7
   

My husband is becoming increasingly suspicious

 
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 06:39 pm
@lynnbar,
Lynnbar is seems that you wish to remain married no matter what so you just going to need to not see the signs that he is cheating and hope that he will not decide to leave for one of his other lovers sometime in the future.

Once more good luck.
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 06:49 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
Lynnbar is seems that you wish to remain married no matter
clearly not so, but that would not be a bad thing if it were true I think. When two people both make up their minds that divorce is not an option they will eventually come to terms. My wife and I once had a very serious disagreement , of the stuff that most people divorce over, for about 2.5 years. We are both very stubborn, so when we lock horns it can go awhile. Eventually we worked it out, but it required personal growth, when we started the fight we did not have the ability to solve it.

This is what our parents and grandparents did (for my generation...not for those born after around 1960), and there is a lot to be said for it. As I said before, almost universally now when two people get into trouble the assumption is that they should and will seperate, and if they refuse they are considered defectives (often abuser/victim). We dont really support marriage anymore, we nether fight the good fight nor encourage others to do so, we are together so long as the ******* is good when it turns not good we move on.

Pity, marriage can be so much more than that.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 07:31 pm
@lynnbar,
This reminds me of the daughter whose father is the Texas judge who repeatedly beat her with a belt. She said that she did not know any different, she thought that this is what parents do.

You have never had any other relationship, you think this is what marriage is supposed to be. Well it is not! Of course, you can do as you please and stay married and go on with your life thinking you're happy, however, a good marriage is not what you're experiencing, not at all!
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 08:37 pm
From just a cursory read, this thread reminds me of other threads here ... where people ask for advice (like information about self- publishing or how to draw textured hair, etc) ...
Then repeatedly argue (stubbornly, or rudely, or whatever ..) against almost any advice which is offered. Some of which is quite constructive. .
I'm curious .... I wonder what purpose such threads serve for the instigators, apart from the attention?
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:08 pm
@msolga,
I don't know what do you get out of responded for no reason except to amuse yourself??
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:12 pm
@lynnbar,
As I said, lynnbar, I'm curious.
What have you gained from the feedback you've received here?
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:17 pm
@CalamityJane,
Well, when you can show a marriage that has lasted 20 plus years without problems, then I might listen to that rubbish. I am a grown intelligent woman and I don't need someone telling me what marriage is suppossed to be. Marriage is dealing with the ups and downs, and it's learning how each other feels and reacts to things that come up in life. If everyone ran from marriage when things weren't always happy, no one would be married.
0 Replies
 
lynnbar
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:19 pm
@msolga,
Doesn't sound like your as curious as you are judgemental. I have listened to the people that make sense and understand this isn't a snap judgement that one makes when they are committed to a marriage.
lynnbar
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:21 pm
@msolga,
And I'm not arguing with people, I'm explaining myself and giving more details.
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:27 pm
@lynnbar,
Has your assessment of your circumstances been influenced in any way from the feedback you've received here?
I mean the condoms you found, the lies you've been told, the messages you've read, etc. ...
I think people here were simply responding to information which you provided.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:28 pm
@BillRM,
Thanks. And I have listened to all. I wanted a wide range of reactions - not sure I got that, but it does help.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:32 pm
@lynnbar,
You've given plenty of details, lynnbar. By your own admission he never compliments you, he treated you terrible, he didn't talk to you during your pregnancy, he accused you of not bearing his child, he had anger issues,
and he probably cheated on you with other women....and that's in addition to him being gone for long periods of time.

Maybe your threshold for emotional pain is a lot greater than mine, but I do not consider this a good marriage and in all these years you've been married, your husband gets worse instead of better. Be miserable and hold onto your marriage, what do I care. You came here seeking advice and just about everyone whose given you advice you started arguing with and trying to convince that in reality things are different.

There are many many marriages that have endured greater pain than what you're experiencing, but what's key to each marriage is caring, respect and a deep appreciation for each other. I can't see any of it in your marriage, by your own admission, so don't tell us this is normal, it most certainly is not.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:50 pm
@msolga,
I think a lot of people assume the worst in situations like this. But sense you only know what I have said, it should have been harder to condemn a person with that one point of view. But most people here were open to that conviction. Sometimes answers to our questions aren't simple. My assumption was exactly like all of yours...at first. And I had a hard time dealing with my assumptions. This gave me the ability to look beyond what seems to be right or wrong...and realize that when I get past the anger...I can find the truth.

I have asked him to explain every issue I had. He explained with detail each circumstance and even found ways to back up his story just to please me. He called every person that had ridden with him and found the owner of the travel case and that person picked it up. The condom in the motel was his...he had hid it for a surprize for me - he knows i love acting as if we are young teenagers in love. As far as the texts from the first woman - I talked to that woman and the man that had the bachelor party. My husband and another friend went and bought condoms to decorate for the bachelor party - they even had pictures.

The whole story to my husband complimenting the woman was - her husband was there and complimented another woman and made her mad. My husband sent her that text because she was mad and ruining everyone having a good time at a karaoke restaurant. I talked to that woman and her husband, whom were there and they confirmed it all.

I checked all my husbands stories and still wasn't sure if I was overreacting til I heard everyone on here overreacting. It is so hard to understand the truth when you don't have all the answers. Thank you for convincing me that I was overreacting and just jealous. And yes your right people were responding to what I provided them, which is what I felt at first...til I ask more questions.
lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 09:58 pm
@CalamityJane,
Yes ,I based my reactions about all this on past actions, which he has appologized for and made up for long ago. Yeah he seldom compliments me, but it shows it in other ways. And my husband does show he cares everyday I wake up, even though I forget that sometimes. And I know he appreciates me and respects me by how he spoils and pampers me when I really need it. And I realize he has a hard time showing all those things all the time, but I do know he will always be there for me...no matter what.
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 10:00 pm
@lynnbar,
OK.
You have made up your mind, lynnbar.
And, of course, that is solely your decision to make, for better or worse ...
It's just that you asked for advice, based on the information you provided & didn't appear to listen to too much of it.

Good luck.
I sincerely hope things improve a great deal for you.

lynnbar
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 10:01 pm
@CalamityJane,
Your wrong, he has gotten better in dealing with issues. He has been very calm and patient with me through all of this. He has done everything I ask, including humiliating himself and risking his job.
0 Replies
 
lynnbar
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 10:03 pm
@msolga,
Yes, I have. Listening to you all has shown me how ridiculous it was to suspect the worst without listening to the proof.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2011 10:28 pm
@lynnbar,
Quote:
shown me how ridiculous it was to suspect the worst without listening to the proof.


Lord I am beginning to get as low of an opinion of you as Hawkeye seems to had gotten.

You are on my ignore list so take care and get lost.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 02:13 am
@lynnbar,
I must have read it different, my apologies, "his other children" not "our other children".

Quote:
"No he does not compliment me...very seldom. Couldn't tell you when the last time was before all this happened. He jokes around some. I compliment him all the time and he gets sex anytime he wants and anyway he wants - so i doubt sex is the problem.
No, I haven't always loved him. We seperated about 9 yrs ago. Our marriage was terrible and he treated me terrible and was very aggressive and angry all the time and put me down all the time. I had an affair and told him to leave. We had counseling...and he did anger management. After several months, he moved back in and we tried to rebuild the marriage - dating and such.


Ask yourself seriously whether you are the one lost...You didn't always love him now you want to believe him and not anyone's response to "help" you think it through, you see it as attacking you...

You didn't love him, you had an affair I think you are trying to make up for all of that by "loving him" in your eyes, yet this person has had to go to anger management yes, and your replies are "angry" as well so I suspect you have some too..

Bottom line, is I think you were'nt happy, you are trying to be happy, you believe in the word Marriage and in all of that, plus kids, you are trying to convince yourself that he is your all...

This woman cried? Emailed you 50 , 60 times? Supposidly lied? About what?

Go away and think why? If I had nothing to hide, I'd tell you where to go, not email you 50,60 times and cry..
0 Replies
 
leelee11
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Nov, 2011 07:56 pm
@lynnbar,
i am married and yes, i have many guy friends and my husband has many women friends. the difference with this is that my husband knows and talks to all of my guy friends openly and whenever he wants to. he has their numbers too. i know all of his chick friends and they talk to me as well. if we hang out with the opposite sex, then we are with one another. it sounds like he has a control over you and he is making you feel bad for your suspicions. that is wrong. if he loved you and knew that you were feeling bad (if he really wasnt cheating) then he would stop his behavior because it bothered you. he wouldnt try to make you feel bad because you worry. i wish you the best of luck and I really feel for you, because i know how you are feeling. my previous marriage was very like this. you will eventually leave. because, even if he isnt cheating his behavior is still hurting you. that is not a way to live a marriage. if he is making you unhappy, whether he is cheating or not, you should address it. if he loved you then he will listen.
0 Replies
 
 

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