Tell me how to persuade my boyfriend for not getting intimate.

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Persistent Boyfriend, Putting Off Intimacy, Sex Is A Sin
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I am 17 and so is my boyfriend. We have been dating for a year. No doubt we both love each other very much. But he wants physical intimacy with me and I always oppose him. One reason may be that I am afraid of being cheated on because men usually lose the interest after getting that close to a girl. Another reason, which is in fact the biggest reason, is that I promised my parents that I won't do anything wrong which our conscience and society don't allow and I won't let them down. But I never doubt his love for me. It is so intense that sometimes I too want to get physical but I stop myself because I can't lose my parents for a guy no matter how much he loves me. Please tell me how to convince my boyfriend that we should not do such kinda things before getting married. Help me!?

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Type: Question • Score: 21 • Views: 18,883 • Replies: 65

View best answer, chosen by Sweet Katy

@Sweet Katy,

Joe, I love you. And I know you're interested in increasing our intimacy, but I want to save myself for marriage. I hope you will understand.

Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker, particularly if you have never actually spelled it out before. But if that's what you want to do, then you have got to set clear expectations that brook no dissent, no arguing and no convincing or wheedling.

1 Reply

@Sweet Katy,

I don't think you can persuade your boyfriend. Think about what you are asking him. You are asking an awful lot.

It probably doesn't make sense for you to get married if either you or he plans to go to college or work on a career. In modern society, marriage is happening later and later. This is probably a good thing because the later you get married, the better chance you have that the marriage will stick.

If both you and your boyfriend are in a religious group that believes in waiting for marriage to have sex, then you might be able to make it work. This will probably mean that you will get married earlier. Even in religious groups this causes problems... but people do it.

But if you boyfriend doesn't share your religious beliefs, then what you are asking is impossible. You are asking him to forgo a normal and important part of an intimate relationship, and you are pressuring him into the commitment of marriage. And you are basically requesting that he not have sex with you, or with anyone else.

This is too much to ask.

If you have these religious beliefs that are important to you, then you should find someone who shares your beliefs. Trying to force these beliefs on someone who doesn't hold them won't work.

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@maxdancona,

I agree with that, Max.

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@Sweet Katy,

He needs to respect your wishes. Of course, while at the same time, you need to let him know that no means that you mean no . Stand by that but let him know you feel the same way. It won't be that way forever...but you are only 17 yrs of age and need to keep life's priorities (and accidents) from changing your life in a direction that you don't want to go (risk of pregnancy). He will understand if he is worth it.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

yeah, I think you are right. He will understand if he is worth it. I will clearly tell him my conditions. Moreover our marriage is not fixed yet. It depends on our families and we belong to different castes. So in case I don't get married to him, my husband won't have the point to doubt my virginity.

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@maxdancona,

hmm, I know this. Actully he got intimate with his ex gf and he couldn't stop himself when we meet privately. I know it would be very tough for him, but can't he stop his intimacy for my sake. My parents will kill me for sure if anyhow they get to know about it. I am very confused. He promised not to touch me and asked me to stop him in case he crosses his limits. But I feel very unsafe with him. What if he loses his contol? My whole life will turn into a trash!!!

1 Reply

@jespah,

well this is good. I liked it. Thank you Smile

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@Sweet Katy,

Sweet Katy wrote:

He promised not to touch me and asked me to stop him in case he crosses his limits.

this is his responsibility, not yours.

if you do not feel safe with him, you need to tell him that and be honest that you will not be able to continue a relationship with him if he is unable to control himself

does your family know you are dating him?

1 Reply

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@Sweet Katy,

If you are wanting to live by the bible understanding that fornication is a sin, sex when not married, yet he is opposed then you need to leave him. Otherwise. Get married now.

Your boyfriend is disrespectful, he is being disrespectful. You deserve better.

1 Reply

@bellamente,

Hmmm Bellamente, there is nothing here to imply that Sweet Katy wants to live by the bible understanding that "fornication is a sin". If you read her post, she is doing it for her parents.

Personally, a 17 year old is just about at the age that she needs to start making decisions for herself. In less then a year she will be a legal adult. Seventeen is the right time to have adult, meaningful adult relationships.

I think your advice that she get married right away is horrible. Seventeen is far too young to make a lifetime commitment. The statistics are clear that people who get married young are far more likely to get divorced (or worse).

For most human beings, sex is a normal and healthy part of a healthy intimate relationship. Most people start having sex at about the age of 17, and most people have a fine meaningful experience having sex far before they are married.

Hopefully Sweet Katy has access to information about birth control and responsible sexuality. One problem with the unrealistic rules of religion is that people "fall" into sex, rather then enter a sexual relationship responsibly. This is why unwanted pregnancies happen so often with religious teens who have promised to abstain from sex.

The no sex before marriage idea may have worked 100 years ago when we lived shorter lives, worked on farms and had simpler religious ideas. These days people value education and careers and freedom. Abstinence before marriage really doesn't sense any more.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Ummmmm. Are you following me? Shocked

1 Reply

@bellamente,

What are you talking about Bellamente. I was here first.

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The original poster has two options. Live by the bible or don't live by the bible.

Parents are to be an individual's guidance(s) until of age. Some are not as blessed as others. It is extremely difficult when you're not as blessed as others. I speak from experience based on my life.

Yes. I believe she should wait until eighteen to marry. I personally was nineteen and am still married. I haven't had sex since June 2012. I live with my husband and he does try his best to get me to have sex with him. I won't. He needs to start understanding things, life, things in life or I will never and we end up getting a divorce.

3 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Quote:

What are you talking about Bellamente. I was here first.

bellamente wrote:
Okay cupcake.

0 Replies

@bellamente,

Quote:

I live with my husband and he does try his best to get me to have sex with him. I won't. He needs to start understanding things, life, things in life or I will never and we end up getting a divorce.

If this is true, you are not living by the Bible.

1 Corinthians 7 says clearly that wives and husbands should not withhold sex from each other except by mutual consent (that means he has to agree with it) and only for a short time.

I don't want to meddle in your marriage... but I know my Bible and I don't have much patience for hypocrisy.

1 Reply

@bellamente,

bellamente wrote:

The original poster has two options. Live by the bible or don't live by the bible.

that's a pretty easy one for the OP to resolve. Unless you know any Christian castes, she is not Christian and can ignore the bible like so many others do.

2 Replies

@maxdancona,

Quote:

1 Corinthians 7

New International Version (NIV)

Concerning Married Life

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt youbecause of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Concerning Change of Status

17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20 Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I do not consent.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Quote:

that's a pretty easy one for the OP to resolve. Unless you know any Christian castes, she is not Christian and can ignore the bible like so many others do.

She has two options. Follow the bible or ignore my post. Nothing wrong with sharing words. One is tired of my sharing words? Then one will do the best they can to ban me from this site.

If a poster does not want me replying to their post then they should had never posted. There are believers and non believers all over.

I've been through a difficult time, a difficult life. I've always believed but never understood. Had difficulty understanding things, life, things in life, my entire life. I'm finally understanding along with understanding the LORD Jesus Christ. It means a lot to me to finally understand. Ignorance can severely blind someone throughout their life. Did mine. The right guidance is needed. The guidance I never had. Until someone crossed my path guiding me toward the ability to understand. I understand more now than I have my entire life. And I want to share my knowledge with all who I can. Because I'm grateful.

1 Reply

Quote:

Please tell me how to convince my boyfriend that we should not do such kinda things before getting married.

Just tell him you're a lesbian.. Smile

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Tell me how to persuade my boyfriend for not getting intimate.

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