Wow, after reading this thread for the first time, I'm amazed at the responses and the honesty.
Sofia, I'm so glad you were able to make a new life with your husband. If I had been threatened with loss of my children, I don't know if I could have dealt with him without a rifle in my hands. LOL.
Later in the thread you quoted someone as saying,
"A friend is someone who witnesses your life." That so applies to a spouse or partner who can look at you as an individual and not ask you to acquire an image suitable to career or ideal--think 'corporate wife.'
Msolga's ideas of a disposable society and the need for the phase of exciting, romantic love over and over again, imo, is why many people don't get married (thank heaven). I'm sure it also makes for terminally unstable marriages.
Relative--I totally agree with you regarding the emphasis on sexual unfaithfulness by most religions, especially Christians. Maybe that's why so many well known religious leaders are caught with their knickers down around their ankles. There are so many forms of cheating that seem as bad or even much worse than sexual cheating.
When a father cheats his children out of time spent going on walks or tossing a few balls or talking about the world in terms they can understand or talking about success in ways other than making money--all seem to me to be much worse than having an affair on a spouse!! The same holds true for mothers. Spending more time on career or on organizations which advertize your value to the community, while ignoring the needs of your spouse or children is, to me, as bad as cheating.
Phoenix, your response to Dys was surprisingly patronizing. Thanks to nimh, for adding a little balance. It does go both ways and noone here knows all the hurtful details of anyone's relationships that ultimately factor into unfaithfulness or neglect.
Nimh said,
Quote:a) would you have turned that around to the person in question just as instantly if it had been the woman that'd been cheated on? ("I trust you have learned now that most men need emotional confirmation and sexual gratification from their wife!"?
Well said!!
Littlek and others who wouldn't dream of cheating on their spouses; that applied to me, even after 34 years of marriage, after having become numb in order not to think about how unhappy I was. I didn't plan on cheating and I know how silly it sounds to say that it happened despite my strong aversion to cheating. Most of you know my story with Dys. I should have acted on my desire to divorce many years ago, but felt the marriage needed to be protected. I cheated, then divorced. I have never been so happy in my life. Each day just seems to get better and each day makes me realize just how bad my marriage was and how numb I had become. And how stupid I was to remain with someone for whom I no longer felt any closeness, simply for the safety and security. In some ways, I think I cheated my ex husband more by staying than by having extramarital sex with Dys.
There are so many ways of cheating that are so much worse than sex outside marriage, but they require more detail than any of us could go into without baring the most private details of our lives. Details that rightly should remain private.
