Embarassing problem and I don't know where to turn

Thank you!

Don't blame yourself even a little bit. You did nothing wrong; absolutely nothing. Don't let guilt affect what you have to do to protect this from ever happening again.

Is there any chance that he has no memory of it? A blackout sort of situation?

This doesn't excuse anything, but may explain how he's acting today.

Could be. On the other hand, I know people who are really good at "Lets just put this behind us, and move on from here."

Just sayin', as they say.

what possible outcome could he expect by bringing it up?

of course he was nice and didn't say anything today...

I was thinking the same thing...

Given he left and was nice to you, therefore maybe "normal" as he usually would be with you.

Maybe he fell asleep for a few minutes, passed out, got up and thought he was at a girls house...

I know this part will be hard but I think you need to speak to him and find out what he remembers before making decisions... And, you need time for you, to be alone and think.. as well..

I disagree completely. He is the last person she needs to talk about this.

They had sex until dawn, I think she said - yes, here's a quote: "Then in my drunken state, I gave in and started liking it. This went on almost the rest of the night until dawn."

I think 99% of this was caused by both of your drunken states... but... you were aware of what you were doing, you stopped resisting, you started liking it, and it continued for hours. So, he is not totally to blame and I can understand why you feel guilty. You should. You knowingly participated in an incestuous encounter.

This is so unhealthy, I don't know where to begin. This will be with you the rest of your lives.

I predict you won't charge him. But I think you should live separately for sure. And go to a therapist.

We are not qualified to give you therapy, plus we don't know all the details of your situation(s), so go immediately to someone who you can tell everything to and sort this out, and the sooner the better. Before you start getting used to what happened and think that it's okay or normal. It's not.

You need to figure out why you did this. And why he did this. But even if he won't accept what happened, or doesn't remember, or won't see a counsellor, you should. You have to live with this.

Edit: And there's still the glaring fact that he raped his own mother.

well said, canadian person...

I understand that thought Roger.

But, if it was my son, and it was out of character and he was normal the next day and our relationship was "normal" before, I would want to know so I then knew in my mind and heart what course of action to take... He's blood but that does not excuse what he did, nor excuse the action I would have to take, I would want to know though so that I can proceed without guilt.

She is feeling guilty and she shouldn't this may help her over that.

The trauma is a different thing than the action...

Perhaps I should clarify that I am not suggesting she do it, "now" there are many emotions going through her mind and heart... But, I do think it is something that she should do at some point...

People don't always agree and that's fair as well. She may not either. But, after the shock, comes the emotions, this is her son that she raised she must feel horribly betrayed and hurt beyond it being anyone else. How else do you get closure if you continue to live in the un-known.

I also agree Mame that besides it continuing for hours where the drunken state has to subside "somewhat" that, she also stated that she did things that she had only ever done with her husband... So, she can not totally put it all onto him, the inset but not the entirety.

This is also why I think she should talk to him...at some point before making any decisions.

My friend just dropped me off back home to pick up some clothes. She was flabbergasted at what happened. She freaked out when I told her that it got to the point to where I enjoyed it and didn't fight anymore. I told her the sexual details of the whole thing. She told me that I needed to stay with her and call him now and confront him over the phone to see what he thought and why he did it. I agree with her. I don't want to confront him in person. I am grabbing my things. I forgot to mention that I did wake up one night to him standing beside my bed and my pajama top was unbuttoned and my breasts exposed. After I ran him off I noticed that the bed had droplets of, well you know, all over it.

supporting Roger's posts..

On my own, I figure this is a long time coming. I don't know enough. Not that I want to, but there is history.

With my friend standing by my side, I just called him on his cellphone.

I told him what happened last night and I got a long dead silence. Then he said, "I'm sorry Mom, I couldn't help myself"

I told him that I need to get him to see a psychiatrist. He agreed. I told him this could never ever happen again.

There was another long pause. Then he said, "But Mom, I wanted you and I have fantasized about it for a years and you liked it once we got started"

I could feel my pulse start to race and I told him how inappropriate that it was and how he needed to pack his things and move out of my house.

Then he started to cry and apologize all over himself and he promised it would never happen again.

Now I don't know what to do.

stand up to your words.

and good luck...

I wondered before, now I am definitely beginning to think this is all invented by a sick (male) fantasist. Especially considering the exposed boobs/jizz-on-the-sheets story. Too much lascivious detail. In fact I definitely call FAKE.

I'm strongly suspecting that too, mostly because I've always been under the impression that a man that drunk is unable to get or keep an erection long enough to have sex with a woman.

I actually was just coming to the computer to say something about that, to billiejean:

Basically, that I expected the calls of "this is fake!" to happen and for her to prepare herself for that, though I expected it would be a good deal more rude than how you put it (which was fine, I think).

We have no idea if this is fake or not -- many things set off my hmmm-meter as well. However, with these sort of situations, my perspective is that the consequences of dismissing something as fake (when it's real) are worse than treating something as true (when it's fake).

At the very least, if it's not true, someone else for whom it may actually be true may come across it later and get good information from it.

This one is a pretty rare situation so that particular aspect is less pertinent. But still, it just doesn't bother me much if something turns out to be fake (after a dozen years on internet fora, a certain skepticism is automatically applied to just about everything), but the possibility of someone who actually needs help asking for it and just being insulted does bother me, a lot. (Again, I don't think you did that, contrex, your comment was pretty straightforward.)

I couldn't have said that any better if I had had the exact same conversation earlier today with a very nice lady that decided not to post here...

better safe than truly unrepairably sorry later...

you are always so level headed, soz.

That's the kind of crappy things that actually DO happen in families afflicted
with the disease of alcoholism, it's awful, it makes me wish that you had
only dreamed it; but as moral adults, we must deal with reality, deal
with life on life's terms ... and deal with it SOBERLY. That single
indecent incident alone would be enough to make me join AA and quit
drinking forever.