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My close cousin is acting like complete stranger and fake person towards me. It is pissing me off

 
 
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 02:00 pm
I am 17 years old boy, and i had a younger cousin(13) who lives in US and had met him several times. I had moved to US 1 year back from Europe last year and visited their family.

Whenever I meet my cousin, we hang out, talk a lot, play video games and outdoor games too. I had always considered him like my real brother (i don't have one) and much like my best friend.

But apart from when we meet, he never calls me. I always call him on his birthday, or if he is sick and sometimes randomly but he never ever calls back. I feel like he acts like a best pal ever when we meet and then i am no one. I feel it more like he does all that with me because he is bored.

I had heard that relations in america are sometimes shown to be really great on face (hugging,smiling etc), but in reality they do not really care. So my case is the same, he is same? I am really sensitive person and it feels like i am backstabbed by best buddy whom i trusted so much.

Should i let it pass, and move on with my life?

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 4,907 • Replies: 44

 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 02:22 pm
@Dylan007,
I'd say both: don't get all worked up about it, he is going through his own thirteen year old stuff right now, which you might not know anything about and he is being private. Or not that, he is just distracted with lots of other stuff, unless you are right there. He's finding out who he is in his mind, as happens with thirteen year olds.

Chances are good you can be some kind of friends for life, but don't push it, just be there for him if the occasion arises.

I'm a way older woman, and have had two close cousins, females. In our teens and up through our thirties, one was closer than the other, but that evened out over the years. The two of us who were most different in interests were just plain glad to be related. Then, way later, that one that had been closest shut both her sister and myself out, only wanting to deal with her own immediate family. It was all quite strange since sister and I couldn't figure out what triggered it all, we'd always been who we are back when she liked/loved us, but the one who wanted out of family get togethers or conversations by some kind of mail had become a psychology expert in attention deficit situations, and self regulated herself to not taking on more than she could deal with. She grew to be superorganized, and I figure her sister and I were the least of her changes.

So, these things aren't always about you, the one not getting full attention.
As it happens, I still love both cousins and all their children.

Also, seventeen and thirteen in the teens is quite a span of years, and that same span means just about nothing different as ages progress.
Don't be worrying. You have a cousin you actually like.


Edit - I didn't have any brothers or sisters and my family moved a lot, so I get you on that.
Dylan007
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 03:54 pm
@ossobuco,
Thanks, you might be right about it. Maybe its just age and little self centeredness as teen as i also remember my teen years. But even if he doesn't do it intentionally, i feel cheated and i think i must also move away from this cranny friendship and live my life?

If he does not like to call me, why should I get hurt over and over? What do you say?
mark noble
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 04:16 pm
@Dylan007,
Spot on m8.
The 'front' is indoctrinated.
These guys give not a toss unless on display.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  5  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 04:23 pm
@Dylan007,
My understanding is that Europe is very big on family (including extended family), and the US is not in a comparative ball park (re extended family)...but are very friendly people.

At 13 years of age your cousin will be much more in sync with his family culture, and society culture - ie. he may truly enjoy your visits and calls, but not think too much about you otherwise.

I doubt he's being fake about being friendly - and I doubt his parents contact their cousins much. It sounds like a combination of culture and age, more than anything else.
mark noble
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 04:35 pm
@vikorr,
Really?
An entire culture, developed on Fake..... Everything, and...nvm.
Waste of breath.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 04:55 pm
@vikorr,
nods
FOUND SOUL
 
  4  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 04:59 pm
@ossobuco,
I remember I adored my cousins, well 2 or so out of 23. And, when I saw them I had a ball. But, I never rang them or contacted them other wise, I was too young to even think like that.

By 15, whole different story.

He's 13 years of age, just working out what a teenager is and where to go from there.. Don't you remember being 13?
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:02 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
No - He's 17.
0 Replies
 
Dylan007
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:17 pm
@vikorr,
Yeps i agree that americans are good people, that's why in my postulation i said "Sometimes" Razz

I mean if your trust was broken by few people in new culture, you are suspicious of everyone. Right?

It pains a little that sometimes we just hug people and smile at them at family gathering and we hardly care for them. You just see their B'Day on facebook top and wish them. But my cousin, i always considered him as my real brother, my best buddy. I never wrote his B'day or anything important somewhere as i always had them in my memory.

But i just feel sad, of what's happening (i am confident its not this fault) but circumstances. I had shrewd idea even his parents don't understand our friendship. yes, his parents are kind of ignorant folks. Quite materialistic.
0 Replies
 
Dylan007
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:19 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
I know its different world, i never cared about things either. I don't blame him but the point is I am too much attached with this bond. I feel bad and the best way I find is to create a distance so that i can focus on my life. I mean studies, and everything in a new country. Seems to me, if a friendship is not carried equally and if it is special to you, its better to abandon it.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:20 pm
@Dylan007,
I say, don't worry about it.

Changes will happen.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  4  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:30 pm
@Dylan007,
You are being very dramatic to expect him to carry out a friendship equally.
Better to abandon it? drama, drama.

Fixating on a person to love you back, as a cousin or a lover, can be a lifetime poor choice.


Dylan007
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:33 pm
@ossobuco,
sorry
mark noble
 
  -3  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:36 pm
@Dylan007,
Only advice I can offer is - Never take a yank's advice.
Especially ossobucco's.
She has fkall to live for..........
Other than this 'ask an expert' site...

EXPERT???
Where?
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  4  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:39 pm
@Dylan007,
Don't be sorry, that's how you feel.

Talk back to me and the rest of us, it's fine.
Dylan007
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:46 pm
@ossobuco,
@mark noble

Razz

@ossobuco

Yeah, i don't want to be dramatic. My cousin is a free person, its not his fault nor its mine. If i had thought he was mean, i would have said that to him.

But even if it's no one fault, at the end of day i feel sad. I am kinda sensitive person, so i never pretend to be happy to met someone if i am not. If i care for someone and accept someone as my own, i do everything for them from my heart and even sacrifice some of my own pleasures and comfort for them.

So, if you do something for someone from heart and true spirit, it pains. I guess i must be little prudent and practical dealing with people rather than emotional.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 05:56 pm
@Dylan007,
Practically speaking, you probably need to gird your loins about a lot of people saying ugly stuff all over the city and country, that is the way of it.

The thing is to understand yourself and stand up for yourself, presumably verbally.
But also to talk and read about other people.

When I was around fifteen, everything was about me. Then, at sixteen, I worked in a hospital.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 06:00 pm
@ossobuco,
And Clearly...... Only your location changed.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Tue 23 Jul, 2013 06:04 pm
@Dylan007,
That was what I think is being dramatic, but your cousin may really be doing that.
Are you acting all look at me, me?
This isn't his key interest. It didn't mean he didn't like you in the first place, but now you might be making him avoid you.

The answer is to get to be interested in yourself and gain confidence in that.
0 Replies
 
 

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