How well do you think we know each other?

I thought you were male!

Funny, I am in much more spontaneous here, than in real life. Judging from the fact that many people IRL at some point tell me "You're nothing like I thought you were when we first met" I guess it would be the general consensus people here don't know me well at all.

About 2 months ago, I met someone that works at the same company I do at a large meeting. I don't believe we ever spoke (on the phone) more than 3 or 4 times in as many years. However, she must have thought she knew me from circumstances. As she was leaving she blurted out (she obviously didn't know she was going to say this, as her face immediately reddened) "You're not at ALL what I thought you'd be like. You're Lovely!"

What I have realized, is that many here for instance, who seem to have a problem with me, are actually more like me than they would care to admit.
I think my off the cuff remarks here many time reflect what people have a momentary flash of, then supress in their writing because of this chance to think about it.

I'm that imp of a thought here that happens in people brains when they think "you're an asshole/****/bitch/idiot" that quickly sits down before it jumps out of their mouth.

"you're an asshole/****/bitch/idiot" doesn't jump out of my mouth either IRL, but I think sometimes I make people uncomfortable here, having to confront that their brains do the same thing.

In other words, here, on A2K, I think the more you don't like me, the more I'm actually just like you. That's hard to look at sometimes.

Oh, sorry....in brief.....I'm a lovely person. As David said, I'm not a table banger, or screamer/yeller.

<shrugs>

Whatever.

That's okay, Roberta, I like detours - oftentimes it shows you a different scenery - aspect in this case. To answer your question: it's simply emotions!
If you're emotionally vested in a topic you'll argue differently and it can get
out of hands at times, as with Cyclo and Fin, but both seem to respect each other. Frank Aspisa was another one who could get outraged in a discussion, but calmed down for others.

Having said that, however, I would separate the perpetual instigators of foul language and nasty replies from the ones who get at each others throat over a topic. I know that there are people here who are just plain nasty.

Cyclo, Your response inspired a lightbulb moment for me. My first response here referred to a lack of spontaneity--we're writing, not talking.

For this reason, no one here truly knows me, as open as I've been about myself. I have no patience and a terrible temper. I've learned over the years to control myself--in person. It's easier here. I have time to compose a response that doesn't rip somebody's head off. I do care about not hurting or insulting people.

I was going to say the same thing...

Oh...Some people have said that they feel they know what someone is like, by the general tone of their posts.
I wonder if they are unconsciously giving more weight to posts that they decided reflects their impression of the person.

It's like eathing a pizza with everything on it. You get bites of mushroom, which you like, and a mouthful of pepperoni, which you hate. In between there're onions sausage, black olives and extra sauce, which you like or don't like to different degrees.

Are you gonna pay more attention to the mushrooms, pepperoni or black olives, or realize they are all part of the package?

That's an art form that some of us (including myself) need to learn Roberta.

More patience and forethought, less knee-jerkish reactions.

But you are so much more than queer. That's just part of who you are.

I'll be honest, I never gave much thought as to what you were like, until you posted about your lovely turtles, and your home renovations.

From that I learn you are caring toward creatures, are a stickler for doing things right, your home is important to you, etc. etc. etc. as well as the BTW I'm queer.

Jane, I respect debate and disagreement. I don't respect nastiness and meanness. People trying to hurt others and hiding behind their anonymity.

I think finn's acidic comments are designed to see if he can shake your cool - get you to say something you don't want to be quoted as saying. In the end, he's no threat.

yeah, edgar, not necessarily finn, but I've seen other posters who just try to bait you.

I don't understand getting pleasure from that.

The posters you refer to are likely on my ignore list. If not all, most. I do believe in that feature and feel no need to justify myself for using it. My on line experience has been much more pleasant since I learned to use it without guilt.

I feel the same.

However, using my pizza with everything theory above, I have sometimes unignored someone, realizing maybe they were going through a rough patch in life, or some other reason.

Sometimes I re-ignore them, sometimes I don't.

I've been back and forth with some people several times.

It's a matter of what I personally feel like dealing with at the moment.

Nothings forever.

Ditto.

I don't think we can make gender-based generalizations. Unless a name is obvious, i default to an assumption that i'm dealing with a male, or just avoid the issue. Certainly that testosterone BS which has been peddled in this thread lately is just that--BS. When people guess, in my case, they most often guess that i'm female. I just had to pee, and i'm 99% certain that i'm male, based on that experience. Nasty behavior is not attributable to gender.

When i look at earlier posts in these fora, i'm often amazed at the lengths that i went to to avoid giving offense. These days, i no longer care. If i feel i'm being insulted or bullied, i respond in like kind. I'd do the same thing in real life--although in real life, people are much less likely to pull that **** on others. There was a bad period i went through when i lashed out at just about anybody whom i saw as insulting or bullying me. I calmed down from that, but i know i still have a bad reputation. I don't care. If someone f*cks we me, they get it back in spades. The usual result is either that they leave me alone, or they treat me better. That's my object, so i'm satisfied.

Hmmm… this question has been invading my thoughts most of the day so rather than it spinning around, fingers to keyboard…

When I first came here, for reasons known now to many, I was at a point of living within the confines of my head. I learned to talk (the hind leg off a donkey) openly and honestly with strangers and found enormous support and help with sifting thru things I had to deal with, physically and mentally. Those strangers in a very short time became very important in my life and, a few I believe, will always be a part of my everyday life.

3.5 years later I think of A2K as the family I choose, or choose not to, talk to a point with and can be myself to a point with, but that I also find myself living within the confines of my head again at times.

However, I also have found thru my limited experience on the internet, that for the past year I now measure my words because I am far more cynical of people. I’ve mebbe learned quite a lot or not enough because I do concern myself about hurting people - to the point of my wellbeing being less important than mine - which makes no sense at all and is something I am probably now rectifying.

There are some here who goad for the sake of goading, there are many here who I believe are completely genuine in their postings and are here for whatever reasons brought/bring them to the internet, and then there are others who give an online persona and actually, in real life, are not quite all they appear to be. Overall, I do think most people I believe I know are genuine in their postings and the persona they portray and I’ve been blessed to meet a good number of folk here.

I think there is a definite familial feel good factor here and I know my reasons for being here are genuine and what I say out loud is how I feel. However, what I don’t say out loud is also how I feel, and due to the community being what it is here, I find myself having to keep a lot of my feelings shut down tight… for the same reasons I came to A2K – because if you say things out loud, especially to family – in real life or cyberly – the proverbial can of worms opens.

What amazes me is when people believe that they know what I am feeling or thinking more than I do; they believe they know me better than I know myself, they think they have a right to tell me what I’m doing wrong in my life – which is actually a life that is a complete and total figment of their imagination and is in actual fact, not my life at all. I don’t have a clue how that happens, truly I don’t. I find it incredible that actually – a few people who I thought “knew me”, do not know me at all – it’s all just make believe BS. Which kinda makes me a tad stupid and certainly far more wary of people who choose to play games with other peoples lives.

I can’t really remember when I last had to raise my voice and be a Class A Bitch - but strangely, cyberly – that’s a side of me that a few people have now seen, albeit privately. When push comes to shove, sometimes I do react – to be told that ‘at least I reacted’. Not many folk would know that side of me because it’s never been necessary and I don’t intend to allow it to happen again.

That’s where familiarity breeds contempt in my opinion and it can hurt “cyberly” as much as it would do in “real life” when your whole being is provoked into reacting to others actions online.

So, all in all, yes, I do believe you can get a feeling about people and people can get a feeling about you – some I choose to have nothing do with (and vice versa) as their views I find quite disturbing - but I also believe that there are folk on this board who I can truly say I love what I know about them from the bottom of my heart even tho I haven’t met them – and I will tell them so and frequently, that’s really the only thing I won’t compromise on, with that aspect I couldn’t give a crahp whether others “get it” or don’t.

There are also a couple folk where I can’t explain the connection, it transcends any reasonable understanding – yet the trust is there and it will remain there until I get to see a different side of a person. If that happens, well, live and learn I guess. My instincts are improving now.

As with any family… or community… we do all seem to come together when the chips are down and when there are times to celebrate… there are parts of the family you don’t talk to and there are parts of the family that you converse with, listen to, and accept them for who they are, warts and all, or tolerate as you scroll on by, walking on the other side of the street as it were. There are also sides of the family where you realise that what you see or know, is not what everyone else sees, knows or perceives, so, in my opinion, there needs to be a compromise.

We should be able to agree to disagree with perceptions of others – there shouldn’t have to be side-taking… but of course, that does happen; but, at the end of the day, everyone has a right to their privacy… and everyone has a right to express themselves if they so choose without the world interfering. When you’re online, it’s your choice whether or not you read things and what you read into things – unfortunately, I do read a lot into what folk say and once or twice bitten, thrice shy. Interpreting others words can be a minefield – you just gotta make sure you don’t keep blowing up to written words!!!! It just ‘aint worth the hassle or the heartache.

I choose to be part of this community and fortunately, so far, I have found a community where I feel blessed to be a part of and feel I’m accepted by many as I am - I believe I know a little and, with some, a lot about a few people around the world and am willing to take a chance on meeting people and there are people I simply KNOW I will meet when it’s possible to do so – but I also realise that when you meet people that as much as it can be good, it can also be difficult when what you thought you knew or wished to believe, you can be so wrong. Then you end up second guessing for a while until you find a comfort zone again.

There are people here whom I wish at times I could take their shoes and walk their mile – because that is how much I feel for them… I can’t bear to think of what some folk have to go thru - but that’s life and it’s truly amazing how the community kicks in when folk need help or support. Opposing views can be put to the side as has been mentioned earlier in the thread. I guess, certainly for me, there is a lot of mutual respect here for many people – just as there is in a real life community or family.

However, the inherent trust I had when I first came here, <call it naivity> thru time, has actually diminished. I think it ought to be the other way around – which comes back to the question – how well do we know one another?

Well enough to stick around through the best and worst of times. There are a lot of special folk here. I know who I trust… and whom I don’t.

Would ya recognise me in a crowd – prolly not unless you spotted my camera

Love it!

Lots of bits in there, mostly spot on about lots of things.

I think, too, that we sometimes get to know people better than the general community knows them -- and this goes back to what I was saying about knowing folks as well as they choose to let us know them -- and we can form opinions of some that are outside the norm.

Jane mentioned folks who are plain nasty. I think there are few people here, if any, who would garner the title of plain nasty. There was an example earlier in the thread where someone mentioned CI as being a candidate. But, yet, Jane and I have both seen (know?) CI as a person who is charming and charismatic. Given the way they'd interacted with each other on the forum, the day that CI and O'Bill spent the afternoon together in camaraderie and fun at the Chicago gathering was one for the record books. But Jane and I can both acknowledge (I think) that there are sides of certain people that we don't recognize as the people we "know".

I can honestly say that I know some people well; that I've made real friendships here that will, hopefully, last a lifetime. But there are others who, once they revealed more of their real selves to me, made me regret that I'd ever joined this forum.

C'est la vie.

Yes, you're right JPB, and I want to believe that cicerone only lashes out when he's on political threads - politics and religion have started many wars, as we know. He's such a gentle soul in person and I am still fond of him.

JPB, I think the problem with larger a2k gatherings is, that you also meet people who you're not so fond of and it can sour the entire meeting. I remember when some of us met in San Francisco and Roxxxanne showed
up. He/she was really nasty here on a2k and I think it dampened the entire gathering somewhat for some of us.

georgeob1 (we met at his yacht club) never lived down to the
ridicule he got from his peers for having Roxxxanne in the group.

Wow! Now, there's a name (or six!!!) from the past.

I want to get back to this for a minute before Finn, rightly, takes me to task for my post. I didn't mean to infer that Finn was a bully or blowhard turning to this community for caring and compassion when a need arose. I don't think he was turning to the community with any expectation in mind at all. He was simply putting his feelings to words and posting them here as a place to post them. I do think he was surprised, pleasantly so, from the response that he received - that there are many people here who do care about us as individuals, regardless of how we sometimes post.

Such a great and telling response which is an insightful look into how people may view others on here.