have feelings for a profesor since 3 years, advice needed

you are normal and there is nothing wrong in your feelings - different subject is if there would be something wrong in eventual actions.

thank you
but is there a way for me to get over all this feelings. should I see a psychology in college? be straight out is this man at age 56 will never like me, but it hurt me to live like this you know. lately it getting worst, I am doing things I should not do: like: I went to his office hours to visit him and talk to him on PURPOSE, or I would PURPOSELY look for class that he teach and get into his class just to see him, it gonna get out of hand if it keep continue, I need to stop this. my friends tell me , at my age am suppose to enjoy life and meet new people not putting my whole brain and time over some 56 year olds guy. But to me it worth it, since I have no other feelings for anyone except this professor. Guys ask me out but I reject them, some how I don't find those guys attractive, I find a guy old enough to be my father attractive. I am really scare that other people in college going to know and going to treat me like a crazy person. I really want to stop this and just live a normal live, but somehow I cannot, it been tearing me up, and it got worser as time goes by. Is there a way for me to get rid of this feelings am having for my profesor?

well I think that you said well enough everything that you should and everything you shouldn't do - it has nothing to do that this person is your professor or someone 56 years old - same would be if that's someone of your age and you are sure that he will never like you - if you are sure of course - maybe first step is to actually realize fully that he will never like you because it's quite possible that you know that as a probable fact, but haven't fully accepted it.

It's also fact that sometimes in your life you really may regret that when you were 21 you haven't enjoyed your life to full. Maybe you should accept some of invitations you get and see what happens - it does not mean that you will fall in love with one of these guys, but you will also not have terrible time. What's wrong in going out? And maybe, if you allow him, someone will actually succeed in getting your attention and eventually feelings.
Even if not, this way you will probably make step forward towards time when you will be more open to other people.

Also, maybe you are thinking too much about some other problems that are actually not very important - maybe you should stop thinking that he is 56, and that he is your proffesor - think of him completely generally as of someone you like but, as you said, will never like you. Because your problem is in fact that you can't let go love for person that does not love you, and not fact that he is 56 or that he works on your college.
And when you realize that you'll realize that everybody was in that situation at least once in his or her life.

As for psychologists, that's again up to you. Maybe you can solve all these feelings/problems by your own. If you feel that you can't there's nothing wrong with going to see someone that might help and is proffesional in that area.

College is a time for meeting new people, generally in your age group, and experiencing new things. I'm not talking so much about relationships as I am about experiencing different world views. The person who enters college as a freshman is rarely the same as the one who graduates. And that's all for the good, but you will not get there if you do nothing but moon over your professor who, as you are well aware, is unreachable.

Besides, how is this affecting your education? You say you're taking classes simply because he offers them - I assume that's not because you want to take those classes, or that they are requirements for graduation or for your major, or that they will help you find a job. With all due respect, that is the height of foolishness and a supreme waste of time and money.

You should be taking classes that you enjoy and that are helpful or required for your major or for graduation or for you finding a job or going to grad school once you're done with school. If, let's say, your professor friend only teaches accounting, and your talents lie in being a French teacher, you're building up a lot of wasted credits. Even if you get an accounting minor out of it (which would really be the only way to turn lemons into lemonade), it's not going to help much in terms of becoming a French teacher, getting accredited and finding work.

College will end, I assume in a year or so, but your career will stretch for something like 40 years after that. You need to buckle down and start thinking about the longer term, and not in terms of how much you like being around this unattainable guy.

Hey, we've all been there. Being obsessed with someone unattainable is often a sign that you're not emotionally ready to deal with a real relationship, that's all. And there's nothing wrong with that. All of us have those periods of time in our lives. It will pass.

Obsession can be a hard nut to crack, though. Perhaps seeing a counselor would help. Whenever you get yourself into a spot and it occurs to you that counseling might be a good idea, it generally is.

am not crazy, i know what am doing, it not that am not ready for a relationship, the point is that I don't have feelings for other guys, I don't want to date other guy because it kind of not fair for them, when I just go out with them just for fun and not actually like the guy. thank you for all you guys advice, you right, the problem it me. I admit it, it me that don't want to let it go.
About the class, am not that desperate. The class that I take that he teach is in my major and it require. Am an engineer major, he an engineer professor. It just that sometimes if I have a choice to choose between 2 professor teaching that engineer class, I always choose him.
And am doing good in college, I have a 3.7 GPA, I don't think I am at the point where I cannot think school work just because of this professor.
I can concetrate in school stuff and be able to do fine on test. It just that when am alone, I tend to think of him alot. And it just that am not willing to except anyone in my life at all and am not willing to look for anyone else neither.
I just hope this go away, living like this is kind of hard on me for 3 years, it is a phrase or something? I hope this feelings for my professor not going to last for the rest of my life.

Questions--

Welcome to A2K.

Your problem could be described as "Unrequited Love" or, less dramatically, as a "crush".

Is your crush getting in the way of a full college experience? Your grades are good. You have friends to talk the situation over with (and I'll get back to them in just a minute). You seem clear in your own mind that you are not interested right now in an attainable love of your own generation.

Your friends mean well and have your best interests at heart as they see your best interests. What is "right" for them may not be ideal for you. People of your age group are often unable to appreciate the broad range of "normal" behavior.

If your crush is bothering you, drop into the Student Health Services and make an appointment (probably free) to talk to one of the counselors there. My guess--and it is only a guess--that your problem is one of perspective rather than one of unrequited love.

Engineering is still a male oriented profession. After graduation you'll have a chance to meet lots of men--if you choose to pursue love and marriage. Being single is a perfectly normal state.

Good luck.

Re: have feelings for a profesor since 3 years, advice neede
Older men, especially those in a "position of power," can be very charismatic. Your feelings will fade eventually, sooner if you don't feed and nurture them.







And the paddleball game. And this ashtray.

questions, this is what guys (especially college guys) usually PREFER! :-) If you surveyed a bunch of 21-year-olds and asked, "Would you rather go on a date with a girl who was A) just looking for a fun time, or B) looking for a serious relationship?", I'd guess 80% would answer "A". Go for it! Have fun!

A "crush" rarely lasts as long as 3 years. It's possible she's developed more of an obsession, and may subconsciously be holding on to this to avoid getting involved with guys her own age. Something to think about, anyway. Counseling might help her sort it out.

Soz is right about the guys, btw. That's all they want...fun. And what's wrong with fun?!

sozobe is correct, as ususal.

And, I might add, an awful lot of 56-yr old men wouldn't mind having a 'fun time' with a 21-yr old (but that might be all they're interested in, so be careful).

questions, you are projecting feelings on a man you don't have a relationship with, and that can be a slippery road towards obsession. I agree, go out and have some fun because, you just never know. Remember, feelings often grow through familiarity.

I don't see how can my feelings for my professor is consider a obsession.
I have a 3.7 GPA and is in the Dean Honor List for the past 3 years of my college year, that proof that my feelings for him DO NOT interfere with my school work and I am still can able to concentrate in school.
As for psychology, I don't see how this can be help? What can a psychology help me with in here if it me that is the person that don't want to let my feelings go.
Isn't obssesion is like when you can't eat, can't sleep, stalk that person, drop out of college, cannot concentrate over anything because of that person, that call obssession. But I don't do those stuff, I am able to maintain a 3.7 GPA and pass all my class with at least a B, A, then how can my feelings be obssesion?
I might think of more that am a hard head, not willing to let go when I know that he don't like me, but I don't see anything wrong with just think about him, as long as me and him DON'T get involve then it should be fine, just that I have to be the one that suffer.

question you are mentioning the worst and the most negative things connected with obssesion. You can be obssesed in a way that it doesn't harm anyone then yourself, and you can still be on high level of "normality" so that this obssesion does not reflect in a way that you don't eat, learn or sleep.

I am NOT saying that you are obssesive, I am just saying that if you continue to dream about someone you can't have (that's what you said yourself) it may be a certain kind of obssesion - that harms you because you don't have normal social life.

You are obviusly not unstable person so that all your life falls apart because of that crush, but I really think that it's enough if you allow yourself to be without one important part of life. Once again, I am NOT considering you as a person under obssesion, but I do think that you are acting wrong. And, actually, you think that to, because otherwise you wouldn't posted it on forum, right?

It bothers you, it definitely bothers you, so you should try to find a way out of it - go out with other guys, have fun, see what will happen...you DON'T have to suffer, at least not more then every single one of us "suffered" at least once in life

The fact that you are suffering at all here indicates obsession, questions. Obsession isn't necessarily an all or nothing thing, only in extreme cases. If you want to suffer, and you don't plan on getting involved with the professor, then fine. Finish your degree and move on. However, at some point, you will need to move on, and put your suffering to rest.

YOu say I don't have a normal social life? what do you mean?
I do have alot of friends, mention they are girls, we do go out, talks alot, and have fun with each other every day in school. I think that consider as a normal social life isn't it?
Are you saying that if I have feelings for my professor instead of other guys that are my own age then that consider me as not normal social life?
AM just curious, maybe someone can help me with this question, what is the law right now for a college student and a college professor to have a relationship?
I see many professor do marry their student once that girl is graduate, but isn't that still illegal because that girl was once his student in his class long time ago, even though she graduate, but she still has him for a class when she was in college, so isn't that illegal?
What you guys view on teacher-student relationship, or like doctor and patient? I thought if they are over 18 and it consensual then I don't see why can they fall in love?

okey I'll rephrase - by being desperately in love for years with someone you alone say has no feelings for you, you don't have FULL social life.

I can answer you on your second question as well, but that will probably not mean a lot because I am not from USA. And I don't understand a lot of things in USA and I think (but that's just my opinion, and I acknowledge that we are different) that there are way way too many unnecessary rules in your society. In Croatia it's illegal for professor to have a relationship with student under 18, as well as it's illegal to anyone adult to have relationship with minor. When they are both adults some or many people may think that it's strange or weird but he will not lose his job or go to jail for that. If you are 21 and he is 56 you are both adults and it's only up to you two what will you do with your lifes...
I am sure lot of Americans will argue with that and I respect that

Those rules are pretty much standard in the US and Canada too, MyOwnUserName.

question--

Are you personally worried about your unrequited love for this professor or are you worried about what your friend say about your unrequited love for this professor.

Universities are getting more and more strict about any sort of social relationship between a faculty member and a student. Dating you before you graduate would probably get your professor fired--with a very large, ugly, indelible black mark for the rest of his life. His professional colleagues would snicker about "old so and so who can't keep his pants zipped". His family, of course, would literally be destroyed.

The assumption would be that your professor had abused a position of power--and I think the assumption would be right.

For your entire career you would be followed by rumors that you'd slept your way to your grade average and to your professional postings.

In faculty/student relationships, unrequited love is an excellent idea.