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Should I be the bearer of bad news or wait ?

 
 
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 04:34 pm
My best friend is expecting a child and her hubby has been cheating on her like forever with the same woman.We don't want to approach this lady but we know for sure that he is.The one thing that is holding me and my other girlfriend is that we know once the baby is born he's going to stop.Should she have to wait that long though?What should I do tell her that he's cheating or wait and see?I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop.For the time being she's being cheated on and we know it so if she happens to find out that we knew don't want this to break up our friendship.

On the other hand he's very nice person since they've been married he stopped going out with his friends but he lets her go away at times out of town because he trust her.Farely newlyweds so I know they are going to make it.Don't want to mess things up with her pregnancy but we don't really know what to do.What do you guys think?
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 04:40 pm
It's a well established fact that men who have children never cheat.
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 04:53 pm
@lisa1471,
lisa1471 wrote:

My best friend is expecting a child and her hubby has been cheating on her like forever cheating on her like forever? Does this mean he was cheating on her before they got married or before she became pregnant? with the same woman.We don't want to approach this lady but we know for sure that he is.The one thing that is holding me and my other girlfriend is that we know once the baby is born he's going to stop.What evidence do you have that a person who has been "cheating like forever" will suddenly stop because he fathered a child?Should she have to wait that long though?What should I do tell her that he's cheating or wait and see?I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop.This makes no sense at all.For the time being she's being cheated on and we know it so if she happens to find out that we knew don't want this to break up our friendship.

On the other hand he's very nice person since they've been married he stopped going out with his friends but he lets her go away at times out of town because he trust her. Farely newlyweds so I know they are going to make it.Sure doesn't sound like it.Don't want to mess things up with her pregnancy but we don't really know what to do.What would you do if she wasn't pregnant? What do you guys think?


0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 04:56 pm
@lisa1471,
Quote:
I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop.


You're being naive. He's obviously not satisfied with his wife or he wouldn't be cheating and now she's getting fatter and may stay fatter, she will get increasingly tired, she's about to stretch her vagina enough to fit a large grapefruit through , she might have stretchmarks, her breasts will change shape and she probably won't want him touching them anyway if she's breastfeeding, even when she feels ready to have sex again she'll probably be too tired and, sex aside , all her attention will be on the baby and not him. Meanwhile his lover will still be there at the ready to meet his needs. He's not going to stop.
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 05:05 pm
On the one hand...

no-one knows what agreement they may have regarding their sex life

we do not know how far along her pregancy is and how this could affect her, possibly make her ill, even lose the baby

we do not know how close you are to the wife or what your relationship is

we do not know if the husband is sleeping / having sex with his wife ... and if he is, could be be passing anything on to her and the baby

we don't know much really

NEITHER DO YOU

you can't possibly have faith in a man stopping an affair as soon as the baby is born - how would you possibly know that




what we do know is that men do have affairs after children come along - men and women





If it were my best friend, most dearest friend in the world... I would probably tell her if I did not think it would endanger her and the baby - but it would be a very considered "breaking news" and our level of friendship is so close. I would think she would do the same for me.



I dunno... I don't think you have enough facts / and we don't have facts... so it is very difficult for anyone here wishing to take any responsibility for you or your mates saying something to a possibly heavily pregant lady - which could have devastating circumstances - before and after the baby is born.

I'm not sure how you know about what is going on? And whatever means you took to know or find out - well, possibly, depending on the relationship you have with the husband, you could say something to him.

I think many would say it's really their business and taking a chance in a pregnancy without knowing any medical background too - well, heck, I wouldn't think it's a good plan. The wife ad babies well being is what I would consider important right now.
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 05:22 pm
@Izzie,

Thanks everyone although this is a tough one.To the response on if we had enough facts , oh it's proven he's definatly sleeping with this lady and was seen with her lip locking and going into a place they shouldn't be going together and it was more than once.Even found out it's been going on for a long time so it's almost like an affair I guess you want to call it.She's due couple mos so that's why we say maybe wait but if it's not my business I'm even scared to approach him about it.He may make a lie or something and tell her.Not to sure but as far as everything else like I said he's a good man if he stop running around on her with this woman.I'm tempting to approach her.
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 05:35 pm
@lisa1471,
2 months to go...

Personally, unless as I stated, she was my closest friend in the world... I doubt I could do that to/for a heavily pregnant lady.

I hope others come along and give their opinions as I'm stepping out now as it's late over here.

IMO - I think it is quite risky but I am thinking of the pregnancy and the whole rollercoaster of emotion and fallout if the wife has no idea. The shock could bring on pre-term labour.


Good luck with what you decide to do.

Please A2K - someone else step in here!
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 05:41 pm
@lisa1471,
"I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop"


then leave sleeping dogs lie...

and don't go wrecking things beyond your control.
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 05:54 pm
@MonaLeeza,
When I said forever , he cheated on her before with someone else in the beginning of their marriage which is fairly new.About 3yrs now.This was before and the beginning of their marriage.Now he's been dealing with this other woman yr before she even got pregnant it's just that he is still with her while she is pregnant.What I would do if she wasn't pregnant same thing we been pondering this for a while just got more serious because she is pregnant.
0 Replies
 
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:14 pm
@chai2,
That's why I have faith and don't want to tell..
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:16 pm
@Izzie,
Yeah but babies bring couples closer so I wanted to atleast give him a chance.I've been around them when a baby was around and his eyes lid up every time he looked at this baby so I know that this is it.He's not gonna do her wrong no more.He can't wait to be a dad.Why mess things up for her but it's the fact that I know.Wish he stop now.
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:17 pm
@Rockhead,
ok that's what I thought...leave it alone then
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:23 pm
@lisa1471,
lisa1471 wrote:

That's why I have faith and don't want to tell..


You're kidding, right?

I sure was.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:24 pm
@lisa1471,
lisa1471 wrote:

Yeah but babies bring couples closer so I wanted to atleast give him a chance.I've been around them when a baby was around and his eyes lid up every time he looked at this baby so I know that this is it.He's not gonna do her wrong no more.He can't wait to be a dad.Why mess things up for her but it's the fact that I know.Wish he stop now.


With all this talk about how much you know how it's going to be with him, are you sure you're not the one making time with him?
0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  4  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 07:47 pm
@lisa1471,
Quote:
Yeah but babies bring couples closer

That is most definitely not always the case and I've seen a lot of relationships falter when the first child is born. Everything changes and it takes a lot of readjusting. Throw in the possibility that the child might be born with a disability or other health issues which can put additional stress on a couple. I don't have an opinion on whether you should tell your friend or not, I'm just stunned that you think this baby is going to miraculously fix things.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  5  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 08:25 pm
@lisa1471,
Stay out of it, Lisa!
It is their marriage and they will work it out. It is not your job to interfere,
no matter what you know or think you know. I almost can guarantee you
that you will lose your friend should you tell her about her husband's infidelities.
She will resent you for being the one who told her and who knows, they might work it out and she might forgive him, but she never will forgive you.

I repeat, other peoples marriage is none of your business - butt out!
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 09:54 pm
@CalamityJane,
<agree with Calamity Jane>
0 Replies
 
Ceili
 
  4  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 10:47 pm
My friend once told her best friend that the guy she was marrying was a cheat. They didn't talk for years. 3 children and a few affairs later, the woman got rid of the husband and then refriended my friend. I'll bet this woman knows, deep down - she knows. Telling her will only embarrass her and will only drive her away from you. When she's ready, she'll dump the bum. Right now, she's preggers and needs support. So leave it be. None of your business, just be there when she decides enough is enough....
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BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2011 10:57 pm
@CalamityJane,
Agree
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2011 06:08 pm
What gets me is the OP says she's known "forever" that he's been cheating (translation: about 3 years).

All of a sudden Now she feels the need to let her friend know her husbands a cheat?

She sounds like someone who can't keep their mouth shut about anything. I don't believe she's known for that long. If she did, she would have been asking (not necessarily here) long ago.

0 Replies
 
 

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