@JeanAwesome156,
Quote:It's not just my age, it's the fact that I had a full hysterectomy and was thrown into menopause. I'm also, on about a dozen other meds for major depression and panic disorder so they could be partially to blame also.
You certainly have had your share of significant heath problems which might also impact your sexual functioning. And medications, such as the ones you are taking, can certainly contribute to a loss of libido.
Quote:The Challenge of Antidepressant Medication and Intimacy
Sex -- and satisfaction with your sex life -- is an important part of the lives of most adults. But having a satisfying sex life may be a challenge for those who take antidepressants.
While sexual dysfunction is a frequent symptom of depression itself (and successful treatment of depression may eliminate it), antidepressant medication can sometimes worsen or even cause sexual problems. In fact, sexual dysfunction is a potential side effect of all classes of antidepressants.
Between 30% and 70% of people who take antidepressant medications experience sexual problems, which can begin within the first week to several months after starting treatment. Antidepressant-related sexual dysfunction can affect almost any aspect of your sex life. In men, it frequently causes erectile dysfunction (the inability to achieve or sustain an erection), and in women, antidepressants may cause vaginal dryness and decreased sensation in the genitals. In both genders, antidepressants can diminish sex drive and make achieving orgasm difficult or impossible.
Sexual dysfunction due to any cause, including antidepressants, can have effects that range far beyond the bedroom, including psychological distress and a decrease in self-esteem and overall quality of life. This causes many people to stop taking their antidepressant medication. Up to 90% of people who experience antidepressant-related sexual dysfunction stop taking their medication prematurely. Fortunately, you can regain your sex life without stopping your medication and risking your symptoms worsening. For example:
• Choose a medication with a low rate of sexual side effects – Wellbutrin, Remeron, or Cymbalta.
• Change the time of day you take the medication.
• Reduce the dosage.
• Take a short break or “drug holiday.”
•Add another medication to combat sexual dysfunction.
• Follow a healthy lifestyle.
http://www.johnshopkinshealthalerts.com/alerts/depression_anxiety/JohnsHopkinsDepressionAnxietyHealthAlert_3390-1.html?ET=johnshopkins_blog:e36823:166218a:&st=email&st=email&s=EDH_100317_005
I can't imagine why anyone would be on "about a dozen" meds to treat major depression and panic disorder, and that does seem rather excessive. Have these all been prescribed by a board certified psychiatrist who knows you well? If you are now functioning without symptoms of clinical depression and anxiety perhaps this list of meds needs to be reconsidered. For your general well-being, I think you might need to review your meds with a qualified psychiatrist to see whether all of those drugs are still really necessary for adequate mood stabilization, and whether some could be eliminated or the dosage reduced, or an alternative type of treatment might be beneficial. Sometimes medications get automatically renewed rather than more fully reviewed.
I'm not sure whether you are particularly distressed about the loss of libido and lack of sexual pleasure you are experiencing. If you are, you should speak with a doctor about it, and you should try exploring methods of self-stimulation, to see if there is anything that you can do to enhance your sexual arousal and provide you with more pleasurable sensations. This may be easier to do without the distraction and demands of your partner because you can just focus on your body and how it reacts. Then you can guide your partner in more effective ways of stimulating you.
If you're not overly distressed about your diminished sexual functioning, and are willing to accept or live with it, and your husband can accept it as well, that's fine, it's a decision you are both entitled to make. Unfortunately, that's not exactly the decision you seem to have made. By agreeing to exclusively engage in sexual behaviors you neither enjoy receiving nor giving, you are really leaving your husband out of a decision process he really is entitled to be a part of. You are using deception, and concealing your dislike of your sexual practices, ostensibly to show your love for your husband, but you're actually doing it to get this marital "chore" over and done with as quickly as possible. Is that kind of basic dishonesty really going to help your marriage over the long haul?
Your husband's "pouting" when you deny him sexual contact is something you are actually facilitating by not being more honest with him--he thinks you find your sexual contacts with him pleasurable, so, when you deny him contact, he sees you as withholding and he reacts with disappointment and mild anger, which is what pouting is all about. What your husband apparently doesn't know is that, even when you are "willing", you are engaging in a distasteful "chore"--and that's why his pouting rankles you even more, because, from your perspective, it's sort of like he's rubbing salt into a wound. You're already doing something for him that you really don't want to do, and now he's acting resentful because you're not doing it more often, and that's what's getting to you about his pouting.
I think you have to be more honest with your husband about your dislike of sex. You have to give him the opportunity to be a part of finding a better solution to this problem--he's your life partner, and he should be a partner in this situation, but you're excluding him from being able to do that.
Given your current lack of sexual desire and interest, your sexual contacts with your husband should focus on your giving him sexual pleasure and satisfaction, but only in ways that are truly agreeable to you. If stimulating him manually is less distasteful to you than oral sex, then you've got to try that. And if you really don't want him to try to stimulate, or arouse, or satisfy you, you've got to make that clear. Let everything exclusively focus on his arousal and satisfaction. But you really have to allow your husband to be your partner in seeking a solution that will be more mutually satisfactory for both of you, and that can't happen if you continue to keep him in the dark about how you really feel, or if you continue to engage in sexual behaviors you are bound to feel resentful about.
Show your husband you love him in other ways, with affectionate physical contact like hugs and kisses throughout the day, or by holding hands with him when you're out walking, or by surprising him with small gestures or things you know he likes--but don't do it by being deceptive about your sexual feelings. You're not protecting his feelings by doing that, you're just shutting him out of yours.
I think your husband's "pouting" is the least of your problems. You really need to work together to find a more satisfactory solution to his sexual needs, so that your sexual interactions are less of a burden and a chore in your life, and more of a time when you can wholeheartedly give and share with other.
