I think if she maintains her resolve -- there seems to be an element of, VHB is VH, and nice, and a little tempting -- it should be fine. Obviously if VHB does anything inappropriate, he should be called on it. But I've known a lot of these brother pairs, and "get the girlfriend from brother" is a common dynamic, even if unconscious.
Hmm, Sofia. Lessee, VH doesn't seem to be crossing any line, exactly, what with being all deferential and nice to her - that's a little hard to complain about, as in "stop being so nice!" There must be some tension in the air...
Is your daughter interested in VHB? Not that I blame her, but attraction from her, even if slight, would add to the tension. If she isn't interested, that will eventually dawn on VHB and, I would think, the tension with the brothers would diminish over time, at least about this situation. If she is interested, hmmm, another problemo.
Diane wrote:Doglover agrees that affairs can be no more sinful that cheating on taxes, stealing, etc. Then nimh replied that the impact of an affair is much greater. That's the rub, I guess.
The rub is everyone involved gets cheated out of a committed relationship. An affair affects everyone negatively directly or indirectly. I hate when one tries to justify their lack of character by comparing their sin on a scale to other sins.
plainoldme wrote:My son, now 19, learned the hard way that cheating on a girlfriend doesn't pay. He was seeing two girls at once and I warned him about all of the consequences of that and said that the girls knew what was going on and that he had better decide on one or break off both relationships. Well, both girls exploded at him. As the one said, "Why wasn't I enough for you? What is wrong with me that I wasn't enough?"
He hasn't been able to connect with a girl since, and the cheating went on two years ago. He's been lonely: so I hope he's learned his lesson.
Does he socialize with the same friends? Word could have spread between them.
Sofia, I think Osso got right to the sticking point. Tension does seem to be in the air, in addition to the "nice" behavior.
It might be a good idea for you to ask her to look closely and honestly at her own feelings.
Love each other, "just like brother's"....HAH!
Sophia in your daughter's position, in public, I would either blatantly flirt with the VHB or blatantly be devoted to the guy what brung me to the family picnic--or both. Subtle is wasted effort. She might even ask their mother--in a loud clear voice--if the "boys" have always been competitive.
As a Mother of Sons, I suspect that the VHB is trying to be provocative. If he were younger, the word would be "bratty". Meanwhile your daughter's swain (I presume the younger brother) is getting his buttons pushed.
In private, have her ask her swain whether VHB really thinks that women will all find him irresistable. Let him know that she really appreciates openness and honesty.
If she discovers that VHB uncaps great wells of insecurity in her swain, perhaps she should do some thinking about the relationship. After all, she'd marry the whole family--and all of the family past.
It is quite clear to me that Osso and Noddy should start a Dear Abbey sort of thread.
Nah, at least I have been off the mark on several occasions.
What we have is a group of Abbys. Hmm, a group abyss. An accoutrement of abbesses. Oh, never mind, I have to go to work now.
