Ark Building 101

I smell Ararat.

Honestly, I have Noah idea how to build an ark.

A cubit is 18", except when it's 20", which don't include when it's 22". Now, you can't be usin' yer floor anyway, 'cause ya need gopher wood. Yer gonna spend a mint gettin' exotic wood.

DrewDad, Excellent groaners, kid.

Thanks for the cubit info, Set. Not tremendously specific, but close enough. How do you know what kinda wood my floors are? And I'll use whatever kinda wood I damned well please. I'm running this operation.

<groan >



Boida - you'll need a plan

this should help a LOT




and more caulk, definitely more caulk

40 days and nights is quite awhile you're gonna want to have a good supply of toilet paper, and plenty of kitty litter, there are quite a few species of cats going along with you.

Iffen ya don't use gopher wood, God ain't gonna rain on ya no more, he'll piss all over ya . . .

Genesis Chapter Six, Verse Fourteen:

Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.

Don 't be pissin' the Old Boy off, Boida . . .

Which brings up another point . . . yer gonna need pitch. I recommend pine tar . . .

Izzie, I appreciate your good intentions, but I'm not gonna build a boat with a round bottom. I may be inexperienced, but I ain't dumb. (This goil is trying to kill me.)

Wayne, As I mentioned earlier, I'm ruminating about the excretion situation. I may just have the animals take a dump over the side. Sigh.

Set, I have already been sufficiently pissed on by whoever is running the show. I heard no voices, had no visions. I'm on my own. I'll build this thing the way I want to. And gopher wood is not part of the plan.

Edgar told me I need planks. I got enough trouble making planks from parquet floors without worrying about the kind of wood the planks are made of. I think my floors are oak. That's wood. It will float. C'est tout.

Pitch?! The only pitch I know about is what Mariano Rivera does at Yankee Stadium.

Isn't caulk good enough?

Do what ya want . . . you'll have to deal with Mr. Big if it don't meet with His approval . . .

I do have to say that i find Izzie's plans too complicated . . .

Set, I have never been one to worry about approval. I'll take my chances.

Yes, Izzie's plans are very complex. But the bigger problem is that they're goofy. I'm not building a boat with a round bottom.

I've never built a boat before. But I've been on boats. Never been on one with a round bottom. Don't plan to start now.

I must say I really expected more help from this group. All you guys are doing is bringing up obstacles. Obstacles. And more ostacles. Don't care. I'll proceed on my own. I live on the eighth floor. I've got time to work things out.

Ya got 39 days and counting - best get a move on Boida, the rain's a comin'!




<if I ask you realllllllly nicely and send you waterproof caulk, would you please take my two dawgs and two kitties... save them Boida, save them, I will teach them to dump over the side...>

we had one of those storms roll through yesterday afternoon, except we call them "stahms"...

'boida's Ark.
has a nice ring to it...

Iz querida, It's been raining here all summer. Forty days. Shmorty days. It'll still be raining when I finish.

As much as I'd love to help you in the animal department, Iz, I need animals that can multiply. I don't mean they have to be able to do arithmetic. I mean they have to be able to shtupp and produce. But the prelearned dumping over the side is an attraction. I'll let you know.

reg, And who else's ark would it be? Glad you like the way it sounds.

So that wasn't my imagination last night when the rain cascaded over the windows.

Can't help in ark building as I am essentially a failure with wood products...except for throwing them in a fireplace or on a campfire. Be sure to contact me if the animals start tearing each other up and it becomes a crime scene, I can help destroy the evidence. Make sure you have a few gallons of flammable liquids (to destroy the evidence I believe in arson, which isn't a crime, is it, at least not when related to floods)...according to the man on the television the other day, rubber cement is quite easy to ignite...so don't use it as a sealant or near the engine room...your ark must have an engine room, Bloomy said so on his weekly radio address. I can get you a good deal on a Bessemer engine, delivery is not included.

farmerman's a boat builder. How come you never can find a technician when you want one?

No, Sturgis, you were not hallucinating. Rain came down in sheets. It seemed almost like a cohesive mass of water was pouring down, not by drops. I didn't come up with the ark idea for no reason. Who sees rain like that. In Noo Yawk, no less.

I appreciate the advice and arson offer. I tell you, these animals are getting to be a genuine pain in the ass.

You're not good with wood products? And I don't know nuttin' about engines. I think I may have seen one a couple of times. Not sure. Is Bessemer a good kind? Is it expensive? If it is, I'll just get an engine from a car that floats by.

Edgar, Farmerman is a boat builder? You might think I want him to participate in this thread. I don't. He'll just confuse me with information. I'd rather wing it.

I've got too much information already.

There's an idea! Put wings on the ark, that way if a pirate vessel comes after you, it'll be easy to escape.

As to cost of Bessemer engines (and any other engine) I haven't the slightest idea, never actually bought one myself. Since there's a Cooper-Bessemer corporation and they're responsible for engine making, maybe they'll have one over at Cooper Union you can borrow indefinitely (odds are they'll be flooded over as well and won't be coming after you once their paper work and computers are washed away).

If the Cooper Union can't help, there's one down by Station Square in Pittsburgh...although it is secured to the ground...

Here's an image of what the winged ark should look like when completed

I dreamt of rain last night/this morning. Hence, possibly, the whole vision thing has been fulfilled.

I also had to pee when I woke up.

Coincidence? I think not.

So, um, I heard you're bringing Mariano Rivera with you?