Hubby pouts when I say "no" to sex

At this point in my life (52 yrs old) I'd even turn ole George down! LOL

Seems like you need to talk to your husband as well as your doctor. You are far too young to feel like just 'want to get it over with'.

Exactly! It's a chore for me that I just have to live with. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do.

Not funny Frank! I always give it to him the very next day. He's not missing out on anything except his choice in the timing once in a while.
Jeannie

that's 25% of the time

do you ever enjoy sex with your husband?

It sounds like he's missing out on a partner who really looks forward to having sex with him. That's a pretty big thing IMNSHO

Thank-you Romeo! My husband is impotent, sadly. Not that I'd enjoy it more if he wasn't. We use oral sex as our way of showing each other our love, and of course getting satisfaction. My problem is that I don't enjoy giving it, nor receiving it. I would not enjoy intercourse at all either. I'm past menopause, and my hormone replacement therapy can't be any stronger because I've had a stroke. In fact, I sought out a doctor who didn't know about my stroke (and then didn't tell him about it) just so I could get HRT to help me out. So, I'm raising my chances of having another stroke just by taking it in the first place. So, I feel that I'm doing my best (and probably too much) to be in the mood just to endure sex. And yes, my husband knows about my risk of stroke on HRT. What else can I do?
Jeannie

But he really is a wonderful man in all other aspects! I love him very much and wish I could make him and myself both happy, but all I can do is satisfy him the next day, unless of coarse I just do it and get it over with. Am I just aweful?
Jeannie

Anytime I deny him sex I initiate it the very next day.

you can talk to doc and hubby

there are a lot of resources out there for people with all sorts of health limitations who want to experience sexual pleasure with their partner

I'm not trying to be accusatory. I'm describing an act, what he's doing. I know what he's feeling. Snubbed.

Thank-you! Please read the other posts I've made today.
Jeannie

Thank-you Bill!

I plan to weigh in on this, must reread.

Gird your loins for my opinion, which may be verbose.

edit - I'm a woman and not hostile, smiles.

Ah, I said I'd come back and post.

Ok, back to review -

Looking at the first post:

What should I do about my husband pouting when I don't feel like having sex? We've been married for a year and a half, and all this time I've just been quiet about it and ignored his pouting. But, I feel like he's trying to make me feel guilty and I don't think I should have to feel that way.
What should I do? Should I continue to ignore it? If I say something, what could I say that won't hurt his feelings? He's very sensitive.


I don't even get that a husband just can assume you're interested.

You may be very tired, you may not feel sexy, you may be worried about tomorrow at work, or all the accumulating bills.
You also may be woken up with his touch, and start to flame.
In my own experience I think I was only not interested once and that had to do with some kind of health thing. I didn't mind being woken up, there is a sexiness to that.

So, on reading your question, I figure you are dealing with a you pump em we slab em type, a man with no finesse re women.

That could be wrong, but makes sense.

Some kind of estimation that wives owe husbands open channels alla time, are the rest of you kidding?

OK, that was just on the first question.

Is he impotent when you have oral sex, or is his problem limited to intercourse? Is there a cause of his impotence?

Then I'm not sure you should be doing that, certainly not as your regular or main form of sex with your husband. The two of you have to find some form of intimacy that's more mutually satisfying, but that will never happen unless you're more honest and open with him. I know you're afraid of hurting his feelings, but wouldn't he be more hurt to know that you consider your current sex with him "a chore" that you want to be over as quickly as possible? By not being more honest with him, you're depriving him of the opportunity to find ways of giving you some real pleasure, even if that's just by holding, and stroking, and kissing you, with no pressure to do anything for him in return, except what you spontaneously want to do.

What makes you so sure that's the case? Did you enjoy intercourse in the past, with other partners?

So? That means you're too old to experience any sexual desire, or sensual pleasure, or any sort of sexual satisfaction? Come on, JeanAwesome156, do you really believe that?

Sex drive can diminish after menopause, but it generally doesn't disappear completely. But it's not as easy as turning on a light switch, sometimes we have to find, and use, whatever helps to stimulate and arouse our sexual feelings, whether it's our own fantasies, or masturbating, or using a vibrator, or watching soft core porn, and just using whatever else helps us to feel a little sexier, even if it's just wearing a certain perfume . And you might need to experiment on your own, without your husband at first, to try to discover what might work for you. Mainly it's about feeling good about your body and the pleasure it can give you, and that doesn't have to be a raging passion, the goal should be to at least experience pleasurable sexual sensations, and to figure out what stimulates and enhances them for you. And 52 is definitely not too old for that. You just need to discover what will work for you, to achieve that, at this point in your life.

I don't think HRT is what you need, or should take, "to be in the mood just to endure sex," and it's obviously not helping you on that score. HRT is helpful in doing things like thickening the vaginal walls, so intercourse is less uncomfortable after menopause, but if you don't like oral sex, either giving it or receiving it, HRT is not going to help you enjoy it. It's not worth risking another stroke by taking HRT, particularly since that doesn't seem to address the source of the problem.

How about ditching the HRT and trying some other ways of "getting in the mood"--like candlelight, some wine, romantic music, and slow dancing in the living room with your husband, while exchanging kisses and nuzzling each other. Then take a shower together, wash each other, and towel each other dry. Use your imagination, girl. Think of ways of enhancing pleasurable physical closeness and intimacy, and arousal, whether or not these lead to sex immediately afterward. Have some fun with each other.

You and your husband both seem to be experiencing some form of sexual dysfunction. The solution you've arrived at is to satisfy him, but in a way you neither enjoy, nor look forward to, it's something you just endure and put up with, while deceiving him about your lack of pleasure. That's no solution. And I think you're upset about the whole arrangement, and not just his pouting when you say, "No."

Since this is a mutual problem, you and your husband really need to start talking about it. You need to try resolving it together so that this aspect of your marital life can be something you both enjoy. The way things are going now, you're both being deprived--your husband thinks he's giving you pleasure, when he really isn't, and you're too busy going through the motions to please him to make any sort of arousal or enjoyment on your part possible.

So, I think you need to start talking with your husband much more openly and you should try to move away from your usual sexual routine.

Try checking out, and maybe buying, some of the K-Y lubricants, or other products they make.
http://www.k-y.com/

Tell your husband you'd like to experiment with these products, and try just massaging each others bodies with the product they make for touch, and don't follow that with the usual oral sex--just enjoy the full body massage he gives you, and help your husband to enjoy his. On another occasion, try one of the lubricants and see if your husband can arouse you by stimulating your clitoris with it, in an unhurried way, and see if you can bring him to orgasm manually using one of the lubricants. Just strive for mutual enjoyment, whether or not you climax, and try to find some alternative method of satisfying your husband beside oral sex. That would be a start.

There are many different things that you and your husband can try to improve your sex life, and there books and info on the internet to offer you even more suggestions. It's a process of discovery--there is no one size fits all. If nothing seems to work, I'd suggest you and your husband consult a qualified sex therapist for some professional help. You and your husband are much too young to settle for, and be resigned to, a sexual relationship that really isn't doing much to enhance your marriage, or to bring you closer together, or to provide mutual physical satisfaction. This is a problem you have to tackle together, and a sex therapist is a more likely, and safer, form of help than HRT can provide.

Trust me, a pleasurable sex life is possible after menopause. Where there's a will, there's a way.

late 40's early 50's is sexual prime time for women, so if you think your age will work as an excuse you are very mistaken

Where do you get your information? Do you just make it up? Most studies indicate that a woman's sexual prime is generally in her 30's.

The early 50's are not exactly "sexual prime time" for women. All of the hormonal changes associated with menopause can, and often do, affect a woman's sexual functioning.


Sexual functioning after menopause seems to be a very individual matter that depends on many variables.

I don't think JeanAwesome156 is using her age as an excuse, she may be experiencing some real problems associated with menopause. And using HRT doesn't seem to be of much benefit to her.

But I think it is possible to find ways of overcoming many of these post-menopausal problems, and enhancing one's sexual functioning, and I think a great many women do succeed in doing that. A lot may depend on one's past experiences and sexual functioning, the general state of one's health and physical condition, and one's emotional state and attitude about this aspect of life.

JeanAwesome156's situation is also affected by her husband's sexual dysfunction, which apparently limits the type of sexual activity they can engage in. While that complicates matters somewhat, it clearly indicates they are both experiencing some sexual difficulties, and they need to address this problem together, as a couple, to find some solution which will make their sexual relationship more mutually satisfying.

I do think that 52 is way too young for a woman to give up on the possibility of ever having a satisfactory sex life again. It may not come as easily and naturally as it once did, and it may require more effort and experimentation on her part, and her husband's part as well, to find the sorts of stimulation or enhancements she now needs, but I think that motivation is a good part of being successful.

sampling. or did you forget that I am a swinger?

ya, I am familiar with the studies, and I dont believe them. Women might have more thoughts and be more easily aroused at young 30, but it is women much older than that who are the best in bed, and who are the most wild, from my experience. It is the older women who both have the skill and the willingness to please men.

Your personal experience hardly includes a random sample of women--most women over 50 are not "swingers".

Did it ever occur to you that post-menopausal women, who are experiencing a significant decrease in libido, and vaginal dryness and pain and discomfort, as a result of hormone changes, aren't out there "swinging"?

How do you see your comments as being helpful to JeanAwesome156, and her particular situation?