Recovering from an affair but now he says He does not love me like he used to? WTH

More counseling could be an option. If it were me, divorce is a stronger option. He doesn't value the marriage or take responsibility for his actions. Do you have any kids?

This self-sabotaging (I just don't love you like I did so you need to set me free) is a ploy. He wants to be single.

YOU should go to counseling without him. YOU are going to need all the personal strength you can help you figure out how you are going to get through all this. He sounds like a manipulator.

Yes...she ruined his fun right?? Now he's sure you'll forgive and take anything from him...as long as it's something/anything. Do yourself a favor and cut him loose. He's got you're number and he knows you'll put up with anything.

Excuse me how is more counseling will do any good to them?
He said no love no more. He was truthful.

I told HER to go to counseling because I picked up that she needs help in learning how to handle living with a blamer and manipulator.

I have a feeling that he's going to be a difficult "ex."

Do you think she will live with him after she said divorce is an option?
He is staying I think because he has nowhere to go.
At first opportunity he will be a flyer...

adrienne,
you should go and see a lawyer and proceed with a divorce.
Your husband openly looked for affairs while you stood by him? Not many women would do this, I tell you that much.
Now, that he's gotten nowhere with other women (I wonder why?), he came back and makes your life miserable. Toss him to the curb where he belongs!

Yet, first things first: a visit to a good lawyer is important!

The only thing he seems to have learned from you standing by him, is that you're weak. He has no respect left for you. Through numerous affairs ....why on earth did you stay? Get out of this mess. File for divorce...Use a lawyer.

Adrienne,

Before rushing off to a lawyer, are you a Christian? do you have any faith in GOD? Its obvious your husband does not.

My brother did this to his first wife after 19 years of marriage and two young boys. He actually told me "I was trapped in a loveless marriage for 19 years but I've met this wonderful women". I urge you to see a lawyer, stick with a counselor to help to get ready, it's not going to be easy but you don't want to live with a man who is always seeking something just a tad better than you. Please don't let him convince you it's your fault. If you had been married 2 years and decided to split, it's probably nobody's fault, you both picked wrong. But after 16 years of marriage, it's somebody looking for a change.

Please, please, please get a handle on what assets you own together, what income is coming in and what is going out. Do a credit check to make sure there are no credit cards you are unaware of. I believe in an equitable split of assets. But find out what there is, and since you have 16 years together, you both might have a claim against each of your retirement funds. Don't sign any releases until you've. Read them 5 times and your lawyer has reviewed everything. I'm embarrassed that my brother contributed very little towards the support of his children. I wish you all the best, but please get ready. My first husband tried to make me homeless, he wanted everything, including the baby's crib....it was a nightmare.

Why on Earth did she stay?
Ever heard of love?

I have left someone I loved in the past due to the relationship not being good for me. I refuse to be anyone's door mat. It doesn't matter if it's my own mother, a friend, sister, employer...that doesn't mean I'll stop loving them....but-- I need to be valued and respected.

Some people are stronger than others. You can't expect everyone being able to refuse love. Those who can are lucky.

I think self-esteem is the issue there. It's not love your refusing it's ill treatment, disrespect.disloyalty, etc.

You can not control love. It comes over you and if you saying you can - you had not loved anyone more than yourself. Trust me

No Eluisa. I have loved deeply and tenderly. I've had my heart broken a time or two... You're not understanding what I'm trying to say. Simply because you're able to walk away doesn't mean you don't deeply love. Staying beside someone that doesn't respect you, is disloyal, is not in love with you, etc, doesn't make you anything other than a useful fool. Being able to walk away with a crushed heart, can at least open the door for all parties to receive what they truly need. It's not easy to let go! I also believe one can have more than a single great love in life. So--if you're not fulfilling them and you are not fulfilled yourself, why stay...to promote misery? BTW-- not enduring abuse is not synonymous with being selfish. I don't agree that in order to prove I love someone, it is necessary for me to allow them to wipe their feet on me.

I do understand. This is why I said you are of the stronger bunch.
I am not sure. I don't know because I was not ever in relationships where I was disrespected. And if I ever thought I might be I would run.
However TODAY I am having such state of emotions that I believe I would rather have him wipe his feet...not that I think for a second that it could happen. Maybe it is age or something. Idont know.
This is why I am saying there might be different strength of love.
Some is just seem like a big deal because of sex and emotions and another is just something else.
Or it is simply as I said - stronger and weaker people dealing with same thing.

You seem to think you're the only poster who has ever loved someone else, been in love, had a crush, lusted for someone.

It's simply not the case.

You may not be able to control who you lust for - but you can choose what you do about that.

Sometimes it seems to me that I AM the only one HERE who did.
You are right.
And I said this before that I was right were you are a few month ago,
so I understand how frustrating is it to you to listen to me because if it was
old me - I would be just as mad at me as you right now.