How to stop an emotional affair??

Georgia,

IMO. We have two choices. We walk, grow and find again but in a better state of mind and maturity. Or, we stay, and find comfort for our emotions.

Both, we get the chance to LIVE again, FEEL again, lust, love with, someone.

Here is the difference.

The first choice. We become better people, we know what we want, don't want, based on what we just learnt, how we just felt and so, we basically won't allow those "types" of personalities into our lives again and we are free to make our own decisions, create our own personal goals, wear what we want, eat when we want, clean when we want, everything until, someone enters our life that feels "right" and so, a happy ending begins.

The second. We don't live, we do feel, lust, love (perhaps) but also, we are dragged down even further than that 5 year old feeling, because come 6pm, and whilst we sleep every day of our lives we are alone. Yet, we still cook, clean and feel miserable, no goals, wear the same clothes, eat at a set time with someone we don't really want to eat with... etc, etc.

How can the second option be better than the first?

It doesn't matter if I am right or wrong in your situation of how you now feel, the bottom line is every mistress feels the same way... And, every person in my opinion pines for what they can not have... It's the mystery of "what it could have been" and that dream, visualisation, fantasy that keeps you there, once you become a mistress... Hope. Belief, yet you know that's not real.

Look at option one.............deeply...........a whole new life is waiting for you.

Thank you. I know that I can have a happy life, I am just so stuck at the moment, emotionally quite destroyed. Really really finding it all so hard.

Georgia,

Start with writing.

Write a list of all the things you were dreaming of "before" you got married.

The things you would like to do (imagining you are on your own) .

Then a list of (how) you can make that happen.

And like Nike says " Just DO".....

Funny you should say that I have written a list some months ago of goals I want to reach and none of them include either people. I am just trying to find myself again. My husband has turned quite nasty in the last few days and is knocking my self esteem, but I am trying to rise above it. Thank you again

I love my wife to the point I would cheerfully lay down my life for her however if she was turning to a third party/ex-lover/married man I would in all likelihood turn nasty myself if I got a hint that was the case.

Of course you are a victim here after all............................

In any case, you are playing games that had been known to get people killed

If you can not for whatever reason made your marriage work you first step is to divorce you husband and then find someone else to turn to for support. Hopefully however not with another married man.

Thank you. I appreciate. No I am not the victim. I made a mistake and I understand that it was wrong. I do not feel I did the right thing, I am not after sympathy. I just am not aware of how to get out this situation. I do feel confused, which is why I came on the forum.

have you blocked him on your mobile yet?

You question is right on point as far as I can see.

The way to stop an affair an emotional affair or otherwise is just to stop it.

Perhaps he's reading your posts here? Are you posting from a family computer?

One never knows. I never log out of a2k, and after logging off windows and shutting down, all I have to do is enter my user name. The password block auto fills with a bunch of *****s, and I'm ready to go without entering the password. This isn't what I would call solid security.

I have a similar situation, I guess. I was friends with a married man with the intention of just being friends. Things changed and we are now in an affair. I, like you, realized how it can feel to be with another person and to be seen. I'm trying to figure out how to break the chains but I understand how hard it is. I'm ending it for the sake of my children/family as nobody has found out or knows. Because I think that there is a possibility of it blowing up down the road and hurting SO many people. I agree with another post...you need to end it, go to therapy, end your marriage if needed (probably so if your husband is mentally abusive) and find yourself. Then when feeling healthy find the man you deserve. Your husband will pay child support and alimony. You will be ok although it's really scary. Many people that get divorced, although scary, find a renewed sense of self and are much happier in the long run. Let this man live his life and you take care of you and love yourself. Easier said than done and I 100% know this! Good luck!

The only thing you can do is delete each other, block each other and purposely allow time to go on. If you think about it, the longer you allow yourself to do this, the longer you prolong your own happiness. Just go through the motions, no contact at all and God will handle the rest . Soon you will be healed and free to date someone that can be a real boyfriend and love you openly and you will be so much happier. Time is your friend, allow it to do its job!

Never say never - I don't like the idea of an emotional affair not being a full breach.

"cock block" - by calling out the cause for marital continuation.

Just say no, go and sin no more.