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My husband is becoming increasingly suspicious

 
 
lynnbar
 
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 12:47 pm
I have had increasing concerns about my husband. There have been several issues that cause me to believe he isn't happy with our marriage. Recently found texts after he got back from business trip to and from another woman. The texts were personal information and he commented on her, saying she was beautiful and sexy. Then I found out on that trip and group went out drinking and partying. After getting back, a second woman starting texting him personal things about his family life. When I questioned him about these things, he wasn't honest to begin then with...then said he was just curious and nothing happend. Another time he was away on business fro three months and I went to visit him. I found condoms in the side table at the motel and he said they weren't his. Another time, I found condoms in his truck and he said they weren't his. He also texts a lot with a distant step cousin (female), that he hasn't seen in 15 years till about 3 years ago. She talks to him about her job, boyfriend advice, and just crap in general. He brags about how well she is doing and how much money she makes. I have seen some of the texts, he doesn't tell me about them usually.
I just don't know if I'm too jealous or I'm seeing things wrong.. Please give me an unbiased opinion.
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 4,882 • Replies: 79

 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 01:13 pm
@lynnbar,
Do you really need for us to point out the obvious to you?

Did those condoms just leap into his truck? Perhaps the Condom Fairy deposited them there.

Sorry to be flip but, really, this stuff is relatively obvious.

I suspect that the communications with his cousin may very well be fine. The rest of it, not so much.

But it's also troubling re the texts - if he's keeping them from you, how are you seeing them? I take it that you're snooping. Not right, etc. but of course this is how you know (but, really, you've got rather good proof without the snooping. Condoms in two places would have done it for me - I could almost see the motel excuse but the truck? Nope. Those did not just magically appear in there. Even if he left his truck unlocked, even if he let some pal of his borrow it, the chances are microscopically small that the condoms got there in any manner other than him putting them there. As to whether he used them -- and you're only finding the remaining ones -- is not something that can be proven. But he's got the means, yes?).

In any event, you already don't trust him. And you don't seem to have a good reason to, either.

Consider this -- as they often say in old movies about murder cases (and, BTW, these statements are not of a legal nature or for legal advice. I'm just trying to make a point and I keep thinking of old detective stories), did he have --

- Motive
- Means
- Opportunity

Motive - that seems rather possible, seeing as he's complimenting other gals in text and then lying to you about it
Means - condoms in the truck, condoms in the motel; here a condom, there a condom, everywhere a condom, condom!
Opportunity - if he's off to motels, I am assuming it's for business travel. I used to be a business traveler. Not everyone who goes on the road is having an affair or contemplating same, but the fact that he is outta town certainly gives him chances that just hanging around at home would not make possible.

So -- why are you sticking around?
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 01:17 pm
@jespah,
On the bright side if he is using condoms he is less likely to bring home a STD.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 01:20 pm
@BillRM,
Or a little bundle o' joy.
0 Replies
 
kuvasz
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 01:43 pm
@lynnbar,
In my unbiased opinion, your husband is cheating on you or he soon will. The party's over. Its time both to call it a day as well as a lawyer.

Frankly, this is the **** nobody in their real mind wants to walk into, but if you don't protect yourself now that you are suspecious, the blame for any future emotional pain lies with you, not him.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Nov, 2011 03:18 pm
@kuvasz,
kuvasz wrote:

In my unbiased opinion, your husband is cheating on you or he soon will. The party's over. Its time both to call it a day as well as a lawyer.

Frankly, this is the **** nobody in their real mind wants to walk into...


ITA. He's lying to you, plain and simple.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:43 am
He sounds like a guy that needs a LOT of female attention - talking, gossiping, and yes, sexually. He is a serial relationship/sexual predator (aka a pussy hound).

So - accept this if you want to keep him, and learn to live with it. Or dump him and go on your own.

For sure, he is loving all the excitement. Getting caught even turns him on. That's why he does it.
0 Replies
 
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 07:54 pm
@jespah,
I'm really trying to find a way to trust him. He has answers to all my questions and I even contacted two women that were texting him. They both said they were just friends. And he said the condoms in his truck were probably from someone that rode with him to a game, (he's a football referee). I only looked at his phone, because he acted different that last trip. When I confonted him, he eventually said he was wrong for getting drunk and saying that to the other woman and nothing else happened. And he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me.
0 Replies
 
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:06 pm
@jespah,
I'm sticky around bc we've been married 23 years and I'm trying to get past this and trust him again. I'm just really having a hard time and hoping I am wrong. Maybe it was a one time lapse and nothing really happened. Is it really that wrong to just compliment a women and be attracted to her?
0 Replies
 
Ceili
 
  4  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:06 pm
I've worked in hotels, they clean out the side tables, just in case someone left a bible or the like. I've never had anyone leave a condom never mind the plural in a vehicle. IMHO Your husband is a cheat and a liar. I'd leave ASAP. I hope you'll take the advise and take care of yourself. Love yourself first and then find a man who's worthy. He's an Ass.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:08 pm
Lynnbar, I agree with others posting - listen to yourself, girl.

There is a long time crude saying, that there are other fish in the sea - and that is very true.

You need to like and appreciate yourself. I suppose you have faults, we all do - but don't just put up with ****.
Don't be afraid of being without a man.
I have come to think that a lot of grief is lived through since people can't hardly imagine being by themselves.
Stop that, listen to yourself.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:11 pm
@ossobuco,
I don't have option to leave at this time and I really don't want to. I want to think I'm just overexagerating things. We have children and he makes the bulk of our income. And after all else, I do still love him. In the past, I couldn't say that...we've had previous problems, but now I can honestly say I love him. And I just want to get past this.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:15 pm
@ossobuco,
Maybe, I could be wrong. Can men be friends with other women, when they are married? The other women were coworkers. One funny thing...I made the other two women really mad and my husband knows how I feel about the subject now. I also, have texts and emails with the other women...that I have kept.
Ceili
 
  3  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:19 pm
@lynnbar,
I have plenty of men friends and my husband knows them all. You can be friends without condoms...
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:29 pm
@lynnbar,
Quote:
I don't have option to leave at this time and I really don't want to
In that case your options are to overlook what your husband is doing or to be fine with it. You will get a lot of prudes who will tell you that doing either is to cheat yourself, but this is your life, make up your own mind. It is not particularly rare for a couple to decide that it is OK one or both being emotionally or sexually close to others of the opposite sex other than the spouse. In this case he seems to be sleeping around before it was OK with you, which is a big problem, but you two can always come back into agreement.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:29 pm
@Ceili,
What if the condoms are not his? The one in the motel...was same brand he has used before. The ones in his truck were in a travel case and were not his brand. The travel case had lots of things it it along with the condoms. If I knew the women he was texting and complimenting, I wouldn't be as worried. I've never met them nor has he ever mentioned their names before.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:33 pm
@hawkeye10,
I'm not a person that would knowing agree to my husband having sex with another woman. I do not believe this instance involved sex, I think it was more an emotional connection to these women and he was trying to see if they would be attracted to him. By the way, the first woman told him she thought of him as a brother and wasn't interested. He had told her she was sexy and beautiful and she turned him on. This was after she was upset about her husband saying something about someone else.
Ceili
 
  2  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:35 pm
@lynnbar,
Seriously, what are the odds? I can't answer this, he's your husband. If you think it's all innocent, that's your call. To me, it sounds rather fishy, in that he's telling a fish story. The bigger the lie, the bigger the cover up. I think he's full of it. Hotels do not supply condoms or leave them in a room. Some guests would find it offensive. If you want, you can continue to believe it's all a mistake, but I call bullshit.

Knowledge talks, Wisdom listens." Jimi Hendrix
0 Replies
 
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:45 pm
@ossobuco,
I really have no proof of cheating. I've been racking my brain to find anything. He has a work phone only, cant check that out. He has a work computer only, I looked through it, but sure he deleted stuff. I still check his phone...but he knows, so Im sure there will be nothing there.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2011 08:47 pm
@Ceili,
True.

I'm not enthusiastic about this being what is going on.
0 Replies
 
 

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