The Canada Column

Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:40 pm
Subject: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Canada article
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 13:04:13 -0700
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Canada article

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is
neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one day
you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like
discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been
building an espresso machine.

Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include"freedom bacon, " because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian! doctors are
authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering
legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to
concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's
smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug.
Or, in the United States, bong!
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand.
These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada
has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be
heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually. )
They don't even have a death penalty! And yet nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent
crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Twinkies from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages.! ;
Merciful moose, what can they be thin ing? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man! )? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel!
We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our
stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much
of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep?
And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with
those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds
drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more
immigrants per capita than the United States. !
These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound. Like
teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that
everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (PA)
Author: Samantha Bennett
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:44 pm
oh lordy, now the have their own column. the invasion is on..................
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:48 pm
Wait until Samantha Bennett finds out that possession of pot is only a misdemeanor in AK and the civil unions are all the rage in VT! Woohoo! Then we're gonna see the fur fly. Wink

Ah well, I guess they don't get out much down there in Pittsburgh.
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:54 pm
Scandinavian. I like that. I'd rather be compared to Anita Ekberg than Annette Funicello.
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:56 pm
ehBeth wrote:
Scandinavian. I like that. I'd rather be compared to Anita Ekberg than Annette Funicello.

Well, no wonder. You don't have Annette's cheek bones. Wink
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:56 pm
It sounds a very civilized, elightened & sane place to me, Ceili. But then, I always knew that! Very Happy
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 09:59 pm
As A. R. M. Lower said of Canada: "Once in every generation we've had to conquer our fate over again." Canada is always a work in progress.

On this date in 1954, The Yonge Street subsway opened as the first subway in Canada. This was 120 years after the city of York, Upper Canada, incorporated as Toronto, March 6, 1834. Upper Canada would become Canada West, and, after beginning the federal process in conjunction with Canada East (formerly Lower Canada and now Qu├ębec) and the Maratimes, it became Ontario.

Hey, good day in Canada, eh?
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 10:03 pm




Cheekbones? Annette can keep her cheekbones. I wanna be Anita.
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Reply Tue 30 Mar, 2004 11:43 pm
I live very close to Canada and have visted many times. It is a quiet place, with very clean streets and highways, and friendly people.
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 05:34 am
yeh but can you grow a decent tomato in Canada.?

I think Not.

Please, since youve started this thread, Ive always wondered why the Mounties must wear those terrible red serge wool suits. Dont you people understand stealth?

Criminals Shooting at a red dressed mountie n the snow is unfair to the law enforcement officers, its like shooting at traffic cones. Camo is the way to go if Blatham really is interested in capturing the reputed perps.
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Grand Duke
Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 05:54 am
From reading Ceili's original post, and everything else I've heard about Canada, it sounds like a good place to live. I have a feeling that Britain falls somewhere between Canada and the US on many issues. Maybe us Briton's should try to be more like our Commonwealth cousins, rather than our War Alliance ones to the south?
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 06:05 am
The British are descended from a tradition of nation-conquering. It's not surprising that they side with the 'Mericans on matters of warfare.
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the prince
Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 06:09 am
And they are NOWHERE close to the Canadians described in the article....
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 06:16 am
FM, not only can tomatoes be grown in Canada, and are, but tobacco as well. A good deal of southern Ontario lies south of a great deal of the United States, including most of New England. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police only got that designation, and the red suits, in 1901, after the participation of the Northwest Mounted Police in the Boer war--and the NWMP wore blue suits, Boss.
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 06:38 am
Farmerman, have you never heard of Leamington? Ketchup country.



Stompin Tom
The Ketchup Song

There was a guy from PEI they used to call Podato
He met this young Leamington Ontario Tomato
But he had eyes for other girls & she was a little mushy
So they said well let's get wed there's no sense bein fussy
Baked sized french fries-how they love Tomatoes
So dress em up with Heinz Ketchup-(Ketchup luvs Potatoes)x2
Well he went down to Windsor town to buy a ring on Monday
Saturday they said OK we'll cut the cake on Sunday
But Sunday came and what a shame-They had no one to fetch it
Without a cake they just sat and ate-Potato chips and ketchup
Bake sized french fries how they love Tomatoes
So dress em up with Heinz Ketchup- (Ketchup luvs Potatoes)X2
And so this guy from Pei they used to call Podato
Got two boys and a little girl-Two spuds & one Tomato
They romp and run around Leamington and boy when they get hungry
The bottle drips all over the chips way down in the ketchup country.

We can grow fabulous tomatoes, and lots of 'em. I once had a bit of a thread on Abuzz about a surfeit of big, gorgeous tomatoes I grew here. I'm on the edge of the escarpment, and tomatoes love the sandy soil I've got.
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 06:55 am

well, now, you see, all this anti Canadian propoganda we are being fed down here? Weve been told that Canadian children are being deprived of tomatoes and all the goodness afforded by this vegetable , as well as its vegetable derivative, ketchup.

You know, of course , its only a matter of time before we come up there and conquer Canada, the Congressional committee on the "arnold expedition" has recently been talking about getting its work wrapped up and to "make sure we getit right this time" and , you know, once we set our targets firmly in our sites, can some reasonable rationale be far behind?
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 07:10 am
Cookstown Greens also grow a fantastic variety of heirlooms in season that many of the top restaurants use.
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 07:12 am
of course the tomato season is rather short in Canada. Its usually August 14 to 16.
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Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 07:24 am
I must admit that i'm amused that the Canajuns named one of their provinces after a bank . . .
0 Replies
Reply Wed 31 Mar, 2004 07:31 am
Setanta, Nunavit hardly qualifies as a bank, more of a welfare office really.
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