9
   

Can a guy have sex with someone else but love someone else?

 
 
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 12:42 am
Okay me and my boyfriend had been together two years and we broke up he left me because i was mean i wasnt fair i was one sided, and etc im not making excuses but i seriously wasnt a fair girlfriend and i can see why he left me. We were only split up a month and a half well he texted me at the point and we started hanging out again he said he just wanted to be friends at first but then once he seen me he grew feelings all over again? & then 5 months later he admitted he had sex with this girl and he cried and said it was a mistake it wasnt even planned and he didnt even like her, but if he loved me how could he do that? i understand we were broken up but if you love someone broken up or not u cant just have sex with another person like that. he said it only happened once but he did lie about it and didnt tell me until 5 months back into our relationship, cause in the friend zone i said if he had ever been with anyone else im done i dont want to even have a friendship and he said he got scared i wouldnt ever want him i guess what im asking is why did he lie? can men really have sex with another girl and still love someone else cause he had sex with her a week before he texted me like its such a short time to just decide oh ill text my ex girlfriend and etc. and i guess i just feel as if he dont love me as much as i love him cause he could have sex with another? and why did he come back to me if he was getting laid and talking to to other girls why didnt he just leave me alone? please help and dont be mean about it thank you
 
View best answer, chosen by mollie1111
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 02:21 am
@mollie1111,
mollie1111 wrote:
it was a mistake it wasnt even planned and he didnt even like her, but if he loved me how could he do that?


A mistake is when you leave your keys in the car or you press the wrong button on the remote control. having sex with someone is deliberate, you have to decide to do it. Men are simple creatures, they have sex with whatever girl offers it to them and make up an excuse afterwards if they are found out. Maybe he had sex with this girl and he realised he didn't like it as much as he did with you. It happens.



brenden99
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 02:24 am
@contrex,
Yes I can agree to this , this normally happens.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 02:45 am
@mollie1111,
Mollie.

You can see you pushed him to the edge of leaving you.. He had, had enough.

But, you can also see, 6 weeks later, he was back trying to win you back.

During those 6 weeks, he would have gone through alot of emotions, you don't say how old you are but 2 years together is a long time, companionship, faithfulness and him given grief from you, you weren't fair, would be a lot for him to consider and think about before deciding if he could or could not be with out you.

He decided he couldn't.

In-between, you should know what girls are like, flirting, playing it on, drinking, happy for a one night stand.. You should understand what a guy is like when he has walked away from someone from two years, but still has feelings, drinking, flirting or accepting the flirt, feeling wanted, and accepting a one night stand.

The fact of the matter is, he left, you gave him shirt for some time, you know why he left but you were not together, simply put, there at that point in time was no relationship.. So he was a free spirit.

Yes, a man can for the same reasons women do crazy things, it's called emotions or wanting to feel loved again, even for a night and sex is intimacy and it can at least drown the sorrows or make someone feel something, until they wake up the next day.

Be grateful he isn't a cad. He told you.

Understand you were'nt together you have no right honestly to give him grief over this, he has been honest with you...

mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:06 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank you for that i am 19 and he is 23 i do understand what u are saying, i just feel like now are sex isnt sacred anymore be cause someone else has been where i have been. We live together and did for 2 years. I just feel like maybe he don't love me if he could do that and i dont want to be fooled.
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:08 am
@contrex,
Thx for commenting i just dont c how he could have sex with someone's this gross i guess is all. Its nasty and plus it hurts to know he could do that because the 2 years we were together he was madly in love with me.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:28 am
@mollie1111,
Honey... So you were all but a babe Smile 17 when you met. I understand how you feel, how could he if he loved me? But, you need to understand humans I guess. Sometimes we do things out of anger, out of hurt, out of I don't care, she and I won't be together again, it's over. Out of a lot of things. Did you talk that out? Did you ask him what motivated him?

I certainly understand you don't want to be fooled or played, but a player doesn't show his cards, he told you Smile

I think you two need to talk sweetheart. Relationships aren't always easy roads.

If he wants you back and you can listen as to why he did that and if you can see, "ok, I can see that" and believe he was faithful before, would be again and you want to give it another go? Then do and don't let this get in the way, the shoe could have been on the other foot in anger ....................

Talk to him.
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:37 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Yes I was young and so was he, I guess it's just the first guy I've ever cared about like this. And I didn't realize how much I cared until he walked away, maybe it's more of a ego thing like how could u be with another girl, I'm suppose to be the only girl. I mean he cried, and is super good to me I don't think it will happen again if it does I don't want to even make it work. But I'm Mad at myself I let my guard down I trusted him and he lied to me instead of being honest if he would have been honest I maybe could have just walked away and we would have never been in this position but I trusted him because he always was honest with me. Thank u for responding Wink
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:42 am
@mollie1111,
Madam, we never know what we have lost, until we have lost them Smile See you have already realised some faults but I bet he had them too Smile I think also you are seeing his way, I mean he cried, that means something hun.

But, he didn't lie .. He waited until he felt he could talk to you, relationships are about being able to be honest and talk, sometimes it takes the right time.. And, obviously he didn't feel comfortable for reasons (you know) as to why he couldn't tell you immediately..

And, there you have it as well. He didn't want you to walk Wink He wanted you to love him again, be nice and be where it was at the beginning and you did huh Wink And, so he waited in hope you would understand........

I can say, a cheater is rarely honest..... I think you have a great guy there that made a mistake. But, the mistake was due to his own pain and "care facter pfttt" thinking he would never have you back.

It's only sex.

You two had more than that, it was never just SEX.

Smile
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 03:54 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Yes you are very right. I mean I hope and pray our relationship is good now. But I just want to be able to forgive and forget and I feel like all day everyday I think of it and it just eats my heart out of me. Like I didn't do anything never even went out with a guy while we were split up but yet u were out getting a piece and just remembering the hurt I went thru when we were broken up eats at me too I hate that I dwell I wish I had a cure for it. So should I never bring this up to him anymore because we have talked about it until we were blue in the face and it just gets us no where. Thank u for ur help Wink and one other thing I'm not the hottest thing ever but I do consider myself pretty and this girl is huge and has a baby and my boyfriend don't even like babies like y would u even have a interest in getting to know this girl or talk to her? And she is just trashy like why would he deserve me someone who is trying to do good in life ? Not saying I'm better u just don't know about the girl like otherwise a whore. Like if he can get his rocks off to something trashy it makes me feel insecure if u can get off to that then why do u deserve something pretty when it was just sex but still I have to like or be attracted to have sex?
izzythepush
 
  0  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 04:18 am
@mollie1111,
You're only nineteen, chances are you've still to find the one. Get used to not being the first, it's part of life.

When I was on a stag do in Amsterdam I knew a lot of married men who spent time with prostitutes. (I didn't, I'd just been widowed, and really wasn't up for that.) The thing is the men all went back to their wives at the end. Men are more aroused by images, they're not so tied up with emotions.

From what you've said, this happened when you two were on a break. So technically he's not been unfaithful, unlike the men on the stag do. You can either brood on this and let it eat you up, or move on. If he is faithful when you're together, and you're serious about this relationship, then you have to put it all behind you. If he's not faithful though, you need to knock it on the head.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 04:19 am
@mollie1111,
Wellllllllllllllllll.

He went for someone in your words that was trashy, un-attactive had a baby.

I am guessing she has no self-esteme and got knocked up and thinks very low of herself and needs some form of "believing" someone likes me right? As well Smile

Take it for what it is... She is not a threat to you.

Imagine if you had told me she was a babe and all that Smile Then you can worry.

She is a woman whom wants what you have, she can't have it you do.

That's how I saw my man at 17 and what he did, he stayed with me, they were nothing.. It happened, shirt happens Smile

I think you have a good chance.

Remember why he left you though and stop putting it back all on him, remember what you wrote, it was both's faults yours first, his second and now as a result you are together again.

Go and enjoy..

She can't hurt you and he never cheated before..

Smile in that knowing.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 06:55 am
@mollie1111,
Maybe he's upset bwecause you didn't have a period?
0 Replies
 
parados
 
  5  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 07:56 am
@mollie1111,
Quote:
cause in the friend zone i said if he had ever been with anyone else im done i dont want to even have a friendship

You won't be friends with anyone that has slept with other people? I would suggest HE get out now.

You were broken up. He was free to do what he wanted to do. He was not obligated to tell you everything he did. Did you tell him everything you did? You are now back together but have you told him you posted this question here? That would be going behind his back instead of being honest with him, would it not? You have violated the intimacy of your relationship. Perhaps he loves you more than you love him.

People are complicated. They do lots of things. You can't control other people. You can only try to understand them. He felt he had made a mistake. He was willing to share it with you and you turn around and attack him over it.

Yeah. I suggest he gets out now. But he obviously has enough feelings for you to be honest with you and to put up with your crap. Perhaps you should be happy about that. Relationships are not about controlling the other person. People do all kinds of stupid things. We are often selfish. He was willing to get his rocks off with someone else. You demand he make you the center of his world or else. In a relationship you need to be understanding, forgiving, and willing to put the other person ahead of yourself. That doesn't mean ignore yourself. It means you have to be willing to make some sacrifices of your selfishness.

By the way, sex is not the same thing as love. It can be a form of intimacy that expresses your love but stop confusing the physical act with the emotion of love. You can love someone without having sex. You can have sex with someone without loving them. Some people, men and women, need the physical release of sex and could care less about the emotional aspect. Others require the emotional aspect for it to be fulfilling.
Eva
 
  6  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 10:34 am
@parados,
parados wrote:
...By the way, sex is not the same thing as love. It can be a form of intimacy that expresses your love but stop confusing the physical act with the emotion of love. You can love someone without having sex. You can have sex with someone without loving them. Some people, men and women, need the physical release of sex and could care less about the emotional aspect. Others require the emotional aspect for it to be fulfilling.


Very true! And for many people, it can be different things at different times. Even in good relationships, people often have sex because of physical needs, not because it's an expression of their love at that particular moment. And that's perfectly natural.

The two of you had broken up. You weren't a couple at the time, so it wasn't "cheating." You had no claims on him, and no right to expect him to behave as though he was still in a relationship with you. In truth, he has been uncommonly honest with you. You have to decide whether you are going to let this ruin your relationship, or you will get over it. I suggest you decide to get over it. He loves you, he has been patient with you, and he has been faithful to you all the time you've been together. He sounds like a good guy.
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 11:59 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank you.
0 Replies
 
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 12:03 pm
@Eva,
Thank you I appreciate it. I just wish he would have been honest when I first asked him and I even asked him thru out the relationship and he would lie and say no, I feel like I wasn't worth the truth to him is all so he lied
parados
 
  5  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 12:31 pm
@mollie1111,
Quote:
I wasn't worth the truth to him is all so he lied


Or perhaps he knew you would freak out about it and so was trying to spare you and him the anguish. He probably has a pretty good idea about what upsets you. Your original post gives an ultimatum that any outside activity on his part would mean you would never see him again. That's a pretty strong incentive to not be forthcoming. Perhaps he felt you worth not being truthful.

I find it interesting that all your posts seem to be about you, how you feel, how you've been treated. Relationships are more than just you. They are 2 people and you need some understanding of the other person and their feelings.

One of the hardest things in relationships is the ability to share everything without the other person being judgmental. Being judgmental soon means things won't be shared. The other thing is to not use those shared moments against the other person when you do fight.
mollie1111
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 12:40 pm
@parados,
No it its just about me i understand it takes two, but he isnt bothered or upset about anything. Im the one who is upset of what has happened, not him he has nothing to be upset about i didnt do anything he even cried and told me if the shoe was on the other foot he dont know if he could deal with it because he knows his feelings, he wont even allow for me to have guy friends, or talk to guys so i could imainge if i had done what he done, broke up or not. i just feel stupid because he asked me what i did when we were broken up and i was honest and i asked him but he lied and wasnt honest with me.
contrex
 
  5  
Reply Fri 13 Jul, 2012 01:13 pm
@mollie1111,
mollie1111 wrote:
he wont even allow for me to have guy friends, or talk to guys


You sound as bad as each other. At least if you are together you won't be making any other people miserable.
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Can a guy have sex with someone else but love someone else?
Copyright © 2022 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 01/22/2022 at 09:28:57