There is nothing worse to my ears, than to hear that a married man, is playing on heart strings, then he uses a fishing rod, reals you in, lets it go, reals you in, lets it go...
He knows you will find happiness one day and it will kill him. (EGO)
He is hot and cold (HOT...Didn't get enough sex from his wife)
He is a friend, you confided in over your Marriage, loveless marriage, no communication, cold, lifeless, sexless.. (HE goes for the Kill)
I was in a loveless marriage. It was so cold, and emotionally abusive, towards the end that I nearly lost myself... Only, I didn't.
I walked. Then I picked myself up, reminded myself of who I was before I married him and got on with life... From that strength and the amusing dating of idiots, I worked out for "me" exactly what I wanted, would accept, wouldn't accept and went about my life until someone walked in that was on my level, thought patterns, morals who could make me laugh, communicate and appreciate me, visa versa...
You are going for the romance of it all. Going to sleep at night dreaming of the words he spoke. You are writing those words here because, they play on your mind... Gives you the "what ifs?" What if he really does love me...........That is what words are for, to play on someone's mind.
Are you really going to let him keep winning? Seriously? Dangles carrots in front of you and you fall for it?
Remember. You confided with a "friend" (no he was never a friend)... And, he saw the red light and took...(took) .....
Ego stops him from walking. That and the times he doesn't get enough sex.
He feels if it's just here and there, he won't get caught.
You are better than this and you know it. I don't know if your marriage was arranged or you just "settled" but you certainly don't love your husband.
I appreciate you are studying and therefore don't have money but money does not buy love either. I appreciate that the children (4) are 3 - 9 so they are babies but they are also living in a loveless family are they not? How can they grow and believe in a thing called Mum and Dad, happy, marriages are great... ?
There is always a way, always.
In my opinion, you should up and leave... Find the way, means, talk to family... You don't love your husband and from the sounds of it, he's lonely and un-happy as well. The kids aren't happy they can't be because Mum and Dad aren't happy.
And, cut all ties with this man.. You are a substitute for what ever he is missing in his marriage... If he needs someone to love him as he doesn't feel loved? You are it. If he needs sex because he isn't getting it? You are it. And, when he feels content enough... He goes Cold... There is the answers to your questions.
When someone pulls you down mentally, emotionally, you have two choices. Stay and get pulled down further, or leave and regain yourself and get stronger and if you choose the later? Then you are free to be yourself, love yourself, show more love to your children, because you become happy and content with yourself and only then will you find someone to love that loves you back.
My ex-husband didn't start out that way, in-fact everyone loved him, great Actor...It was like he hid behind something, until, we, were married....
I am my own person, love life, love everything and am in love with a beautiful partner that I will marry next year... Happy ending.
Are you going to continue living in a loveless marriage, then find comfort outside with someone whom you are a sub-statute for, when his wife is not giving? Are you going to continue being a sub-statute? Or realise your self worth.....................