Intimate conversation please help

you clearly have never fully never trusted your husband again since the first instance of cheating

why you are willing to stay in such a relationship is beyond me

Thank you for being so kind . I appreciate you. I also know you've been married a long time and understand the complexities .

I didn't change it after you posted but as soon as I posted mine. I realized the sentence was incomplete. I find you are harsh and insensitive. I really don't care to hear from you as I'm hurting enough already. Use someone else for target practice.

WHY are you people so strange about spying? If someone is cheating on me and I have way to find out - do I have to sit there and wait?
How do you suggest one finds out if spouse is cheating?

I think some people have black and white mentality. If you don't trust you leave period. Sometimes it goes deeper than that. Sometimes doubt inspired by behaviors or lies can reopen a wound. I guess I'm willing to work on it if it's not cheating. I love him. But, I'm won't tolerate another infidelity. Still, I'm waiting to hear what people think of the audio content. I think maybe this time I require proof. The MO is the same.

I say it ALWAYS go deeper than that.
Some people here are acting like they are invincible and will not make a mistake in their lives. I am finding it but disturbing. It tells me they have issues that are buried deep inside.
Like I said once already I was clearly just like Beth (for 20 years) about 2 month ago. However life have changed and no one insured from anything. So, those 'know it all' - lighten up and cut people a slack.

So, Eliusa, what you seem to be saying is that when someone comes here for advice or whatever, we should not give honest advice because that would be too harsh. We should instead "lighten up" and do what? Ignore the poster? Try to take a wild guess about what they WANT us to tell them and just tell them that? Or maybe we should just tell them to do whatever the heck they want to do because deep down we really don't care what they do?

Most of us here HAVE made mistakes (except for me of course) and we have learned from them. That is exactly why we feel comfortable with the advice we give. It comes from experience. It also comes from differing moral compasses. Sometimes posters get advice that varies greatly. Other times the advice is pretty much the same from all those responding. It is at times like that one should give very serious attention to the advice. It is not likely we are all wrong.

And lastly, you have no idea that you were once like ehBeth because you do not have an inkling of who ehBeth is or what she has experienced in life.

Basically, if you cannot deal with people giving you advice you may not want to hear or you have no intention of considering, then don't go on a forum and ask total strangers for advice. You're wasting your time and ours.

Its really easy not to waste your time you know. But you WANT to waste it so you are wasting it;)

If I found out that my wife is spying on me that would be the end of the relationship and the marriage.

Trust is the center of any marriage and without it what the point of being married to someone?

Ok, lets say one is cheating. Another one is feeling it. You know how people sometimes feeling it? So what the other non-cheating to do? Silent suffering and do nothing? What if cheating one doesn't want to 'talk about it' and denies everything? And you know something is going on.

If you are that unhappy that you feel that way whether there is cheating or not happening you could try marriage counseling and if needed a divorce as if I found out that my wife had gone to the degree you had I would file for divorce at once.

No one should be locked into a marriage where there is no trust with a partner and it does not matter if you might have reasons or not, to not have that trust in your husband. The main issue is the lack of trust to that degree in a marriage.

Even if you have a private detective followed him around for a year 24/7 and find no evidence of cheating I question if that would cause you to grant him the level of trust that any marriage need.

Absofreakinglutely I would tell myself 'thanks god I was an idiot' and go on with my life with my husband being better wife feeling guilty for mistrust.

Whatever you are saying is from the perfect world of smart happy people.
But world is full of others as well.

Sorry but you can never disproved a negative IE you can never prove that he is not cheating or will not cheat in the future.

The detective might not be all that good and or ripping you off, or one day after you let the detective go your husband could meet another woman and begin having an affair.

Once the trust is gone it is gone in most cases and no report from a detective or no results from a lie detector exam is going to place you mind at ease for very long.

Be fair to both yourself and your husband and consider ending the marriage.

Are you talking to me? Why am I supposed to be ending my marriage?
I am not hiding anything from my husband. I tell him how it is.
And what rights do you have to tell anyone to take such a drastic measures like ending a marriage? You going too far and you need to stop typing and maybe poor some glue over your keyboard.

All I was saying is I was as hard on cheaters and denying possibility of falling in love being married and if I was posting here 2 month ago I would sound just like Beth...and you, Saint Rat

Sorry I got you confused with the creator of this thread.

But spying is still the beginning of the end of any marriage if not a sign that the marriage is already dead and beginning to smell.

Newstep...you are hurting badly...and want desperately for all this not to be happening.

I'm sure you know all the options open to you without the "advice" you are getting here...but the options are not really what you want. What you want is for this not to be happening.

It is happening, however, and the thing is...you are going to have to deal with it.

Talk to your husband...force the conversation if you have to...but understand that this either is already a lost cause...or that it will get much more painful before it can possibly get better.

These things hurt...hurt like crazy. It is your chance to learn to deal with hurt of the maximum kind.

I wish you well. For the most part....sympathy is not A2K's strong point...and probably sympathy is not the best medicine for you.

Good luck.

Why is people won't comment on the audio. Is it people don't think I deserve feedback? They don't approve of my method of obtaining it? I guess it's ok I endured a year of someone telling me I was insecure ( while doubling hours at work while being salaried), treating me like hell (at the time I just wanted to do right ..so I tried 2x as hard to be as good and deserving as I could be. In return he had a hard time even having sex with me. Really?! I caught him in several lies. I guess I can either trust him based on word or get out. We had beautiful years together. Should I give up or I'm I wrong to not trust him? If I don't trust right away then I should get out? That's what I mean. Let the moral patrol get of fat the next exit. You don't care or even try to.

Thank you, I needed to hear that.

Because the audio by itself does not prove anything. There could be all kinds of reasons for his saying what he said. I'm assuming though that the little snippet you shared is just a portion and you have more of the conversation than this, but even if not, this is not proof of anything.

Based on your husband's past infidelities, I can totally understand why you would think that he is talking to someone he cheated on you with, but there could be something else entirely going on here. Who knows. Anything we might think is pure conjecture.