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Wife Travels Alone for Pleasure

 
 
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 09:53 am
One of the reasons my Ex- and I divorced was he didn't like my traveling alone. I traveled for the enjoyment of it, not for business, and I did this 2-5 times a year, and these trips lasted from 3 days to about 10 days. He seemed to think I might have been "up to something" on these trips, but I never gave him reason to think so except a few times when I couldn't call him and got up in very late in the mornings. He was always accusing me of flirting with men. He was one of those types that believe merely touching someone's arm a few times is indicative of a sexual interest in that person. My question is: Do you believe a spouse traveling alone for pleasure is not for married people? And would it be a good reason to get a divorce?
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 10:03 am
@Darlene1974,
Quote:
Do you believe a spouse traveling alone for pleasure is not for married people?

Yeah, I personally wouldn't like my spouse doing it.
Quote:
And would it be a good reason to get a divorce?

No
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 10:51 am
@Darlene1974,
My sister travels on vacation 4-6 weeks at a time without her husband. He also travels alone. It doesn't seem to affect their relationship. This would not work in my marriage. Different needs and personalities I guess. Talk about it...don't let resentment build.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 11:14 am
My husband and I traveled well together; I don't think we had any dustups while traveling in all those years. Once in a while we traveled separately to go to conferences the other could do without going to and had other stuff to do (like work); once or twice I visited old friends and he stayed home. I consider myself lucky. I was always the one to propose trips, short or long ones, as he would naturally stay home if it was up to him to think of travel. His only travel in childhood with family was not remember as fun, so that is how he started out; for me, only child, travel was wondrous. Once we did set out on, say, a five day trip, he liked it as much as I did, full of ideas of what to go see next, let's see go that way to check out that road... Later, on longer trips, if anything it was even better.

So my husband didn't hate travel, once he got out the door, but I can imagine there could be a discrepancy between mates on the issue, one liking it and one hating it. I see nothing wrong on traveling separately, even if both like travel as people have different interests. The question is trust. You have it, or you don't.
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 12:15 pm
@ossobuco,
You're absolutely right, Osso.

Hubby and I travel together often. He also travels alone on business a lot. I sometimes travel alone, often to see friends. It's all good.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 12:51 pm
@ossobuco,
I don't think your wrong but... There are those who don't enjoy the prolonged physical separation. It has nothing to do with trust. People have different needs.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 01:22 pm
@Germlat,
Certainly sometimes the discomfort has to do with trust. Consider reading the original post-question in this thread.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 01:27 pm
@ossobuco,
Yeah but...she has baggage from an ex
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 07:35 pm
@Darlene1974,
My wife went to Russia, China, and some country in the Scandanavian lobes (I forget which0, in order to study some kind of native textiles. I was happy for her to go and learn and I sure as hell don't like travelling over a day to get somewhere. We travel together as well. I don't travel myself for plessure cause I had to do enough of that fro business and I always managed to save a few days or more in order to see the local stuff.

Uncontrolled jealousy is like uncontrolled partisanship, its stupid, Im sure he understood it was stupid , but it was something that he couldn't control in himself. There are guys who trust their wived because they love em and they are, in turn, loved.

Find someone like that.

Although, if you seem to be taking A LOT of these trips by yourself, is there some reason you and he were never amenable to traveling as a couple?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 07:57 pm
@Darlene1974,
Sounds like your ex had some jealousy problems that were just made more noticeable by your travel.

I used to travel alone for pleasure. Now travel doesn't interest me much. I've never had a partner who expressed a concern about my independent travel. Maybe they knew I wouldn't much care or maybe they understood that need to be alone/independent in me before things got serious.

If you like to travel alone, a good well-matched partner for you will understand and appreciate that about you.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 07:58 pm
@Darlene1974,
Darlene1974 wrote:
He seemed to think I might have been "up to something" on these trips,

He was always accusing me of flirting with men.

He was one of those types that believe merely touching someone's arm a few times is indicative of a sexual interest in that person.

And would it be a good reason to get a divorce?



his jealousy could well have been a good reason for a divorce
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 08:23 pm
@Darlene1974,
Darlene1974 wrote:

Do you believe a spouse traveling alone for pleasure is not for married people?

There is nothing wrong with an independent spouse.

Quote:
And would it be a good reason to get a divorce?

If the nontraveling spouse is so bloody immature he/she can't handle it then yes. The two clearly shouldn't be married.
0 Replies
 
Darlene1974
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 09:49 am
@Darlene1974,
Well, having read these posts, I have a few more details that might be relevant. He didn't trust me much because I admit that at parties I didn't want to be a wall-flower and just sit around next to my husband. I liked to enjoy myself talking to other men. My husband called my style "flirting," and it was but I totally disagreed that it was bad of me -- it was totally innocent and fun. Yes, my husband would see me as I talked to one man for hours, complimented him, touched the man's arm now and again, even placed and kept a hand on his shoulder, or patted his cheek as I said good-bye. My husband just assumed I was doing these things in his absence, and so I might have done (why should I not?), but flirting like that didn't mean I would cheat on him! I admit I never have especially liked talking about my private feelings or my personal history with anyone, not even my husband. I don't feel the need to, and besides, just because both of us had had cheating troubles in the distant past, didn't mean it was still relevant, that I should have behaved like a poor person and stayed home and not traveled by myself. I guess it was a matter of trust, and he didn't trust me.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 11:35 am
@Darlene1974,
Quote:
both of us had had cheating troubles in the distant past

I feel sorry for the both of you
That's the last comment I'll make on this thread
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 11:39 am
@panzade,
As Pan says. Ive wasted more time reading this thread. You both need growing up. Bye.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 12:32 pm
@Darlene1974,
Travel as much as you like, he doesn't own you and it's none of his business.
Tell him to stop acting like a jailer or the next time you leave you won't be coming back..Smile
0 Replies
 
egor74
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 10:58 am
My wife of 18 years has only recently started traveling alone, to "far away" places. Last year Vegas, now Cancun and Nashville in July. Neither of us have ever traveled apart (with the exception of business or school locally) Our "family vacations" have always involved traveling to family within a 12 hour radius. I have never been able to plan a luxurious trip to Mexico, or Las Vegas because my wife never liked these destinations. Too hot, too far, too expensive etc. Now she is planning trips that I can't join her on, to the exact places I've always wanted to go. I'm writing to say that even though I have agreed to these trips (unwillingly) that yes, a divorce has crossed my mind. I sit writing this the day before she leaves for Cancun. I am heartbroken, jealous, confused as to how she could go without us (12 year old daughter), angry, even numb. I could never do a relaxation trip, to another country without my wife. My most valued memories are of those trips with my girls, the thought of having fun without either of them would kill me. Keep in mind, I trust my wife with my heart and infidelity has never crossed my mind.
To me, this is telling me she wants a different life now. We've talked, she's seen the emotional roller-coaster this is putting me on yet she continues and I ask myself "is this a sign it's time for a divorce?" There of course is much more to the story, and her view too. Although upon asking why she keeps going, she has no true answer except she deserves it?
Theres my two bits, divorce is warranted under such circumstances.

PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 11:08 am
By "alone" do you mean without you? Or without ANY other people?

I have traveled alone but met up with people I knew.



0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 12:06 pm
@egor74,
This is definitely odd. When you suggested Las Vegas and Mexico, she didn't want to go and now she goes alone and leaves you and kids at home. Is she paying this from a joint account?

Traveling alone is no big deal, if the one partner has no time and/or doesn't like the destination. Dto. for seeing friends, business trips and what not, but taking a family vacation so to speak without the family, would be a problem for me.

While traveling together you make memories together, you share most interesting adventures together and you can talk about them and reminisce in later years. It's part of being a couple.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Apr, 2015 12:14 pm
If you dont like your mate enough to want to see the world with them then why would you be with them in the first place? And ten days? No way for me.
0 Replies
 
 

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