21
   

Tell me how to persuade my boyfriend for not getting intimate.

 
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 07:54 pm
@bellamente,
Quote:
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer


You are clearly disobeying the Bible Bellamente. This makes your attempts to throw the Bible at other people all the more annoying. No one likes hypocrisy.

Sex is an important part of marriage. It is a part of the wedding vows. Refusing to have sex in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

If you are using sex to pressure your husband as you imply, you are most definitely disobeying the Bible (and common decency).

0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 07:58 pm
@bellamente,
Why won't you have sex with your husband? It's part of marriage and your husband has grounds to divorce you because you're not holding up your end of the marriage. Regardless, I would like to know why you refuse to have sex with your husband?
bellamente
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 08:16 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
Why won't you have sex with your husband? It's part of marriage and your husband has grounds to divorce you because you're not holding up your end of the marriage. Regardless, I would like to know why you refuse to have sex with your husband?


Couple months before I became age 21 I fell out of love with him. Soon after having became age 22 stopped having sex altogether. Haven't since. Not that my age matters but may help some to keep from thinking too hard, I'm twenty-four. I'm not in love with him, he is aware, and I have told him in other words I will consent if he would help me by he understanding more than he does now. I feel I have a psychological problem. I may have given him some difficult options in order for he and I to have sex again but it would help me more than he realizes. I'm wanting him to seek the LORD Jesus Christ with his heart and to continuously. To live his life right by the bible. He needs to understand he has no right to be upset with God. It was Or but it would be nice if he would at least workout with me for three months straight. We've attempted so in the past but he's always given up halfway, to about halfway through the program. He knows he is very welcome to divorce me any time.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  3  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 08:50 pm
@ehBeth,
yeah, my family knows about this. But they don't know we sometimes meet privately. And his family is very conservative. They don't allow him to talk to any girl. So we have very little chances of getting married. And that's why I'm afraid of losing virginity. All this he told me himself saying that he love me so much that he doesn't like hiding anything from me.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  3  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 09:03 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm Hindu not Christian. I live in India. Usually a girl who is indulged in a sexual relationship before marriage is called a slut and characterless girl. No one wants to marry her. And if it is found after marriage that the girl is not ''pure'' the husband loses interest in his wife and their married life has to suffer a lot.
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 09:07 pm
@Sweet Katy,
Yes, I understand that the expectations/standards are different for many Hindus living in India (and in some other countries/communities as well).

If he can't even tell his family that he is dating you, it will be difficult for you both in the long run. Until you are both able to tell your families about your relationship you are probably better off not seeing each other. There may still be complications for him resulting from him having had sex with his previous girlfriend.

If he cannot restrain himself when he is alone with you, you are probably better off telling him that you cannot be alone with him anymore until you are considered an independent adult in your community.

Good luck. This is not easy.
bellamente
 
  2  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 10:05 pm
@Sweet Katy,
Be thankful for who you are. Not everyone is blessed as you are.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  5  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 10:35 pm
@bellamente,
bellamente wrote:

If a poster does not want me replying to their post then they should had never posted. There are believers and non believers all over.


I'm pretty sure the poster had no idea you would be here. In fact, it's possible she had no idea that people like you existed.
bellamente
 
  -4  
Reply Sun 20 Apr, 2014 10:45 pm
@roger,
Quote:
I'm pretty sure the poster had no idea you would be here. In fact, it's possible she had no idea that people like you existed.


This you telling me you're in love with me.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 03:23 am
He promised me yesterday that he won't let anything wrong happen to me. He doesn't want the society to tag me a girl low at morals. He said my virginity would be a gift to my husband whether it would be him or someone else. But he asked me if he could touch me. And I refused him. I just want hugs and kisses, no more physical intimacy until he accepts me before his family. I can't risk my future life for his pleasure.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  2  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 03:34 am
@ehBeth,
hmm you are right. This is not easy. But I have to do it anyway. I don't care if he leaves me just because I didn't allow him to touch me. He should love my soul not my body. After all, I love him, care for him, always there for him whenever he feels low, respect him and his ideas. Isn't it enough for a perfect relationship? I ask what's the point of this increasing intimacy. Better if he understand me and my conditions. And he knows about that. I told him at the beginning about this matter. He should not insist if he loves me truly. Can't he control his desires for my sake...??
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 04:51 am
There is such a thing as "heavy petting", which in some very restrictive societies is used as a relief of tension.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 05:17 am
@Sweet Katy,
Other than the issue of physical intimacy, how is your relationship with him? Do you feel respected and supported by your boyfriend in general?
jespah
  Selected Answer
 
  5  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 07:55 am
@Sweet Katy,
A lot of people get overwhelmed when it comes to sexual intimacy.

Like ehBeth said, it's likely best for the two of you to not be alone together. He'll feel teased, and you'll feel pressured.

I wish I could say that everyone, easily, can just kiss and hug and be done with it. But that's not the case with everyone or even with a lot of people. If you want to maintain your virginity, and also don't want to engage in heavier petting (e. g. touching each other's genitals, etc.), then you are going to have to avoid being alone together and raising the possibility of something happening.

If you do not trust him to respect your wishes in this area, then you might want to reevaluate this relationship.
bellamente
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 09:31 am
@jespah,
As far as the touching genitals, yet no sexual act committed... THE MAN WHO CHOSE THE UNNECESSARY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP LET IT GET THAT FAR. He should had been a man and accepted the woman instead of treating her like some pos because she needed to lose some weight. That's not a man. That's a scared little boy refusing to grow up. Oh. These individuals are minors? Please. Excuse me.

For some reason I feel I must act immature due to one's ignorance. To assist with their understanding.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 10:41 am
@maxdancona,
yeah, everything's just awesome.
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 10:43 am
yeah, I've listened this song before also. What do you want to suggest by this?
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 12:21 pm
listen guys, I have solved out the matter. He has agreed not to touch me. He wants no hugs and kisses because he feels he may lose his control after kissing me. He said it was too much to ask but he will respect my decision as he loves me. He said he wants me to stay in his life and he will do anything to save this relation even if it costs him pain. He loves me very much. I am very happy and relaxed now. Thank you all! Smile
0 Replies
 
Sweet Katy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 03:29 pm
@jespah,
You are correct. That's what we have decided. We will hangout only at public places. We both don't want to end this relationship due to this rubbish thing. He said if I am doing it for my parents he has no objection as my parents are at a higher priority. So it all went smoothly. We made the agreement. Thank you.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 06:08 pm
@Sweet Katy,
He is an experienced man - he has had sexual relationships before. He is 17 - at the peak of his sexual tension.

Yet, he says he will honor your commitment to your parents and not seek ANY physical contact with you, agreeing to only meet you in public places.

H-m-m. I wonder how long he will keep this up.

I think you should find another 17 year old boy who is at the same level as you, experience wise and committed to family the same.
 

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