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Is it possible to connect when you meet through e-mail?

 
 
ossobuco
 
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Reply Fri 30 Apr, 2004 09:11 pm
I dunno, Gala, if at this point he doesn't like reasonable expectations of meeting mentioned nicely, then wha??

My own take when I first read this thread was that he might have had a date... and wondered how it would go. He hasn't actually met you, and he may have met Friday.

Well, or... maybe he is meeting avoidant. (NEW WORD!)

Gee, just ask him.

If he shines you on, you know. If he doesn't, then you have some groundwork established for straightforwardness.
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cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Apr, 2004 09:21 pm
I don't have any wise suggestions on this issue, but it seems to me that any way two people meet is inconsequential as to how, why, and when a relationship develops into something more serious. I have friends all around this globe I can truly call my friend. I have met some in person, and some we have exchanged photos - but for the purpose of 'friendship.' Some are women and some are men. I've been happily married for forty years, and too committed to my spouse to even consider seeking anything more serious with another woman. I have also found that many of the people I have met on A2K turned out to be fantastic people in person, and include them in my circle of friends. You can interpret this for what it's worth to you.
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Fri 30 Apr, 2004 10:38 pm
Echoing CI, with smile to mrs. CI.
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Misti26
 
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Reply Fri 30 Apr, 2004 10:45 pm
Push the "meeting face to face issue" ...............

I corresponded online for 3 years with a face up north .. he was always going to come down to Florida to meet me, but it never happened. He broke my heart, and my spirit .......... so now, take it to the extreme, which is what I expect he doesn't expect!
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JoanneDorel
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 01:11 am
Yes, Gala you are right there was no chemistry in real life it was only a cyber attraction. However, Iwill probably not invest to much in any relationship with a person I meet on line again.
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Gala
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 08:26 am
misti, perhaps he broke your heart and spirit... temporarily. i just don't picture you as someone who stays down for too long.
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Gala
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 08:39 am
ossobuco... yes the thought that he is bonking or seeing someone else has crossed my mind. and, my feeling is that he has every right to do so. that doesn't bother me, because, for goodness sake, we haven't even met yet.

between me and this guy, (with thanks to the counsel and support to all of you in this forum) the time has come for me to test my Girl-Power. i will find out soon enough if he is sincere, or just dabbling. because, if he can't get it together, i'm not interested in having an e-mail corrrspondence, it simply does not live up to being face-to-face.
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ehBeth
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 09:05 am
Before Setanta and I met in person, we talked about our friendship. He told me we'd be friends whatever happened. I believed it then, and I believe it now. If I hadn't thought we were friends first, I wouldna even wanted to push (for the meeting).

Like c.i., I've made quite a number of good friends through initially meeting online, and then meeting in person. There are definitely a few people that I can't imagine not having in my life now. I'm glad I met them - online and in person.

Gala, if you're friends, and you're both ready to meet - all it takes is one person to put the idea out there.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 09:08 am
not that putting the idea out on the table isn't scary. it is.


Even calling the first time can be emotional, twittery-feeling-making. Making the first call (dialing a partial number a few times), or waiting for the phone to ring ... yikes ... what will they sound like? will they be as witty/thoughtful/goofy/wonderful without the distance and time to type out their thoughts?
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Gala
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 10:47 am
thanks ebeth, you're so right. and thanks for talking about how nerve racking the intitial phone contact can be. it goes in levels. for instance, my first concern was, can this person write a decent e-mail and does he have a sense of humor? then my next concern, ha, was what if when he sends a picture and he he has a mullet. then, when those fears were not founded i moved on to imagining that he may have an unappealing voice...to sum it up, he's has a good sense of humor, he's ice looking and has a really good voice...

but the friends part is a really good gauge, truly.
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JoanneDorel
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 11:23 am
I believe in friendship as well, a good friend is more important. However the two fellows who promished friendship no matter what backed out of that. I personally think that they would agree to friendship only as a means to get a sexual relationship.

That is why I claim fault as I was not able to see that aspect and my trust was abused. So now I am just a friend to any male I interact with on line and no more.

It would take a lot to convince me that the net is a good place to meet men. Although I do know of some have had sucess such as Betheh, her friend and lover is an honorable guy.
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urs53
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 11:56 am
Interesting thread. My friend Nicole met a man in a chatroom, they also were on the phone for hours. After a while she thought it did not work out and told him that she wanted to end it. He drove three hours to appear at her door and demand that she told him this to his face. She absolutely fell for him. Three months later she moved to his hometown, bought a piece of land there, they planned a house... Well, after a while she found out that he can write wonderful, poetic emails, she can talk to him on the phone for hours - but he is not made for a real relationship. He is still a good friend for her.

Then she met another guy in a chatroom. They met in person very soon after that and she said he was the love of her life. Today, six months later, she says she still loves him but he has so many problems of his own that it is extremely difficult for her.

I met a couple of people through A2K who I consider to be very good friends and meeting them in person was great. I can very well imagine having friends that I have not met - but a 'relationship', hm, I don't know.

Let us know what's happening, Gala!
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Gala
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 05:16 pm
joanne, good for you, nonetheless, for opening your heart to the possibilities. the litmus test for that friendship is when the guy is willing to get to know you while letting the physical element of the relationship unfold slowly. yeah, sure he may be chomping at the bit for some action, but he's good enough to respect your needs.
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Gala
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 05:24 pm
thanks, urs, i will let you know what unfolds. your story about your friend is interesting. she sounds like she's very open to experiencing what comes her way, disapointments and all.
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cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 05:34 pm
I think some disappointments are the natural growth experience for most people when trying to find a life partner. Even after we find the best one when young, we grow at different rates and interests, and there is the possibility that you end up not really knowing each other - especially when both have a demanding career, and they put all their energies into work rather to home needs. I think most people do not know how to balance career and home. Japan is one of the worst cultures in this regards. Most men do not know his own family, because he leaves all the home responsibilities and the children to the wife/mother.
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Gala
 
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Reply Sat 1 May, 2004 05:52 pm
c.i., yes indeed. the disappointments are part of the package.

there is always that gray area with the wrong person, they have good characteristics and that's what you focus on.
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Misti26
 
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Reply Fri 7 May, 2004 10:13 pm
Meeting in real life has complications too ... and disappointments! If you meet someone out in a bar/pub, and they pretend to be someone they're not, what's the difference when you meet them online, and they pretend to be someone they're not?

You never know someone until you live with them!
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kickycan
 
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Reply Sat 8 May, 2004 12:47 am
Okay, I just found this thread and I want to know what happened! It's been a week now! Come on, Gala, the suspense is killing us! Smile
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 May, 2004 01:32 am
I am supposed to meet a girl tomorrow who I talked to first on an internet dating site.

In my internet dating experience so far, it's been a good way to meet random people who you will not know at all in three months. So I've gotten exactly what I wanted so far.

Now I'm going to try to find something more substantial and see where that gets me. Hey, anything's possible, right?

For some reason though, it just seems so strange to meet someone online. It feels like you're selling yourself on e-bay or something. Smile
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Gala
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 May, 2004 05:33 am
kicky, you're avatar looks like he's the type of guy who would have a one night-stand with some chic, and just when they are parting, he'd ask to borrow ten bucks.

...ok, yeah, well, it turned out well- i sent the message, he responded with a kind of lame and ambivalent excuse saying " i am interested, but the distance is a problem", and then he went on to put up other obstacles about our differences: he living in the rural north, me in big city. he even took this lameness so far as to highlight the preponderance of bugs, Bugs, i tell you, as a reason for my potentially not being able to adapt to the wilderness...

lame-o-rama. and then he called. i asked him why the blankity-blank would he even bother to have this exchange that has been going on for months, only to say, er, ah, er, geez, it's a longshot...

but here is the good part, i called him a major dork and he laughed. i called him an eco-radical-snob, and he laughed some more. see, he's an organic farmer. what a stinkin' relief that he has a sense of humor about it all.
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