sozobe wrote:But what you are talking about has been no sex before marriage, than sex after. A journey that goes something like: meet---> talk ---> fall in love ---> get married --> have sex.
People do this -- they get married first, and then have sex for the first time. But there is this big giant unknown about sexual compatibility. As others have said, I have been with people I really, truly loved, while the sex was... eh. I would be quite panicky if after say a month of attempts, the sex with the person I had just committed to spending the rest of my life with was... eh.
<nods> that was what i meant, as well - about how sex may not be
the most important thing in the grand scheme of life, but if it
doesn't work (even in spite of the best of intentions) - well, perhaps it's sad that it's so, but it
can get badly in the way of life-long togetherness ...
Oh, cause, in reply to Piffka, I think you always
know - or get to know, at some point in time - if you're unfulfilled ... no matter if you've never been with anyone else. Not that that's the end-all of it - you can always try to do something about it together, but sometimes it's just ... eh. Like Soz sd ;-)
Portal Star wrote:malarky - you mentioned that you would feel dishonest if you didn't go over.... every...past.....sexual...experience..... And you made it sound like that's what you would make your poor wife do, too! As if she were admitting each of them as sins to you and then you would have to forgive, like confessing to a priest then having to count the rosary beads. (And a jealous priest at that!) that is no way to start an equal and loving sexual relationship.
Gonna just highlight this bit, too, cause again it expresses the sense of alarm I had about your remarks earlier better than the long-winded way I tried to explain it ...
I mean, you probably will want to talk about, you know, the things you lived through before you met the other, once you've discovered each other and want to make up for lost time - thats natural, like you said. But having your partner
demand you to divulge all - like it's something you owe it to him to confess - is quite a different beast. That bit was a bit creepy, yeh. 'Member -
noone likes to be made to feel dirty - especially if, outside of the particular morals of that person, there's really no reason to feel dirty, at all.
But - you did say that you're also revising/learning/changing your views along the way ... and it seems this was one you already kinda thought again about, so ... <nods>.
And I think it's great, really, I mean, I was rather taken aback by your posts at first, too, but you really do come across as someone who just wants to
test his views, bounce 'em off honestly, take some criticism in your stride and adapt some of your points as you go along, while not necessarily giving in ... I dont get that "obsession" thing others mention and make fun about. You're just curious, and wanna discuss your theories like these, just like one would want to discuss some political hypotheses or something.
Perhaps you're a little
too theoretical about it all, tho ... :wink:
