How well do you think we know each other?

Great question.

If members have not actually met one another in person, in most cases they know virtually nothing of one another.

I will guarantee you that members who meet me in person will walk away with a very different impression of who Finn is.

Here's why:

1) This is the story of Finn's life. Most people with whom I work consider me a hard-ass achiever who has no use for social dances. However....when they spend time with me in a casual setting, I inevitably hear..."You're nothing like what I expected."

2) This is Virtual Land! I dont ever expect to meet any of y'all and so I don't really care whether or not I piss you off.

So you're suggesting that it's OK to upset, insult, and/or piss off people because you'll never meet them? As if, somehow, people you communicate with but will never meet have no feelings, no emotional reactions toward someone who is rude or unfeeling?

Do you deal with people on the phone (whom you may never meet) the same way, or are the people in cyber land the sole targets?

You and I have had very little contact here. I don't know you or what you say to people. And you don't know me. Does this mean I'm fair game?

I think a person can know the essence of a person through their writings, definitely. There's a difference between everyone's posts, and you get a sense of who they are. So in that sense, over time we can know one another very well, depending on how much we share, of course. There wouldn't have been any A2K gatherings if people weren't interested, and they wouldn't have been interested if they hadn't got a sense of who they were. Some people want (or don't want) to meet each other based on their interaction here, so obviously they've 'gotten to know' them.

Yes.

I think that's true for a number of folks who use online communities in a different manner than for social connection. There was another thread where some folks said they enjoy "******* with people" just because it's fun. And, they can get away with it here without a punch in the nose. It's their main use of the forum.

Different strokes.

But there's also the social connection side of A2K which is prevalent for many of us. Finn, too, saw the social connection side of A2K when a personal situation arose that he dropped here as a safe place to put his thoughts. He was somewhat surprised, as I recall, at the outpouring of sympathy and compassion he received.

There are those of us who do care about the person behind the personae and those who don't so much. And, yet, in many cases I've seen the bullies and blowhards turn to this community for caring and compassion when a need arose.

J, I know that people have different kinds of connections with people here. I certainly know there's a social connection--and an intellectual connection. A connection of common interests.

I'm trying to understand why people behave badly. What pleasure does it give them to be unkind? And why?

Not my business, not my concern. Just mystified.

I think it was a msolga thread that delved deeply into that aspect. I'll see if I can bring a link.

It's not jumping out at me. Perhaps someone else remembers it and can post a link.

My takeaway message was that it's a testosterone thing and places like A2K allow those who, in a prior era, would sling it out in the streets or at a saloon can do so here without repercussions. In other words, because they can.

J, I found one of olga's threads about trolls. I'm not exactly talking about trolls. But close enough.

A testosterone connection suggests that the unpleasant people I'm referring to are only men. Who knew?

It was a msolga thread, but the ironic thing was it turned into another nasty testosterone marking your territory thread.
Most of the culprits are men but I've seen JTT and High Seas give as good as they get.

On another note there was a time about a year after I joined when I think I fell in love with a poster. I don't remember her name but I remember sometimes dreaming about her at night. Knowing her only through her posts made it seem more intense than real life perhaps because I never saw a negative side, only the positive.
In time she left the forum and my feelings subsided.

There are a half dozen men and women here who I feel I know extremely well and care for a lot.The one time I went to a group meeting in Florida I enjoyed meeting all the A2Kers, especially Roger.
But on the whole, I'd rather not meet the people I interact with here; seems to keep it more special.

Well, even women have testosterone -- some more than others. I'm sure we've got a mean girl, or two, as well, but I think that behavior is mostly on the men side of the discussions.

That made me smile, panz. I'm not sure why, exactly, but it did.

Re JTT -- I'm fairly certain that JTT is a guy which brings me to what I was going to say about the original topic question. I think we know people as well as they want us to know them. Some folks wear their lives on their sleeves here and others go so far as to blur whether they're male or female (I recall FreeDuck saying she did that in the beginning too). There are also folks who are a characterization of a personae as well as those who don't give a **** one way or the other.

I see this group as if we were all co-workers in a large work setting. Some I'd want to have lunch with; others I'd join for dinner outside of work. Still others I nod politely to as we pass in the hall and many who I could pick out by name and reputation but wouldn't begin to think that I "know" them in any way.

Funny how we disagree on JTT, but freeduck was a female from the moment I read her posts. She couldn't hide that nurturing motherly charisma.

I have thought of jtt as of the feminine gender, but can't give a reason why.

Oh, me too. No doubt. There's just something about the righteous indignation, combined with the passive-aggressive bullshit, that screams 'female' to me.

Cycloptichorn

I always thought of JTT as male. Males can also be self-righteous and passive-agressive. (And wimpy too - take me for example.)

I hope this doesn't sound wrong, but I was always more concerned about JTT's nationality. No one is more anti-American than JTT.

I am torn with JTT too. Some have suggested (strangely enough they were all men) that she's a woman, whereas I think like JPB, that JTT is a guy. I've seen him in the home improvement threads (last one was from dadpad) giving good advice - wouldn't be your average woman then.
---

I would not put too much emphasis on being nice here. We all have our good and bad days, and if you post on a daily basis, the good, the bad and the ugly sides will come out at times. I am certainly not a goody-two-shoe and don't sugarcoat things, we have plenty of those around where you hardly get a straight answer, but I never would single out a person and go after them with a vengeance. The ones I don't like I hardly respond to at all, much better this way.

There's probably few people who have traded more acid comments and barbs than Finn and I, here on A2K; at least, non-trolly people. But I have to tell ya two things about it: first, I don't take it personally and I doubt he does either; and second, people only show such emotion towards others who are worth talking to.

People who aren't worth discussing issues with are simply ignored. The fact that someone would even care enough to GET upset is a mark of respect in itself.

As to the larger question - how well do you think we know each other? - I feel that I know some people very well, and I feel that through my opinions written here, that many here (who have bothered to read my posts) know me and my true opinions better than almost everyone in my regular life. There's just a freedom to be yourself, here.

I have heard, though, that some people have a difficult time feeling like they know someone unless they have seen a picture of them. Seeing IS believing, as they say. So here's a pic of me:



... on my wedding day, happiest day of my life, in Maui, Hawaii.

Cycloptichorn

Jane, I don't put any emphasis on being nice. I'm just trying to understand why some people are outright mean and nasty.

I didn't mean to get the thread off topic. Someone said something on topic, and I took a little detour.

....and after having met you, I can attest that he's such a nice and caring person - muy sympatico as we say down here.