The Least Important Problems in the World

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We should stop, now and then, and reflect on problems that matter very little except at the moment they are bugging someone. List yours here and receive (maybe) some commiseration and, perhaps a solution to your tiny difficulty.

Here's mine:
It's impossible to butter two pieces of toast equally. They both pop up at the same time and therefore one gets buttered first, while still nice and hot while the second piece, even if left in the toaster, is cooler and thereby never gets the same smooth spread of butter that its companion does.
This can be concealed by putting a sprinkling of cinnamon and sugar on both pieces, but I still feel guilty about the uneven surfacing as I slide the second piece onto my true love's plate.

Joe(please help)Nation

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Type: Question • Score: 19 • Views: 5,312 • Replies: 111

View best answer, chosen by Joe Nation

Impress upon your true love the dangers of butter and chivalrously take
all the butter for yourself while passing her the oleo.

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

You just need another person to butter with you along with two knives and two tubs of butter. Have both people stand at the ready to grab and butter their appointed piece of toast the instant it pops up.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

I should have mentioned that it's also a problem for me when I am alone.

The second piece is a cold as a stone by the time I get to it.
<sigh>
You got any problems like this?

Joe(I'm listening)Nation

2 Replies

@George,

@George: Funny you should say that, George, she like fakie butter (Earth Balance) while I won't touch the stuff.... .

How about you, any small obstacles in your life that we can obsess about.

Joe( Does your defroster defrost evenly across the windshield? )Nation

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

Whenevr I wish to eat some sand tart Christmas cookies there is never enough milk left in the bottle. One MUST eat christmas cookies with a big glassa milk, AND NOBODY IN THIS FUCKIN ESTABLISHMENT IS WILLING TO SCHLEP OVER TO WAWA TO BUY ANOTHER HALF GALLON.

1 Reply

Do they sell single slice toasters?

I have an odd (to me) problem. Every time I go into a restaurant to eat, my nose begins to run. Doesn't make much difference which restaurant I enter. There must be something in the air that I have yet to identify.

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

You mentioned a "true love" in the first post. That threw me off.

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

Joe Nation wrote:

We should stop, now and then, and reflect on problems that matter very little except at the moment they are bugging someone. List yours here and receive (maybe) some commiseration and, perhaps a solution to your tiny difficulty.

Here's mine:
It's impossible to butter two pieces of toast equally. They both pop up at the same time and therefore one gets buttered first, while still nice and hot while the second piece, even if left in the toaster, is cooler and thereby never gets the same smooth spread of butter that its companion does.
This can be concealed by putting a sprinkling of cinnamon and sugar on both pieces, but I still feel guilty about the uneven surfacing as I slide the second piece onto my true love's plate.

Joe(please help)Nation

Get a bigger butter knife so you can do both at once. Or one of those really wide flat trowels used for drywalling.
There, problem solved. lol Razz

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

Why does it take you so long to butter a piece of toast? Are you keeping the butter in the refrigerator? That's not necessary. If you store it at room temperature, it spreads very quickly and both pieces get the same silky coating.

1 Reply

@edgarblythe,

edgarblythe wrote:

Do they sell single slice toasters?

I think this is the answer. Make your toast one slice at a time. You know you want to.

When your true love is there, spread and offer her the first slice (of course you would!)

Then - put another slice in the toaster, stand there like a dill, (or gaze lovingly at her as she enjoys that first slice of hot, buttered toast) and wait for it to toast, then remove, spread, eat.

This is not so good for the planet - but what's that compared to this problem you have.

1 Reply

I'm a guy who doesn't drive and never will, and it bothers me that I would have to pay more for car insurance if I drove than a female who doesn't drive and never will would pay if she drove.

2 Replies

@Kolyo,

I pay more car insurance because I live near two intersections which are notorious for accidents and I've never been in one, so how about that?

2 Replies

@Joe Nation,

Toast one piece at a time. Feed your true love the first while the second is toasting.

Ah...Margo got there first!

1 Reply

@dlowan,

Or take her to a cheap restaurant. They keep a pot of oily looking yellow stuff and can brush it on two as quickly as one.

1 Reply

@roger,

Ewww, nice! Not going to breakfast with you, Rog!

1 Reply

@Mame,

Give it a try. We'll ask for dry toast with butter on the side. They'll send us our own little pot of oily looking yellow stuff with our own brush.

1 Reply

@roger,

Ewww.... you'll forever be eating alone, Rog.

What bugs me is clothes' tags - stop putting them in!!! Or make them soft! I have to cut them all out, they're so annoying! Especially in winter gloves - why would you put a 3" tag inside a glove???

0 Replies

@farmerman,

@Farmerman: This is what I am talking about~ Why don't you start a petition demanding that WaWa deliver to any address on demand as much milk as is necessary to maintain both good nutrition and preserve civil order.

Joe(insufficient milk seems to me very close to a reason for revolution)Nation

0 Replies

@jcboy,

This is brilliant....butter troweled on....yes...this is possible>>>

Joe(and in six months, my ass will need its own zipcode)Nation

1 Reply

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