IMO. We have two choices. We walk, grow and find again but in a better state of mind and maturity. Or, we stay, and find comfort for our emotions.
Both, we get the chance to LIVE again, FEEL again, lust, love with, someone.
Here is the difference.
The first choice. We become better people, we know what we want, don't want, based on what we just learnt, how we just felt and so, we basically won't allow those "types" of personalities into our lives again and we are free to make our own decisions, create our own personal goals, wear what we want, eat when we want, clean when we want, everything until, someone enters our life that feels "right" and so, a happy ending begins.
The second. We don't live, we do feel, lust, love (perhaps) but also, we are dragged down even further than that 5 year old feeling, because come 6pm, and whilst we sleep every day of our lives we are alone. Yet, we still cook, clean and feel miserable, no goals, wear the same clothes, eat at a set time with someone we don't really want to eat with... etc, etc.
How can the second option be better than the first?
It doesn't matter if I am right or wrong in your situation of how you now feel, the bottom line is every mistress feels the same way... And, every person in my opinion pines for what they can not have... It's the mystery of "what it could have been" and that dream, visualisation, fantasy that keeps you there, once you become a mistress... Hope. Belief, yet you know that's not real.
Look at option one.............deeply...........a whole new life is waiting for you.