All I know is I've never had that request from a one-nighter.

Slappy, that's hilarious.

It's called the 'Venus Butterfly', and chicks dig it.

Hmm, up the can...sorry, I misread. Yeah, that's a little weird for a one-nighter you aren't paying for.

Just the part about going down on a one-nighter. The digit in the can is rather par for the course.

My favorite one nightstand was a blind date set up by an ex-girlfriend. I hadn't spoken to this ex in about 6 months on account of she hadn't really stopped seeing her ex while we were going out. He was one of these supposedly dangerous druggy types and apparently held my existence against me. It wasn't my fault, but that's another story.

Anyway, after a couple sentences of small talk, she puts this chick on the phone. She explains that my ex feels bad about the way things turned out between us, and wants to make amends by introducing me to a great girl, who's just getting out of a bad relationship. "She just thinks we're both great people and thinks we'd hit it off".

She wants to meet me at this shady bar down the road from my ex's house so my ex's man doesn't freak when he sees my car. This is a very rough bar, where normal people wouldn't go, so I begin to suspect something fishy. She interrupts this chain of thought with, "Do you want to know what I look like" (my ex of course knows my taste, so I assume she means so I'll recognize her when we meet). "5'10", about a 115 pounds with long brown hair, great ass..." . Okay, I'm in.

Still wondering whether I'm going to meet a beautiful woman or my ex's man and friends , I take my cue stick out of the trunk, unzip the case and put in on the passenger seat, just in case I need to crack some heads. Paranoia starts to eat at me on the way over, as I try to compute this bizarre happenstance.

When I pull into the parking lot, and get out of the car like a coiled spring ready to explode at the first sign of danger, this beautiful woman comes running up to the car and says let's get out of here! Apparently, that creepy bar and it's inhabitants had creeped her out badly. As we drive away, she notices the cue stick and says, "Didn't really know what to expect, eh?" with a teasing smile on her face. (In truth, I still wasn't sure). I purposely took her to one of the more exclusive clubs where I knew my ex's man's crew would stick out like a soar thumb if they did show up.

My fears were all about nothing. This girl was fantastic and we did indeed hit it off. Being a little on the immature side, I purposely turned the charm up to ludicrous, and spared no expense, knowing full well she'd tell my ex all about it.

That one-night-stand lasted about a week and was absolutely fantastic in every meaning of the word. Had she not discovered she was pregnant from her ex, who knows how long it would have lasted? Since she was pregnant, she decided to give her ex another shot, so we parted as friends. I haven't turned down a blind date offer since.

Bill, the digit in the can is par for the course? Man, if I weren't married I'd go to Costa Rica....

I don't know about this digit in the can thing. I used to know a guy though who was very popular with the ladies, and he swore by this technique whereby he would go down on the girl, and start licking around up the can hole on his way up to the sweet spot. Now, I am not a salad tosser, but he was very popular . . .

Never tossed a salad in my life (assuming that means gay), Kicky, but I do aim to please. I wouldn't start there, but the occasional tongue swipe generally sends ripples of pleasure through the female body (and is, of course, a mandatory precursor to digits). And Cav; a dog is never too old to learn new tricks. :wink:

No, Bill, tossed salad just means licking anyone's a-hole. It's sexually non-specific.

And about those ripples of pleasure. Yeah, that's exactly what he always said. I just can't get myself to do it.

Kicky no like stinky hole.

I was at a Cigar-Store Indian show one night and as I examined a particularly nice Cigar-Store Indian, I noticed a rather plump nun walking by on the sidewalk outside. She glanced in the building, our eyes met, and the air was filled with magic.

I raced outside and ripped off her habit and nailed her to a parking meter like there was no tomorrow. Her glasses were sitting sideways on her face when we were done.

Not a word was ever spoken. Just soft passionate muffled sounds filled the air.

She put her habit back on, adjusted her rosary, and continued on her journey.

I adjusted my bib overalls, lit my pipe, and walked back inside to examine more Cigar-Store Indians.

Nor do I, Kicky. Outstanding hygiene is a mandatory prereq.