How well do you think we know each other?

I don't think for one moment that people would see me as who I really am - a 72 year old, high maintenance Liberace impersonating drag queen from Upper Bavaria, who doubles up as a professional tutu designer, seamstress and sex phone operator in my spare time.
I wouldn't dream of telling anyone this stuff online, but fear I may have let my guard slip once or twice on the "Daddy had a harbour seal" thread.

There have been no nosey enquiries so far, so I think I've got away with it.

In the grand scheme of things, I haven't been here very long. I have ,though, been here long enough to begin to enjoy the company of the many posters I've read on A2k.
I think the nature of the written word lets us get to know each other on a different level here, than we might in the physical world.
This is an intellectual world, here on the internet.

I believe the person that I am on A2k is the real, intellectual me. I post my real and present thoughts and beliefs here, without fear.

I hadn't really spoken with Dys, although I'd seen him around on a regular basis.
He was that interesting looking old guy I used to see at the grocery store, from time to time. The one I had yet to find opportunity to open a conversation with.

I felt a sense of loss when I read of his passing today.
He was a member of my community, a contributor to the richness of life.
I felt a bit too confused to post in the other thread, not quite sure what I should say.
I would have felt funny offering my condolences there, as if I hadn't earned that right.

An A2K lady arrived in NY
and called me for dinner (as agreed).
During our first fone call, she said that I am "exactly" like I post
in this forum, but in a restaurant over dinner, she said that she 'd expected me
to be louder n more emphatic than I am. I think she expected me to pound the table.

(In those days, I made much greater use of larger, colored fonts than I do now.)





David

I dont think we know each other, I think that if we post honestly that we show tiny bits of who we are, but there is no context so what we show can not be understood. Re Dys, I dont think I knew him at all, but I did get a feeling that had I known him I would have liked him a lot.

We met Tai Chi for the first time at a South Asian street festival in Toronto. I was walking down the street when i was approached by this diminutive woman who said: "You're Set, right?" However, what i heard was: "You're set, right?" I don't think of myself as "Set" anywhere but online--in the "real" world i think of myself by the given name i use. (By the way, i do think of this world as a real world.) So i was wondering what sort of game this woman was trying to run on me.

What was extraordinary is that she recognized me--and i never did think to ask how she knew me.

It is impossible to have seen Thomas with the Little Dogs and to think of him as intimidating.

I'm pretty much as weird and offbeat in the out there as I am here along with a few parts of serious. People would probably be able to spot me in a visually just from some of the descriptions that have been placed here at times.
I'm relatively private person that has left seas of information off of the Internet and even in day to day there are some things which only a few know about and there are some things which I've never voiced to anybody. Would I be who people have decided I am? Hard to say and it doesn't matter.

In the live world I'm not usually the first person people want to approach but once they know me they like me they really like me. (in my medical stay of 2009 there were people visiting every day more than a 100 of them...yes, I kept a list, it stunned me and stumped me. Why come see me? )

Similar to here, in the live world, I don't have much tolerance for idiocy, bullying and a few other things. In person if I am annoyed, it's written on my face and by my muttering (which is usually louder than I expected.

We talk about A2K and A2Kers pretty much every single day. It's hard for me to recall a day in the last, I kid you not, seven or eight years when we didn't say something about it. And by we I mean RP and me.

As for who we are, we are probably both more "verbal" online than in person. I find myself sitting back and listening at gatherings, and only offering a comment here and there. That is not just true of A2K get-togethers but of most times when I'm in a large group. I suppose that's just how I interact with people. It's not that I have nothing to say; it's more that I often can't seem to find a way to break into a conversation, I think. Being online allows me to choose my words more carefully, too, as I'm able to reflect more and get the wording right (right-er). No such editing software while speaking.

I interview for Community Manager jobs these days, and I read about Community Management, and often the experts and the supervisors have fewer years under their belt doing this than I do. I read about how they handled the first death on their site, whereas we have seen, what, ten here? And they don't get any easier, or better. There is no template, no set way to be and act and post and feel. This is a city.

I think I'd be recognized -- there is the deafness filter, which exists in person but does not exist in print/pixels. But I think the content of what I say, how I say it, the basic me-ness is pretty similar either way.

I agree with dlowan that I tend to show different parts to different people in general though and I'm sure there is some of that. I was thinking of that recently re: Facebook, that many of my friends are very different from each other and it's weird to think of all of them reading the same things. Usually I modulate a lot more.

With my old friend P, who is very funny (he's good friends with a founder of the Onion and has supplied ideas that they've used), I'd tend to construct my sentences more carefully and go for a more surreal/ goofy/ allusive tone. We can have long conversations that are entirely bullshit but are so dry that people listening/reading along wouldn't be quite sure (until one of us breaks down and cracks up, in person -- that's an unspoken goal, to be the last to break).

Then I have the posse of local mom friends who take a very, very different tone -- the dryness is usually lost on them (more than a few times they've taken something I've said literally that was not meant to be taken literally), and interactions with them tend to be warm, supportive, and largely irony-free. While he hasn't said anything about it, I'm sure that if P reads that stuff he is shocked and appalled.

One thing that's nice about A2K is that since everyone has had the chance to see everything I've said from day 1, I don't have to worry about mystifying people to the same degree.... people here know that I can be both goofy and serious, drily sarcastic and warmly maternal, unflappably calm and seriously fired-up, etc., etc.

Obviously, silence cannot be used as a communication tool on A2K like it can in the "Non virtual" world.

I don't think of you as an oddball at all in the negative sense. I think you exemplify courage of your convictions. I view you as a trustworthy poster...a hard quality to come by and communicate in an online community.

Furthermore, I think of you as a non-mainstreamer and not an in-the-box-thinker. Exactly where has traditional, conformist thinking gotten the world?

If your way of being creative be an odd-ball way, may we ALL be odd-balling it...often!

I’ve been reading here so long I feel I do know the character of many, and while that’s not the same as knowing them, it’s enough that I have great affection for some…and respect and regard for many more… I guess that’s strange in a way, especially when I know very well many don’t know I’m in the room at all, but I can’t help it. I see and hear people here. I relate.

I’m not exactly a prolific poster so I think I generally have more…presence, in real life.

HA ! ! !





. . . ok i was only kiddin', don't hurt me . . .

I can reach up to punch you in the knee cap you know.

Hey, you have plenty of presence here!

Definitely one of those names that gets me to open any thread if I see it.

The thing about online communities and personna is that people see online postings in a snap-shot form and format. So the perception is that for that moment in time...subject to an individuals perceptions about what those word's mean to them at the time...they formulate an opinion - sometimes a wrong perception or even a superficial one.

However, an injustice may occur as the person may not go back and read or re-read every word or every comment that person wrote. So creation of an objective opinion of any individual can be variable....and/or even unjust. Sometimes posters don't edit their posts much or at all and as a result, stream-of-consciousness posting results. This can set a bad example and p-people can misrepresent themsleves, but that is not exactly the issue here.

Using a general perception of my online personna as a personal example, by some (or maybe the majority) of the A2K community, the perception is that I can be a major scold. Over time, I perceive that many people avoid making comments and engaging with me. I'm neither sad nor happy about this, as I am aware that it's a reaction to a snapshot of me..or better said..my online personna on A2K. This is only but a slivver of who I am. Of course, like many I'd liked to be better liked, but it's not a goal I seek. "It am what it am!"

Objectively, I know that the perception (of being a scold) has been true, at times. However, there are many times that I have hung in there with some individuals and/or posts and provided my strong support for people, too.

However, the nature of online communities and perceptions is that only a snapshot of that person is taken..and a superficial view is formed. People often don't got to the trouble of one-on-one discussion or in-depth review of more than a handful of comments.

So people on the whole don't get to know very many people at all well. And rarer still is when people go to the effort of meeting someone or dialogue with them as you would in real-time relationship.

OK, pardon my ramble, but suffice it to say...allow this post to be a message: when you think you know someone, don't be sure that you really KNOW them. You may know an online personna...and you are reacting to something that may NOT be the whole measure of whom that person REALLY is. the perception is only a snapshot...without much nuance.

Presence don't hardly begin to describe the impact of Joe Blow "in real life."

Oh, I dunno about that. Ask the chronically ignored how they feel about silence.

Cycloptichorn

Actually, we might know each other better in the virtual world, than if we knew each other in person, since in person many people are more careful to not offend another's sensitivities. The virtual world might be like having a few drinks in the real world. Some of us may become who we really are when typing into a computer.

As A2Kers who have met me in person can attest, there's no difference between me in real life and me on the internet, except that I'm taller on the internet.