Embarassing problem and I don't know where to turn

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My son, who is 24, was drunk when his friends let him out of their car. It was probably 2:00 in the morning and I had just finished my 2nd date with a man after my divorce was final 6 months ago. I had a lot of wine with my date and I didn't get home until 1:00 myself. I was pretty drunk. My son was pretty drunk. Anyway, I had just layed down to go to sleep and my son stumbled in my room and crawled into bed with me and attacked me sexually. I don't want to give the whole situation, but he had no problem holding me down and having sex with me because he is so big and strong. I tried to resist him with all my might at first. Then in my drunken state, I gave in and started liking it. This went on almost the rest of the night until dawn. I feel so weird and guilty. I need some help!! I don't know what to do!! I am having an anxiety attack as I write this. He woke up this morning and acted like nothing happened!! He just left and went out with his friends. I'm wondering if he told anybody. I don't know what to do!!! Please help!!

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 21,084 • Replies: 94

@billiejean,

wow...

First, you probably need someone local that you can talk to about this, and maybe even stay a night or two with...

and I would refrain from drinking until you can get it settled.

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@billiejean,

Oh wow.

Aside from the fact that you and your son had sex, this part really bothers me: "...my son stumbled in my room and crawled into bed with me and attacked me sexually."

Is this how he behaves, do you think, when he's out with his friends? You tried to resist, he held you down - that's not good, aside from the moral implications. If so, he has to be stopped. What he did was out-and-out rape and that's not a good sign.

What do you want to do? How old is he?

2 Replies

@Mame,

24...

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@Rockhead,

I am going to leave shortly and go talk to a friend. But what will they think? Should I call the police? I don't want my son in trouble, but I don't know what to do. I'm leaving right now since he just left.

1 Reply

@Mame,

He is 24 and I am 42. Yes, I feel as if he raped me, but, then I participated. I feel so bad. I am crying uncontrollably.

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@billiejean,

your son is already in trouble.

whether you involve the police is up to you.

this is much more than embarrassing...

it's criminal.

1 Reply

@billiejean,

I would suggest making him move out at the very minimum...

1 Reply

@Rockhead,

I'm jumping from one feeling to another. He is never mean or abusive and is a great guy to everybody including me. He was even nice this morning, but he didn't acknowledge what happened. I can't bring myself to call the police. I don't know what to do.

1 Reply

@billiejean,

if you do nothing, it only gets worse...

do you have a best girlfriend?

1 Reply

@Rockhead,

Yes, I just called her and she is coming to get me. Do I tell her? Her husband is a cop and he may get involved. I don't want my son to go to prison.

1 Reply

@billiejean,

tell her.

and relax a little bit...

you are in control of what happens.

good luck.

1 Reply

@Rockhead,

Thanks Rockhead. Okay, I will tell her in confidence. I think I can trust her.

2 Replies

@Rockhead,

I agree about moving him out, completely, but. . . .

Somehow, it isn't always that simple. To get him out immediately would probably involve a restraining order and I'm sure that would get us into police involvement. I don't think that would be a bad thing at all, but I'm also not sure billiejean is willing to do that. Anything else would likely involve her continuing to live with a hostile and powerful young man for some period of time. Not a good thing, either.

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@billiejean,

welcome.

chin up...

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@billiejean,

Yes, talk to her. You have to talk to someone, and she may know someone who has been in a similar situation.

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@roger,

I agree.

her staying with friends for a few days while he finds a buddy to crash with would be better than living in fear...

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I wish my friend would hurry up. He will lose his job. He is almost a Lawyer and working for a law firm. I feel so guilty. When I gave in I did some things that I just can't seem to shake. It was like I was married to him and we were just doing everything married couples do.

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I did things that I have only done with my ex-husband. Oh my God I am about to pass out. I can't breathe!!

2 Replies

@billiejean,

you were taken advantage of.

and you know it was wrong.

nothing changes last night.

this is all about making sure it does not happen again.

you are the only one who can charge him at this point.

take some deep breaths and relax.

your friend will show up soon...

1 Reply

Embarassing problem and I don't know where to turn

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